Personal concerns about virility, sexuality, restoring

[Anthony]

I remember being terrified by this TV show I saw at about age 20. "Men will notice a decrease in the quality of the erections in there 20s". 20s? I thought 40s or 50s maybe. This is not enough time.

At about age 25 I was begining to recover from years of extreme anxiety and depression. At that time I found that frequent masturbation soothed my nerves and I lost all self control. While the signs were there before, this began an addiction to pornography and masturbation which I truly believe was just as severe as a crack addiction.

I was in denial for a long time, thinking that this was good for me physically or psychologically as a temporary fix for not having a girlfriend. A couple of years ago, I started to gradually accept that pornography is bad and that a pro-porn stance is not compatible with a spiritual sexuality and rejection of religious prudery and asceticism.

In these past years, several things have happened. I came out of denial about my circumcision, started restoring, and came to be disturbed by the sight of circumcised penises.

I have only had a girlfriend for 3 months out of my 30 years on this planet. One thing that made it difficult for me to succeed with the ladies was "premature erections". It was out of control with so much as a certain type of look and this made me uncomfortable and made me get out of the situation. I can't say for sure if this has changed because it has been a long time since I have been in this type of situation.

Recently morning erections are absent or only halfway there. Sexual dreams persist. Spontaneous erections start out the same, but stop halfway, not getting to the point of making the penis point towards the ceiling or try to push through my pants. With masturbation, erections always occur immediately (even during infrequent occasions of being under the influence of drugs supposed to cause temporary impotence), but do not become fully hard for a few minutes. With effort, 75% complete erections can be maintained for many hours and multiple (up to 15 or so) orgasms acheived.

What could the problem be?

1. No problem. Just wait until I get a girlfriend and psychological issues resolve themselves. Currently pornography is becoming boring or seen for its true fake and harmful nature and there is little hope of meeting a suitable partner in my current situation.
2. Sexual exhaustion. Must regain self control. For the past month or so, I have tried to go two days in between masturbation, but I still have trouble with this. In high school I would wait a whole week and this seemed to cause a great increase in desire in the past.
3. Restoration issues. Awareness of circumsicsion has caused me to hate my penis, restoration has had a negative effect on blood flow, trying to masturbate with limited skin (instead of lube) does not allow for full erection and stimulation of glans, or extra skin has made my erection less tight which makes it seem softer.
4. Age-related changes, exposure to estogen-like chemicals in the environment, etc.

Number 4 really scares me. I would like to make some use of my penis before it is too late. Hopefully it is only psychological, but the diminished morning wood is particularly troubling. I have always been extremely health conscious and aware of penile health in particular. For most of my life (including earliest childhood memories), and still to a certain extent, I believed that I was much more sexual than the average person. I am really scared. I am trying online dating, but I have trouble appoaching women. I am trying to avoid all pornography except for maybe the occasional girlie mag.

Sorry to be so personal and whiny, but maybe somebody here would have some insights as to how this could relate to circumcision and restoring or have some other advice. The libido is seen in my dreams as a monster that I keep killing, but that keeps coming back to life. I want to be rid of all this baggage from the media and my education and have a pure life affirming sexuality not based on dominance, but on intimacy and interaction. If the problem is physcial, has anybody had success with herbs?

[Anthony]

In the past, I remember major changes whenever I was in a situation where I could allow myself to truely believe that a woman would want to have sex with me. I really hope that things still work in the right situation.

[greg_b]

Have you been to a doctor?

Regards

[Anthony]

Thanks for replying to this nonsense, although this is not a particularly reasurring answer. I don't trust doctors.

I was doing some research. I am doing and have been doing everything right when it comes to diet and exercise. I increased my intake of certain foods considered to be particularly good. I am actually in better health all around than when I was 18. One would assume that my testosterone levels are quite high. I am very strong, etc. I thought that there may have been some improvement. The other morning, with minimal coaxing along I was what I would consider "rock hard" in the morning. Seminal volume seemed impressive. Yesterday erection angle seemed improved. I just got a "manly" job wheras I was unemployed before. Maybe this will help with psychological issues. I've been off porn for 15 days, apart from flipping through a softcore mag one time. I had gone for 30 days before, but it still consumed my thoughts. Now I fell as if I may really be breaking free. Hopefully it is just psychological and reversible without meds. My mental health has been relatively poor since childhood.

[Anthony]

I really did push myself too far before. Pseudo sexual activity was used to excess for the tranquilizing neurotransmitters produced. Now I am allowing time for recouperation and regeneration. I was concerned briefly that I may have stretched a ligament restoring, but I think that this is unlikely. .

[greg_b]

You may not trust doctors, but they may have information that can help identify what the issue(s) are. Just because you go to one, does not mean you have to do what they say. You are going to gather information. You can take time and think about it, before acting. You are in charge, they are in your employ.

Regards

[maxadam]

It would be a bad idea to consult only one doctor. You should ask 2 to 3 doctors, and seek what all they say about your issues. You will definitely help you to make a good decision.

[Comicking45]

I remember being terrified by this TV show I saw at about age 20. "Men will notice a decrease in the quality of the erections in there 20s". 20s? I thought 40s or 50s maybe. This is not enough time.

At about age 25 I was begining to recover from years of extreme anxiety and depression. At that time I found that frequent masturbation soothed my nerves and I lost all self control. While the signs were there before, this began an addiction to pornography and masturbation which I truly believe was just as severe as a crack addiction.

I was in denial for a long time, thinking that this was good for me physically or psychologically as a temporary fix for not having a girlfriend. A couple of years ago, I started to gradually accept that pornography is bad and that a pro-porn stance is not compatible with a spiritual sexuality and rejection of religious prudery and asceticism.

In these past years, several things have happened. I came out of denial about my circumcision, started restoring, and came to be disturbed by the sight of circumcised penises.

I have only had a girlfriend for 3 months out of my 30 years on this planet. One thing that made it difficult for me to succeed with the ladies was "premature erections". It was out of control with so much as a certain type of look and this made me uncomfortable and made me get out of the situation. I can't say for sure if this has changed because it has been a long time since I have been in this type of situation.

Recently morning erections are absent or only halfway there. Sexual dreams persist. Spontaneous erections start out the same, but stop halfway, not getting to the point of making the penis point towards the ceiling or try to push through my pants. With masturbation, erections always occur immediately (even during infrequent occasions of being under the influence of drugs supposed to cause temporary impotence), but do not become fully hard for a few minutes. With effort, 75% complete erections can be maintained for many hours and multiple (up to 15 or so) orgasms acheived.

What could the problem be?

1. No problem. Just wait until I get a girlfriend and psychological issues resolve themselves. Currently pornography is becoming boring or seen for its true fake and harmful nature and there is little hope of meeting a suitable partner in my current situation.
2. Sexual exhaustion. Must regain self control. For the past month or so, I have tried to go two days in between masturbation, but I still have trouble with this. In high school I would wait a whole week and this seemed to cause a great increase in desire in the past.
3. Restoration issues. Awareness of circumsicsion has caused me to hate my penis, restoration has had a negative effect on blood flow, trying to masturbate with limited skin (instead of lube) does not allow for full erection and stimulation of glans, or extra skin has made my erection less tight which makes it seem softer.
4. Age-related changes, exposure to estogen-like chemicals in the environment, etc.

Number 4 really scares me. I would like to make some use of my penis before it is too late. Hopefully it is only psychological, but the diminished morning wood is particularly troubling. I have always been extremely health conscious and aware of penile health in particular. For most of my life (including earliest childhood memories), and still to a certain extent, I believed that I was much more sexual than the average person. I am really scared. I am trying online dating, but I have trouble appoaching women. I am trying to avoid all pornography except for maybe the occasional girlie mag.

Sorry to be so personal and whiny, but maybe somebody here would have some insights as to how this could relate to circumcision and restoring or have some other advice. The libido is seen in my dreams as a monster that I keep killing, but that keeps coming back to life. I want to be rid of all this baggage from the media and my education and have a pure life affirming sexuality not based on dominance, but on intimacy and interaction. If the problem is physcial, has anybody had success with herbs?

Porn addiction? There is no such thing. That's just natures way of telling you that you need to make more people. It's kind of the only biological reason were here. Saying that your addicted to porn would be like if I said I was addicted to food. Should you watch porn all day everyday? No but you shouldn't eat all day either. Pornography is not bad. The worst thing it can do is create a false representation of sex, because sex compared to porn is like comparing a fight in real life to the matrix.

[Anthony]

I really think that porn is bad. I would go on 3-8 hour binges getting all set up much in the same way as the junkies get set up for a binge in the movie "Trainspotting", making sure that I wouldn't have to leave my room for that time. Afterwards I would get really depressed. I have had some more experience with the ladies which has made me more depressed about the situation because I have been forced to admit the harsh realities of what women find attractive, which is the complete opposite of everything that is pure, beautiful, and good. Now I have put myself on a strict schedule of only masturbating to a magazine on Wednesdays and online porn on Sundays. I'm trying to mediate on increasing the libido and getting more control over erections during recharge time and taking various supplements and eating penis-healthy foods. The best thing is to not seek out relationships with the opposite sex and to focus on developing my spirituality instead. Sometimes I'll try to play that ridiculous game. "Be yourself" is the worst advice ever for getting women. Steps to get laid: 1. Be tall 2. Be rich 3. Be an asshole 4. Do not experience any adversity or trauma. Alternatively, try your best to pretend that you haven't and that your life has been easy 5. Be completely generic and average in your personality, interests, and opinions. The only one that I have any control over is number 3.

[John Barrat Scapegoat]

Steps to get laid: 1. Be tall 2. Be rich 3. Be an asshole 4. Do not experience any adversity or trauma. Alternatively, try your best to pretend that you haven't and that your life has been easy 5. Be completely generic and average in your personality, interests, and opinions. The only one that I have any control over is number 3.

I am afraid to say that if I was a woman
I would run for the hills.

That last line has red flags written all over it.
To put it mildly.

I am going to be very direct now. Since I dont
know you, I may be off in my impressions, however
you seem really self-obsessive. We restorers are all
a bit into ourselves, but its our way of dealing with grief
and trying to overcome the odds. Its a healthy process
and I take my hat off to the others here for confronting
their nightmares.

I see this kind of thing though occasionally on forums -
mainly its a guy who just wants to write
at length about himself, rant, get attention...but not really
engage with posters who take an interest. To reflect
on what it is they are suggesting. Your replies are very
rigid.

Like Comicking says, you need to get out more.

As for the porn, everyone is different, but I went
off it completely during my relationships. I think
thats normal.

I can see how some men would see a woman
as an object of control while looking at porn.

But then, some blame alcohol for being
idiots when they are drunk.

[Anthony]

John Barat Scapegoat,

There is definitely some truth in what you write. Sorry for associating the forums with my negativity. I have been getting out more and possibly getting some of my youthful vigor back, although I can't say that I get the same enjoyment out of interpersonal relationships of any kind that other people seem to. It wasn't all about me though. I do genuinely want to live in a world with good in it and to not hurt people with my desires. I see nothing but emptiness and competition. Obviously, I wouldn't pass on these observations to a woman I was trying to impress, but none of them were made up. They came from men and women who I have spoken to and various forms of media.

[John Barrat Scapegoat]

John Barat Scapegoat,

There is definitely some truth in what you write. Sorry for associating the forums with my negativity. I have been getting out more and possibly getting some of my youthful vigor back, although I can't say that I get the same enjoyment out of interpersonal relationships of any kind that other people seem to. It wasn't all about me though. I do genuinely want to live in a world with good in it and to not hurt people with my desires. I see nothing but emptiness and competition. Obviously, I wouldn't pass on these observations to a woman I was trying to impress, but none of them were made up. They came from men and women who I have spoken to and various forms of media.

The fact that you have replied to me directly
in such a considered manner, proves me wrong
about your unwillingness to listen to others.

For this I would like to apologise - please forgive
my assumption.

I just felt compelled to throw a spanner in the works
because that kind of "women like arseholes" idea
is dangerous - not just for partners and children,
but even for the men acting such delusions out.

I am probably also guilty of projection, as is
typical of forums. We can though only speak
out of experience. My emotionally abusive father
is the sort of man your sources (alpha male
attraction courses?) find aspirational,
and it has only brought pain for all concerned.
Including himself, though he would never acknowledge
responsibility for anything. A loser who never grew up.

One thing though - letting out negativity here is,
as far as I am concerned, absolutely healthy and important.
If we cannot do it here, then where can we? I do it too.

And feelings of bitterness for circumcision (or whatever)
shouldnt subconsciously come out towards others, innocent
of that.

So please let it out! If it becomes more like a diary
or personal letter to yourself then you just may not get
as many replies as you expected.

[Anthony]

I have been heavily influenced recently by a friend who seems to have very similar issues to your father. I am aware that he is fundamentally unhappy, but it is hard not to want to be like him at the same time. He was criticizing me on my approach with the ladies to trying to "help me out". He always says that he is telling me how to be an "Alpha". I was telling him how I was having trouble with the initial approach and with getting women to sustain their interest, but not as much with the middle part. I said that I like to avoid competition and go for a woman that I find "just barely attractive enough". He said "You're just banging 5s and 6s. They're a dime a dozen. I could pick up three of those today." This statement made me puzzled as to what goal he was headed towards. He seems like he will be never satisfied whereas I am looking to get a good relationship as a foundation of stability so I can fully pursue more immaterial goals.

He proved himself to be fairly hypocritical as well. He works at a detox centre and says that I am doing something really dangerous by occasionally self-medicating with illegal drugs but never getting addicted to them. However, he can't function for even a few hours when the powerful psychoactives that he obtained with a prescription leave his system.