Foreskin jokes

[cobra]

All the deep philosophical discussions lately made me want to post some jokes. Some are sick, some are funny. Enjoy!

:D

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these biscuit purchases. What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

:D

What's the biggest drawback living in the Jungle?

An elephant's foreskin!

:D

A med school instructor once asked a student what he planned to specialize in. The student, who was a greedy and callous individual, replied, "I want to specialize in circumcision." When asked why, he replied, "They get $150,000 a year, plus tips."

:D

What do you call that useless bit of skin that hangs off the end of a man's dick?

A woman!

:D

Those special deals at Walmart are getting ridiculous! I went in for some groceries last night and they offered to roll back my foreskin!

:D

Lady goes to a male stripclub for some cheap thrills, but only finds some flabby, homely looking guys dancing on the stage. She decides "What the hell..." and puts a twenty under one of the guy's foreskins. When the homely dancer notices she is still tugging on his little dick, he says, "What the fuck, lady! What are you waiting for?" The lady replies, "I'm waiting for my change to drop out!"

:D

Guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I have some salad stuck under my foreskin."

The doc squints at him a moment, then says, "Lettuce see."

HOPE YOU LIKED THEM!

ps-- I had a few more but they were cut for brevity.

[Billybobbed]

What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip.

[jeff71913]

The one about the Rabbi was about the best that I've ever heard. My dad died in 98, but he was an IRS auditor for 33 years. He would have gotten a real kick out of that. Needless to say, we didn't have many friends.

jeffrey

[photenman]

A guy goes into a store to buy some condoms, and the teller says that will be $5.99 plus tax. The guy says hell, forget the tacks, I'll use string.

[deadhand31]

A baby was born without eyelids, however, the doctors knew what to do. After he was circumcised, they used the foreskin to make new eyelids. It turned out to work. He ended up with great foresight, but he was cock-eyed.

Tasteless? maybe... but hey!!! we gotta take it back somehow!

[mattboy115]

These are not my jokes. I just heard them somewhere.

:DTheres this doctor that did circumcisions. After many years he decides its time to retire.From all the circumsicions he did over the years, he saved the foreskins. He took a big garbage bag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company.

He says "Make me something nice out of these foreskins, cause I'm retiring."

His friend says "Come back in 2 weeks and I'll have something nice for you."

So he goes back in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him. When he shows up, his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets.

He says to his friend "wallets? Is that all I get after all these years?"

His friend says "Relax, my friend. You see its not just ordinary wallets. After you rub them for a while, it becomes a 5 piece luggage set."


:D Two hobos are eating from a trash can outside a circumcision clinic. One says to the other: "You're right, these onion rings ARE a little chewey!"


:D There was a young man from Bombay
Who modeled a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
Which wore all his foreskin away.

[cobra]

A girl is driving along the expressway listening to the radio when she hears a song she really, really likes. When the song is over the announcer says the title of the record was, "Hot Lips and Tender Kisses."

When she gets home she's very excited about the new song and decides to call her local music store to see if they have the record. She dials the store's number, but in her excitement, she unknowingly misdials and gets an auto repair shop instead.

"Hello," the mechanic answers.

"Oh, yes! Do you have Hot Lips and Tender Kisses?"

The mechanic is puzzled, but answers, "Sure do, and I got an uncut seven inches to go with it."

"Is that a record?" she asks breathlessly.

"No," he says, "but it's better than average."

[mattboy115]

Got a couple more:


:D Two five year old boys are standing at the potty to pee.

When one says, " Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!"

" I've been circumcised." Says the second boy.

" What does that mean?"

"It means they cut the skin off the end."

" How old were you when it was cut off?"

" My mom said that I was two days old."

" Did it hurt?"

" You bet it hurt, I couldn't walk for a year!"


:D The Emperor of Japan advertises for a new bodygaurd. Three swordsmen apply: one is Japanese, one is Chinese, and one is Jewish. To test him, the Emperor lets a fly loose in the room and tells the Chinese swordsman to kill it. The swordsmansweeps down his blade and chops the fly in two. The Japanese swordsman is given the same test. He swings his sword twice and manages to cut the fly into quarters before it hits the ground. The Jewish swordsman is then given a fly. He chases it around the room, swings his sword a few times, then sits down with the fly buzzing around his head. "Why have you stopped?" ask the Emperor. "The fly is still alive." "Yes," replies the Jewish swordsman. "But now it's circumcised."


:D What happened to the short-sighted circumcisor? He got the sack.


:DWhy are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 20 percent off! {mod: should be 50% off, no?}

[cobra]

Guy discovers a small growth under his foreskin.

But when he went to the doctor to see about it, the man just laughed.

"You idiot, that's your penis!"

[cobra]

An uncut guy wakes after a fantastic night of sex with a lovely lady. All night long she bragged how nice his cock felt. "I never had a man who was all natural before! It's so much better!" she gushed.

Since she was so sweet, he decides to make her omelets for breakfast. She gets up as he's cooking and notices that he keeps going to the bathroom with the skillet of eggs.

"What are you going into the bathroom for, honey?" she asks.

"I forgot to pick up cheese at the market yesterday," he answers. "It's okay, though. You said all natural was better."

[cobra]

Guy boasts, "My dick's so big I can fit a doorknob in my foreskin."

Girl asks, "When do I get a turn?"

[cobra]

Tired-looking wife is in the kitchen with her best friend. She confides: "Last night, when we were in bed, my husband finally snapped. I had to put him in the hospital."

Her best friend leans forward, concerned. "Snapped? What happened?"

The lady shakes her head sadly and answers, "It was terrible! I just pulled his foreskin back too far."

[cobra]

How did the wife find out her husband was on the downlow?

All the shit she found in his foreskin.

[potato]

What do you call an expensive circumcision?
Bloody rip off

A Muslim man walks into an ASDA, slams his penis onto the checkout and says "roll this back"

Circumcision jokes are very funny but there's definitely a cut off point

I hope I haven't touched on any raw nerves
and by touch on I mean amputate

[pi314]

This one popped in my head yesterday while I was working.

Whats the difference between a Rabbi and a Sith Lord?

A Rabbi doesn't want you to join the dark side of the foreskin.

[pi314]

How many Rabbis does it take to screw in a light bulb?



No one knows - the first one cuts off the tip, and the rest are trying to figure out why it won't light up.

[DPX1]

What happened to the circumcisionist who went to work drunk?

He ended up getting the sack.

[Jamie]

Sorry if this offends.....:o

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

“I thought I told you to call your Mom.” she screamed.

“I did,” he said, “And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.”

[anon]

---- someone posted it already ----