Toveri
April 29th, 2007, 21:30
Hey, I've been really getting an education in the past week about the foreskin, restoring and 'meeting' some really great guys. I've also been reading about reasons for restoring. I haven't really come across one of the reasons I'm restoring and am curious is others out there might be a kindred spirit.
Firstly, I was mutilated as an infant. Then from age 5 to 16 I was sexually abused; molested and raped by 5 different men and women. My sense of masculinity was shattered during those developmental years and has had repercussions throughout my life. I am both gay and struggle with alcohol and I think the abuse had a major impact on both. All of the childhood shit was repressed until one year ago when it all decided to come out in the form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have been working with various counselors about a year to overcome the emasculating affects of my childhood.
I remember from the first time I saw an uncircumsiced man (my first rapist) at age 10 I knew I was defective and less than a man. This continued to when I started puberty at age 17 (very late, I know). For me, my circumcision was fuel to my thinking that I was not a real man.
This is NOT a debate about the acceptability of being gay. I've got no problems with it. However, I DO feel that getting my skin back will move me forward in healing the effects of the childhood abuse and regaining my sense of masculinity back (either as a gay or straight man).
I am NOT about to say that circumcision increases a boy's propincity toward a homosexual orientation. All I will say is that FOR ME, I believe it was a factor (along with abuse and perhaps other factors) in my emasculated sense of self.
Are there any others out there that are using the restoration process in their healing of childhood sexual abuse (CSA)?
I spend a large amount of time in Finland and there circumcision is outlawed and considered childhood sexual abuse, on par with molestation and rape! Having experienced both, I can understand why.
Firstly, I was mutilated as an infant. Then from age 5 to 16 I was sexually abused; molested and raped by 5 different men and women. My sense of masculinity was shattered during those developmental years and has had repercussions throughout my life. I am both gay and struggle with alcohol and I think the abuse had a major impact on both. All of the childhood shit was repressed until one year ago when it all decided to come out in the form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have been working with various counselors about a year to overcome the emasculating affects of my childhood.
I remember from the first time I saw an uncircumsiced man (my first rapist) at age 10 I knew I was defective and less than a man. This continued to when I started puberty at age 17 (very late, I know). For me, my circumcision was fuel to my thinking that I was not a real man.
This is NOT a debate about the acceptability of being gay. I've got no problems with it. However, I DO feel that getting my skin back will move me forward in healing the effects of the childhood abuse and regaining my sense of masculinity back (either as a gay or straight man).
I am NOT about to say that circumcision increases a boy's propincity toward a homosexual orientation. All I will say is that FOR ME, I believe it was a factor (along with abuse and perhaps other factors) in my emasculated sense of self.
Are there any others out there that are using the restoration process in their healing of childhood sexual abuse (CSA)?
I spend a large amount of time in Finland and there circumcision is outlawed and considered childhood sexual abuse, on par with molestation and rape! Having experienced both, I can understand why.