Depressed :(

[chrisalexander]

I am 20 years old from New Zealand. Here only 5-10% of boys are circumcised and unfortunately for me I was one of those boys. I have spent my life feeling self conscious about being different to everyone else, and until only recently avoiding having a relationship or having sex because I didn't want to be laughed at. I was never really told anything about it, and when I was very young I actually thought it was a birth defect.

I feel like it was a gross violation of my human rights, they did not have the right to do this to me. I should have had the right to choose what I wanted when I was old enough. Every day I have a horrible scar as a reminder to what was done to me. Almost every day I feel depressed about it. I do not like the way it looks. I am upset that I will never know what sex is meant to feel like.

Furthermore I am 100% confident that it is the reason for me being bisexual, because when I was younger I was always curious to find out what a natural penis looked like.

I don't think I can ever forgive my parents. I've found myself getting progressively more angry at them. I can't talk to my mum about it because she is very sensitive and it will upset her, and I can't do that to her.

I can't get over the fact that I will never get it back. And I will never know what I am missing out on. I don't want to be circumcised and I most certainly don't want to be bisexual.

All I want is my foreskin back :(

[lanutriarojita]

I am 20 years old from New Zealand. Here only 5-10% of boys are circumcised and unfortunately for me I was one of those boys. I have spent my life feeling self conscious about being different to everyone else, and until only recently avoiding having a relationship or having sex because I didn't want to be laughed at. I was never really told anything about it, and when I was very young I actually thought it was a birth defect.

I feel like it was a gross violation of my human rights, they did not have the right to do this to me. I should have had the right to choose what I wanted when I was old enough. Every day I have a horrible scar as a reminder to what was done to me. Almost every day I feel depressed about it. I do not like the way it looks. I am upset that I will never know what sex is meant to feel like.

Furthermore I am 100% confident that it is the reason for me being bisexual, because when I was younger I was always curious to find out what a natural penis looked like.

I don't think I can ever forgive my parents. I've found myself getting progressively more angry at them. I can't talk to my mum about it because she is very sensitive and it will upset her, and I can't do that to her.

I can't get over the fact that I will never get it back. And I will never know what I am missing out on. I don't want to be circumcised and I most certainly don't want to be bisexual.

All I want is my foreskin back :(

Hi Chris,

A couple days ago I felt very similar to you, until I found this site that is. I live in America where this is the norm but I still feel the exact same way that you do. This site has given me the hope that I am now in control and I can regrow what was taken from me.

Do not be angry at your parents, you need to forgive them for this. I resented mine for quite some time but that will only further drive you away from those who love you and make you feel more isolated and abandoned. I know them well enough to know that I know they did it because they thought it would be best for me. I only asked one time about it and while the reason given to me I consider to be bullshit, I do not doubt that THEY believed they were making the right choice. That is an important distinction to make. It doesn't make it any more right, but it removes the malice from it.

I myself am gay, I do not doubt for a second that this infatuation with the male sex organ and the fact that I've always surrounded myself with men growing up came from my experience of feeling different because of my circumcision. All I can tell you is that you need to be yourself, whatever that is. The time for living in the pre-defined mold set out by your society is over, you are in the driver's seat and you cannot allow anyone else the power to make you feel like you are wrong or different.

I have not yet started to restore, but I have decided that I am going to. Let's get started now, rebuilding the confidence and the skin.

I do wish to say though in parting that you are not alone and you do not need to feel alone any longer.

[broken]

Yeah, you're not alone.

With regards to the forgiveness, I'd say only forgive once you feel ready to do so. Anger is part of the grieving process and by bypassing this and other feelings by forgiving too soon you are probably doing yourself more harm than good. Anger will drive you to seek out answers. I think your next step must be to try and understand why your parent/s might have made this decision.

[djjazzyjosha]

I am 20 years old from New Zealand. Here only 5-10% of boys are circumcised and unfortunately for me I was one of those boys. I have spent my life feeling self conscious about being different to everyone else, and until only recently avoiding having a relationship or having sex because I didn't want to be laughed.....
All I want is my foreskin back :(

It's strange to me that this exact post describes me up almost exactly (as I read this It's almost as if I could have written it), however I don't consider myself Bisexual, I am just extremely curious and have always been the minute I figured out about what I lost. It saddens me to think about what intact people get to enjoy (and they dont thnk twice about it), and all we can do is simply think about it what it would have been like. I think thats where the curiosity comes from.

I suffer from what I believe is a botched circumcision (excessive tissue removed, 1/2 inch scar), so it could be worse, but I'm diffidently not justifying it, its terrible to amputate such a delegate body part no matter how the processes conclusion comes out, such ignorance by people, urghh..

About your parents comment, I feel my dad didn't think hard enough when he did this too me. He was cut, and he just must have assumed this has to be right (or what got done to me I'll do to my son, like father like dad, urgh). I will never forgive him for doing it. I will remain disappointed with him and my mother until the day I die, that they couldn't have grabbed together some common sense at the last minute, and not seen their precious baby boy get mutilated in front of them with such a device. I want to make clear I'm disappointed in them, that doesn't mean I hate them or don't love them, I do, and being disappointed doesn't effect the relationship I have with my parents.

I'd wonder how good of friends we'd all be, if chrisalexander, me, and anyone in this situation knew one another. It would certainly be more comfortable being around people that understand and care about your situation, thats what these forums provide, but only to a certain extent.

Oh and I might add I jump in and out of depression it can be tough dealing with this alone, I've felt pretty good lately, I try to cover up my depression with things like photography, art, martial arts class, and school.

I'm Josh btw, 18, message me any time chrisalexander, I'll respond.

[z726]

All I want is my foreskin back

So… grow it back.

You've found a good place to chat about it, and I hope that you receive any support you're seeking on this matter.

I've erased the frowning face from your quote. Try not to grow that back.

[Aspie]

It is normal to feel as you do however the important thing is what you decided to do, I suggest you work to educate people about circumcision, contribute money to anti-circ groups, create a substitute foreskin from your own foreskin until the time when true foreskins can be created and so forth as those things will give you control and help with your pain. If you ever need anything especially if you need to talk to someone let me know :D

[dreammagii]

Furthermore I am 100% confident that it is the reason for me being bisexual, because when I was younger I was always curious to find out what a natural penis looked like.


Im curious and curiouser about your reference to being bisexual.
I myself am very happily gay. Mostly lol.
But i dont think a curiosity about foreskin, would normally lead you to want to have sexual relations with a man.
For me they are quite separate things.
Though having sex with a cut man, and an uncut man do have sexual physical differences.
But i would make the arguable controversial comment that bisexuality is probably as natural as foreskins, and also as natural as depression?
Depression is our defence and coping mechanism. Similarly to ur anger, its offering a message to you, from yourself.

[peterpink]

Yeah, you're not alone.

With regards to the forgiveness, I'd say only forgive once you feel ready to do so. Anger is part of the grieving process and by bypassing this and other feelings by forgiving too soon you are probably doing yourself more harm than good. Anger will drive you to seek out answers. I think your next step must be to try and understand why your parent/s might have made this decision.

True forgiveness is a two way process and involves the transgressor saying what the did to you, how it hurt you and that they are genuinely sorry for their action. The transgressors are the parents (who were ignorant) and the mutilating doctor (who wanted his fee). Without this two way process forgiveness is incomplete and there is an everlasting chasm in the relationship between the parties. The chasm between the parent and the son should be repaired.

We must be aware that parents made what they thought at the time was a good decision from their point of view. However, cutting off healthy sexual tissue is an extremely sexually perverted from a rational or biological viewpoint. Focus your anger on the doctor and restoration. I agree that we must work through each stage including anger.

Best wishes.

[WoundedBird]

I do find the connection between circumcision and homo or bisexuality highly speculative and lacking in evidence. I am not invalidating your feelings, I can't know why you are the person you are, for certain. But honestly, I hope you are able to transcend your feelings of discomfort over your bisexuality, as there really is nothing wrong with it. Sex is a beautiful thing whether shared between two men, two women, a man and a woman, or an intersexed individual and whomever...there is nothing dirty or wrong about sex between consenting individuals who are sexually developed.

You have my empathy regarding your circumcision trauma, as well as that of almost everyone on these boards. We are all pissed and/or sad about our mutilations to some extent or another. Some of us are more sensitive than others, I am among this group...I am very emotional and very sexual and I was devastated by my revelation that I had been grossly mutilated.

However, foreskin restoration really can make sex good. We won't have all the parts we were born with, ever, sadly. But what we can regain can allow sex to become a full, amazing experience. Don't cheat yourself by focusing on your grief while neglecting to restore. Experience your grief and restore simultaneously. The excitement of seeing the glans and inner skin dekeratinize, feeling the sensations become more and more acute, is a beautiful experience. No matter what you have left, this process will increase sensation by many fold.

While many of us will never fully accept our mutilations, nor logically should we, once sex becomes super-pleasurable, the grief will fade into the background. This is a short life we lead on this Earth, we were cheated hideously by this cruel trick, having our sexual pleasure permanently reduced by a large amount. However, we owe it to ourselves to regain what we can, and we can achieve sexual pleasure. It's our own "FUCK YOU!" to the mutilators who started this with the goal of robbing us of pleasure. Don't let them win. It's your penis and your life, and sex can and will feel good for you as long as you restore.

[admin]

I do find the connection between circumcision and homo or bisexuality highly speculative and lacking in evidence.

I doubt anyone is 100% gay or 100% straight, and I think left alone on an island with one person, eventually most people would figure out how to get off with that person.

So maybe a traumatic betrayal like circumcision just makes one less likely to deny same-sex feelings in the way that one otherwise might if one sensed cultural disapproval.

[chrisalexander]

hey guys,

well i just thought i'd give those who are interested an update.

i now have a boyfriend. most awesome personality and better looking than i could ever imagine. hahaha. he is happy with the way i am, and so am i.

while sometimes i get upset about being circumcised, its not really an issue for me anymore. sex is great, and yeah sure it could potentially be a little better if i had a foreskin.

and yes, sex is important, but really is it THAT important? if you were looking over your life when you were old, would you wish that you had better sex? or would you wish you had more good times with your mates and loved ones?...... i know what i value more.

i did purchase a TLC tugger a while ago, but I don't think i will use it. foreskin would be nice to have, but i don't think it is worth the time, effort and discomfort over possibly 4 years.

i've stopped focusing on what i don't have, and started focusing on what i do have. i'm happy with who i am, and all is well.

oh yeah, and fyi if you were wondering if my bf is circumcised, the answer is no.

[djjazzyjosha]

i did purchase a TLC tugger a while ago, but I don't think i will use it. foreskin would be nice to have, but i don't think it is worth the time, effort and discomfort over possibly 4 years.]

Well that's just depressing, now the title truly speaks for itself.

[WoundedBird]

That's wonderful that you've found a partner and are happy.

I still think restoration is worth it. You can do it part time, and once you get accustomed to it, you won't even mind. I think you could stand to gain more than a "little more" pleasure, honestly. But of course that is up to you.