I only found out about restoration a few days ago...I need support, because my partner wont.

[Musical-Bicycle]

I'm not sure where to post this, but I guess you could say it's an introduction post. Mods, if this needs to be moved, feel free to move it.

I was circumcised at birth, and am the eldest son of 4 boys. My 3 younger brothers, are intact... I've always had it in the back of my mind that I'd like foreskin better, and that there was part of me missing. I have always wanted it back, and am frustrated with my parents for allowing it to be taken away, but leaving my brothers alone. I pretty much shoved these feelings aside since I thought I was stuck like this forever. Ever since I realized my penis wasn't natural, I've bottled up my emotions.

I don't really know how I came upon foreskin restoration late last week, but I did, and it put a spark in me. Suddenly realizing that it was possible for my penis to once again be(somewhat) what it was meant to be filled me with emotions I'd never felt on the topic before. I feel excited, optimistic, and damn happy that I can get it back and be "normal", like my brothers. I feel angry that I was mutilated at birth without my consent(something I've always felt, but like I said, this was just swept under the carpet). I feel disgusting that my penis isn't the way it is supposed to be, I feel...wrong. Most of all though, I feel overwhelmed with dealing with all the emotions that have built up over nearly two decades...

I've been researching it non-stop, and am constantly thinking how ""whole" I would feel when and if I am fully restored. I want to be 100% committed to getting back what I was robbed of at birth...but there's a problem...

I have been in a committed relationship with the same woman for nearly four years now. We have an honest and open relationship, and I love her with all my heart. I have hinted at the topic of my circumcision and how I wish I had foreskin, but never truly brought it up. Usually it would just be a comment here or there.

Once I found out about restoration, I was so excited to tell her about it and my feelings about my circumcision and to get her support...Maybe I approached the topic wrong, maybe it was too late at night...But I was completely shut down.
I was bombarded by the woman I love with comments such as

"Eww! Foreskin is disgusting!"
"Your penis is fine the way it is, if you do this it will be unsexy"
"I think it's a stupid idea"
"Hahaha are you serious? It's just circumcision, no big deal"
"Why would you do this, it's gross!"
"Don't I get a say? I'm in this relationship, too!
"I want it to stay the way it is"
"It happened when you were a baby, just get over it"
"Foreskin is dirty and gross! I don't want to touch foreskin"
I don't want you to do this."

Needless to say, I have been in tears about it. I'm even crying as I type this. We have been fighting about it for a few days now. She has apologized for being so rude, but she still doesn't want me to restore.

I don't know what to do. I am angry and sad and confused and all these stupid emotions at the same time.

I just want my foreskin back, and I want the one person I love to give me a hug and realize how much I am hurting inside right now because of it.

[Tally]

You have expressed yourself well. I suggest that you leave your post on the computer screen and ask your partner to read it. When she sits down at the computer, leave the room so she can read and absorb it. If she does not come to you and apologize for not supporting you and your needs, you should reconsider if you want to be in a one-sided relationship.

She played the relationship card when she said, "Don't I get a say? I'm in this relationship, too!" Translated, that means, "I want you to do what I want because what you want is not important." Relationships are about understanding your partner and wanting them to be happy. When a person wants something that is important to them, the other person needs to make the effort to understand what the need is and why. She is operating from a position of ignorance and she needs to educate herself about the foreskin.

[admin]

My wife had pretty much the same reaction, although it only lasted for about a minute.

It takes people a while to adjust to something that just hasn't been on their radar or in their vocabulary.

Do keep reading, so you can address her concerns. If she says something you can't rebutt, don't BS her; say "I saw something about that one, let me look it up and we'll talk tomorrow."

She may not believe it now, but restoring is as much a plus for her as it is for you.

Good Luck,
-Ron

[peterpink]

It sounds as though your partner is afraid as well as brain washed. Women can be hard to convince because of the cultural myths they have absorbed about infant circumcision. I am wondering if she is as committed to you as you have said. She should be supporting you, rather than belittling you. But, as I've said she may just be replaying scripts she has heard and needs to be educated.

It is your body and only you can give yourself permission to restore. You need ask no one else for permission. Explain how you feel. Do not be afraid to cry in front of her, as woman understand feelings better than facts. Also ask her how she would feel if she had her clitoral hood and parts of her labia cut off when she was a baby. Explain most female circumcisions remove less tissue than is removed in male circumcision. Get her to watch a Youtube baby circumcision. Go to http://www.circumstitions.com/ and scroll down until you come to a green area of circumcision videos.

Print: http://www.cirp.org/library/anatomy/cold-taylor/
and http://www.nocirc.org/touch-test/bju_6685.pdf
Let her read these or better still read them together.

Explain that if both the inside and outside skin the average adult foreskin was laid flat it would measure an area of between 64 to 90 cm square. Over 20,000 special nerve receptors in the ridged band in the foreskin detect fine touch and movement so nerve impulses can be sent to the man’s brain producing feedback and pleasure. The foreskin keeps the glans moist and protects it from abrasion to retain its limited sensitivity, reduces penile vaginal entry force and reduces friction for both partners during intercourse through its rolling action, reducing the need for artifical lubricants. She may find it hard to believe, but she will eventually enjoy the greater comfort and diameter of a restored penis.

Keep in touch. We are here to support you. She may take a while to come round, so do not be in a hurry. Meanwhile you can start manual or taping. Best wishes

[greg_b]

I too was blown away when I one day stumbled upon foreskin restoration on the web. I could not stop reading for an several hours. And I found myself compelled to try it out, though I thought the accounts of the value of foreskin for sexual function and feeling was overblown and biased by guys too enamored with the change.

When I told my wife of my plan to restore, I did it in a way that said "here is what I found out, and I do not know why, but am compelled to give it a try". I didn't ask of ask her if she was comfortable. She was not comfortable, though not as extreme as your wife sounds. Her concern was that I would damage my equipment. I assured her that it was a very slow process, and I would go at it slowly and cautiously, and that I could stop with no observable change if it turned out problematic, but I had to try it.

It turned out that in a month or so, she was the first to remark on how good intercourse felt and wondered why. After discussing things, we came to the conclusion that it was the tiny increase in skin mobility. Couldn't really see it, but could feel it. That converted her and she has become more and more supportive as time has gone on, and I have continued to share information about what I am reading.

It sounds like your wife is afraid of change, has been swept into the misinformation and fear mongering that is prevalent in our society. Even our doctors are really passive aggressively advocating circumcision. They are mostly clueless about foreskin, use fear mongering themselves, though in subtle ways, and present biased information.

I would discus this further with her, and show her things that you have read that compel you to undertake this. Not one conversation, but a number, covering different aspects. Showing her this thread or your original post sounds like a good idea, many times it can be easier to provide information in written form than verbally when emotions run high.

Oh, and BTW, those sites were not exaggerating the value of foreskin for sexual function and feeling. Instead they were spot on. The difference is like night and day, once you grow enough skin (which will take years probably, depending upon how much skin you were left with) and have the so called gliding action. You will likely have whole body orgasms. All the levels of arousal will feel great. Getting to climax will be easy and fun. Your wife won't need lube.

In case you have not found them, here are a few sites worth reading, for both of you:

http://www.circumstitions.com/
http://www.cirp.org/library/anatomy/cold-taylor/
http://www.sexasnatureintendedit.com/

Hope this helps and best wishes,

Regards

[Musical-Bicycle]

We've decided to not talk about it(or at least try not to) until the new year, just to give us some time to relax and enjoy the holidays. She has expressed her concerns that something may go wrong, and to be honest, I have that fear too. Not in the same way that she is worried though. She is worried I will irreversibly damage my penis, mostly because she doesn't understand the procedure. She thinks it's strange that I want to have "devices" attached to my penis for the sake of getting something that is, in her eyes, disgusting back.

I have been trying out manual tugging, and thankfully I have plenty of loose skin while limp to hopefully get started easily. However, I don't even know if I'm doing that right. I have so many questions that I want answered...

I eventually want full coverage while erect, but I don't want the foreskin to end up being loose and baggy like some I have seen during my research. For me, I think it's more of a "I want it to look like a natural penis" more than "I want it for better feeling sex". To me the pleasure is just a bonus.

Forgive me if this post seems rushed and unorganized. I just worked nearly 12 hours haha

[m4hornets]

We've decided to not talk about it(or at least try not to) until the new year, just to give us some time to relax and enjoy the holidays. She has expressed her concerns that something may go wrong, and to be honest, I have that fear too. Not in the same way that she is worried though. She is worried I will irreversibly damage my penis, mostly because she doesn't understand the procedure. She thinks it's strange that I want to have "devices" attached to my penis for the sake of getting something that is, in her eyes, disgusting back.

I have been trying out manual tugging, and thankfully I have plenty of loose skin while limp to hopefully get started easily. However, I don't even know if I'm doing that right. I have so many questions that I want answered...

I eventually want full coverage while erect, but I don't want the foreskin to end up being loose and baggy like some I have seen during my research. For me, I think it's more of a "I want it to look like a natural penis" more than "I want it for better feeling sex". To me the pleasure is just a bonus.

Forgive me if this post seems rushed and unorganized. I just worked nearly 12 hours haha

That's why we're here mate! It's a pain in the ass knowing that this could have been avoided had our parents said "No" (for the most part) but it'll be worth it in the end. There's an old adage I read in the Bible (I'm not religious so you can keep reading) about moving on. God destroyed some city and told these two or three people leaving the city not to look back, one of them didn't listen and she turned to stone. Point is, don't look at what's happened, just move forward and keep on tugging.

[freddys]

I have been trying out manual tugging, and thankfully I have plenty of loose skin while limp to hopefully get started easily. However, I don't even know if I'm doing that right. I have so many questions that I want answered...

Hello Musical-Bicycle.
You may find some good information about manual methods in the Beginner's Guide at www.RestoringForeskin.org.
You don't need to rush, since restoration is a long process. But support from your partner will be invaluable to keep motivated. It takes a long to change someone's attitude, but once the seed has been planted, reason will take over.
Best regards,
freddys.

[ctrclckws]

With regards to partner support, I'm right there with you. My wife still thinks it's silly, but at least she seems to understand its harmless.

As for baggy... natural foreskins vary also. Best suggestion is to not use anything oversized to help apply tension. Although there are some on here who agree to disagree on whether a tight snug restored foreskin is possible.

All I know is that my progress is satisfactory to me on that issue. For reference I primarily use TLC-tugger and supplement with DTR.

The TLC sizing is easy to adjust.

best wishes to you and hopefully she'll come around and really support you.

[greg_b]

Taking a pause is good. It will be difficult for her to overcome her feeling of a foreskin being disgusting, I am sure. But slowly, as she feels how it helps sexual pleasure, I am sure it will come about, with your patience and understanding.

My wife had the same fear of damaging my equipment. That is very natural, for both of you. Fortunately, based on my research and experience, that will not happen as long as you go slowly and cautiously. It is when we rush, try to get there too fast, that most problems occur.

Most worry about bagginess. As ctrclckws said, there is wide variation in how tight natural foreskin are. So we have to make guesses about how restoration could be effecting this. In addition, the foreskin varies in how tightly it grips, due to environmental conditions, particularly temperature. Warmer = baggier.

So far, all the evidence and experience I have is that restoring using all the common methods does not cause bagginess. And there is strong consensus on this among restorers that have progressed far enough to be able to assess this.

My experience is probably a good example. I use an insert for tension that is as wide as my shaft when erect. One could naturally fear that this could keep my foreskin baggy. Yet it is not, it grips tightly and even has a so called anteater appearance under the correct conditions.

Two things to keep in mind. Not everyone chooses to grow enough skin to look tight, because this takes so long and many benefits do not need that much skin. Second, we do put our skin under stress and this causes some swelling and redness that can last for considerable time. So pictures may not give an accurate assessment of how the restored foreskin looks without knowing the environmental conditions at the time it was taken, how long since the person last applied tension, and what his family tendencies are with regard to foreskin appearance.

Best wishes, and have a Happy Holiday!

[Musical-Bicycle]

Right now I am doing manual tugging using method 2. I am kind of confused about how to do it properly though. Am I supposed to be tugging the circumcision scar and stretching the shaft skin, or am I supposed to be stretching the remaining loose skin over my glans? I have been kind of hesitant to tug for a full total hour per day as I don't want to mess it up. I really want to go slowly and cautiously and get a good result.

[Tally]

Right now I am doing manual tugging using method 2. I am kind of confused about how to do it properly though. Am I supposed to be tugging the circumcision scar and stretching the shaft skin, or am I supposed to be stretching the remaining loose skin over my glans? I have been kind of hesitant to tug for a full total hour per day as I don't want to mess it up. I really want to go slowly and cautiously and get a good result.
Basically, with manual tugging method 2 (http://www.restoringforeskin.org/public/manual-tugging/method-2) you should tension all the skin from your hairline on your shaft up to your glans. For me, my circ scar was in the middle. I tugged it all until I grew enough skin where I could not tug it all at once, then I started tugging my skin in sections.

We need to grow a lot of skin. In the beginning, there is no reason to limit ourselves.

[Musical-Bicycle]

So it would be best to just stretch as much as I am comfortable with(i.e without pain) per day? How much loose skin should I have before I invest in an actual tugger? Keep in mind I am going to university right now, so I want to keep costs to a minimum, but still want good results as quickly and safely as possible.

[kestrelsire]

There appear to be very many approaches. I picked the DTR because I somehow got to that site first, and it looked like it would work for me. Every method that earns results is valid. My particular choice was mainly arbitrary, in the interest of getting started. I spent $100; and at nearly a year into it, I'd say it's worth about 10X what I paid. Tape is pretty cheap, manual tugging is free...

Probably everyone can tell you that to really see results one needs to persevere steadily and be patient, regardless of technique.

edit-ok I read through the other stuff and I'm guessing the other guys already covered everything I talked about... and have considerably more experience. If I have anything to add, it's that the increased pleasure began even just a few weeks in for me, on a subtle level. It builds gradually. I think maybe at 3 or 4 months my partner started noticing a little extra buzz from it. Women in America and elsewhere have been conditioned to think a certain way about this matter, but that view seems finally to be fading. I do think she could have been more considerate in her response. Some people just don't deal well---at first---with changes or unexpected viewpoints in sexuality.