How do I encourage my husband to restore?

[RaZZberry]

Hi, I’m new here. I am the wife of a circumcised male. After years of marriage we are realizing that my husband’s circumcision is causing me pain during sex. I always thought the pain was my fault. I was too sensitive to pain, I was too dry, I was too tight, it was my fault I didn’t enjoy sex more, it was all MY fault… I tried EVERYTHING to make sex more comfortable but nothing significantly helped. Now, we are realizing that circumcision is to blame.

I am SO angry over what circumcision has taken from our marriage! I am so upset that my husband and I cannot enjoy each other the way we are meant to! I am at a place where I am ready to move forward and I have asked my husband to restore but he isn’t there, yet. He’s read about it a little but I think he’s scared. He’s so used to the way his penis looks and he never wants to hurt me but I think he’s in shock. I’m just trying to be as supportive as possible and wait for him to be ready but I cannot image enduring this pain any longer. I feel like I am being selfish and I realize it is his penis and his decision but it is also our marriage and it affects me in a BIG way, no pun intended. I love him so much and I only want what is best for him…

So, my questions are… How do I encourage him to move forward and start the process of restoration? What made you decide it was time? What method worked best for you?

[MySkinPlease]

Something that definitely made it a must-do activity for me is this (http://sexasnatureintendedit.com/eBook/SANII_by_chapters_in_pdf.html) book. All of it is good reading. But especially chapter 13. Many of the comments and questions were too easy to relate to. I challenge any caring man not to want to restore after reading this

Good luck with explaining the benefits.

[vicousg42]

for me personally, it was a life long problem with sex that enabled me to do the research into sexual disability. ive always been against circ in one way or another, but these realizations have destroyed me.. so im restoring to make a statement, to rehabilitate myself, to be human. i was cut pretty tight, and prior to beginning restoring, ive never had an ejaculation from a partner. all of the women who ive ever had vaginal intercourse with, attempted handjobs, blowjobs. none of it ever worked until i went through the process of covering what i had left to regain sensitivity, and using lotions to rehydrate my chapped penis. it looks and feels much better, and im enjoying masturbation a lot more. sex is now possible..from time to time.. and very frustrating when it isnt.

i made these realizations because of my relationship with my girlfriend. its the longest ongoing one ive ever had, we're into it about 9 months or so. the last 6, since i discovered the true harm of genital mutilation on me and society, have been extremely difficult. my girlfriend is very unreceptive and doesn't seem to give a damn about restoration, and i doubt she even takes the topic seriously. i think she resents my anorgasmia to a point where she doesn't want to try and help me fix it. she plays with me, i get her off, sometimes i can. when i cant, it feels like she rolls over and goes to sleep after getting what she wanted.

short story long, your guy is very lucky to have you.. even though hes unlucky enough to be an amputee like us.. give him information, give him time. it took me 25 years to discover what im missing and how its impacted my life and every single relationship ive been in. its not something that we just "learn, acknowledge, and move on". restoration is slowly helping, but you cant expect to stay with it if you aren't going to make that lifestyle change. its not like doing pushups in the morning and taking vitamins. it changes your life. its not a process, its not a goal, its not a practice. its a journey, an emotionally epic one.

good luck. you know where to find us.

[RaZZberry]

Thanks so much for your replies.

I am in the middle of reading that book, Sex as Nature Intended. It's a very intense read. It's one of reasons why I feel so upset now, knowing what my husband and I have lost.

[RaZZberry]

Yes, I've seen that video, too. It was very powerful. Thanks for your advice. :)

[greg_b]

I am not sure how to encourage him to restore, but continuing the dialog in a supportive and understanding way is always good. I can offer that if he would like, I am happy to speak to him or he can PM me and have a private conversation, depending upon his comfort level.

The thing to keep in mind is it is hard to come to the conclusion that circumcision is so bad and we are missing so much. We have been conditioned for so long that it is the right thing to do, that the foreskin is useless and dirty, and that it is no big deal. It takes a while to work through that. Finding out you are a victim, your human rights were violated, and for no good reason is not easy to process.

I do not know what made me restore. When we had our first son, I found that I had a strong desire to keep him intact. When I first stumbled on restoration web sites, I couldn't stop reading and knew I wanted to give it a try. So I cannot say what made me want to, I seem to have wanted to as soon as I found out it was possible to restore a functioning foreskin and how valuable a foreskin is.

I use a method that I devised, t-tape strips and an insert for tension. It is easy to do, but the tape does inhibit spontaneous sex. Here are instructions, illustrated, so if you do not want to see a penis, be forewarned. It is an easy method to use, and does not take much time to do on a daily basis. I apply tension Mon-Thur, for 3-6 hrs a day, and take Fri - Sun off to rest and enjoy my foreskin with my wife. Here is the instruction manual:

http://www.restoringforeskin.org/images/greg_b-t-tape-strips-and-insert-llustrated.pdf

I can say that the results are fantastic. The skin looks just like an original equipment foreskin as far as I can tell. It hugs my glans, and after a cold bicycle ride, I have a tight anteater. Sex is so much better now for both me and my wife it is truly amazing, and far more than I expected. My wife does not need lube anymore, whereas before, she needed multiple applications each session. BTW, she was the first to comment, after just a few months, on it feeling better, not a huge difference, but enough to remark on. As time went on, the feelings kept getting better and better, especially after I reached the point of having the so called "gliding action" and began to have amazing, whole body orgasms. Every part of arousal feels wonderful, and I want to tarry at all stages they feel so good. And it is so easy to reach climax compared to before. My wife can masturbate me easily now, before she could only give me good feelings for a short while, then it became boring and physically she could not keep up the tempo. Before fantasies were absolutely required to get me to climax, and they had to be juicy ones. Now I forget to fantasize. My wife also has found that the foreskin adds considerably to the fun of sex. She enjoys manipulating and seeing it, and it feels silky and sexy sliding up and down.

I will say that when I first brought up the subject with my wife, she was worried that I might hurt myself and that she might not like the look. Neither issue has been an issue.

BTW, my wife was reading over my shoulder as I wrote this and helped add some details.

Regards

[admin]

Thanks so much for your replies.

I am in the middle of reading that book, Sex as Nature Intended. It's a very intense read.

Far more important than the book are the explicit videos at their web site. You two should watch them together.

[Them Boots]

Welcome to the forums!

I find it disgusting that you can walk into any bookstore and pick most any book on the topic of great sex, and they will devote at best 2-3 lines to the foreskin. Nature designed it so that the interface of friction resulting from the in and out motion takes place between the male's internal penile shaft and his outer skin, not between his outer skin and the woman's vagina. I would bet that the vast majority of those who consider themselves "sex therapists" also are completely ignorant about the foreskin and tend to blame the woman when things aren't working right. Touch this spot, touch that spot, but no mention of the biggest impact on the whole experience which is cut vs. uncut. Kind of like a book on how to throw a great dinner party that says nothing about the actual food you should serve.

You may also see if you can find a copy of "The Joy of Uncircumcising" by Jim Bigelow. This book is out of print and getting really expensive, but check with your local libraries because you might get lucky, the library in the next city over from me has a copy of it on shelf. It's ok to give your hubby time to think things over. This is a big blow to take and if he reads Bigelow's book he may become quite emotional, which for some men has to take place before they can set down the firm commitment to the years that restoration will take.

[admin]

How do I encourage him to move forward and start the process of restoration?

I think if you told him you were very eager to give him oral pleasure once he has become more responsive, that would pique his interest.

If you are in a situation where you can have intercourse without a condom, then I suggest you try this experiment. Use lots of water-based lube on the inside of a condom. He will feel his shaft sliding inside the slippery condom and you will feel motion from his penis but very little friction (until the condom slips off). This is a lot like what sex will feel like once he has ample slack. But it will be different for other reasons. He will be more responsive so he will tend to use more shallow penetrative actions, and he will depend more on stimulating you with his hands and his mouth.

I think the easiest way to start is to get him a Your-Skin Cone as a gift and see if you can talk him into wearing it. It's very comfortable and discreet. It just lets him keep the skin he has today rolled forward to cover the glans, like a foreskin. He keeps it on under his briefs during the day and while sleeping nude at night. Within a few weeks he will definitely notice more suppleness and sensitivity to his glans and to the mucosa between the glans and the circumcision scar.

[MisanthropeKitty]

I say read all you can about restoration and support him while he restores. I'm trying to talk mineinto restoring.

[slickskin]

I say read all you can about restoration and support him while he restores. I'm trying to talk mineinto restoring.

That's all I would ask of a partner. It's the circumcised man that's going to have to do the actual restoring, if he decides too.

[z726]

Over time, restoration will definitely decrease the amount of friction needed. For now, to avoid pain during intercourse, just use copious amounts of lube. :D

[admin]

^^ he will depend more on stimulating you with his hands and his mouth ^^
That bit I don't understand. "depend"? Did you perhaps mean to say that he is more *free* to stimulate her with his hands and mouth rather than having to focus on his penis?


I meant depend.

In my own case, I know if I tried to do the WHOLE job of pleasing my partner with just my penis - like I was some King of Siam with my dink poking out my silk robes - I would never be able to give her enough stimulation before I was finished. But I "depend" on the fact that during itercourse I can rub her vulva and foreskin, and can massage her breasts, and kiss her tenderly, and shove a couple fingers in her vagina along with my penis (in order to press the corona up against her G-spot). And in so doing I can give her as much as she can handle and accomplish it without rubbing my very sensitive penis to the point of irresistable pleasure sooner than is ideal. That is, I can pace myself just fine but to her it's not like "pacing" at all - it's full throttle. (Not to mention how much I depend on my ability to lick her liberally before penetration so she's already half-way down the road before the race starts. The fact that I have slinky slack means she can massage my glans through the skin while I'm licking, without risk of rubbing me raw or overstimulating me).

-Ron

[MelancholyLogic]

[Foreskin restoration] changes your life. its not a process, its not a goal, its not a practice. its a journey, an emotionally epic one.

Well said!

[RaZZberry]

Thank you, everyone, for your responses! I think I will definetly look into the Your-Skin Cone for him.

[MySkinPlease]

I'm attached to my cone. literally! 24/7. after a week of wearing it the difference is amazing.

I look forward to the day when I stay covered 24/7 with my own skin. We all do. Until then, the cone keeps my glans covered

[Anon102]

We want back what is rightfully ours....I wear my restored foreskin with pride and our sex life is better than ever now...it is a journey and one well worth taking...it's ongoing...now I am covered I want more!!! Good luck! ;)

[RaZZberry]

As of last night, he's still just in the thinking-about-it stage but at least we're learning a lot.

He says there are other ways we can make love that don't require any penetration that would be enjoyable. Of course there are and I'd be willing to try those options with him but I honestly don't think they will be as fulfilling. He expressed that he was scared, that the whole idea of restoration was scary to him. …everything new or different is scary to him… He's not convinced it will help. Maybe he's in denial?

I suggested the condom idea so maybe we'll try it soon.

Maybe if I suggest the Your Skin Cone as a way to help things on my end he'd be willing to give it a go. Then, maybe, he would be interested to continue because it would help things on his end, too. I wonder if that would give him the physical evidence that he seems to need?

I also told him that if he restored, oral sex might be more enjoyable for him because he might be more responsive. I could see his eyes light up. :)

Anyway, we’re talking things through but sometimes getting him to talk is like pulling teething

[RaZZberry]

Yes! Doubt would be far more accurate in describing how he feels.

He also seems overwhelmed by how long restoration could take.

[MySkinPlease]

3 years of restoring isn't long, considering I've spent 30 years using a damaged member. it definitely is a big commitment to restore though.

[RaZZberry]

I just feel like I'm discouraging him more than anything, right now. He seems so beaten down and I feel like it's my fault. I'm trying to be as gentle and understanding as possible but any words that put his circumcised penis into question seem to make him upset and defensive. I do want to be encouraging and I hope that soon he will see that.

[MySkinPlease]

start slowly. don't overdo it. he needs to want this. a week of stretching the skin will loosen it enough to know he will want more. a bigger commitment can wait until after seeing some improvements.

[peterpink]

I just feel like I'm discouraging him more than anything, right now. He seems so beaten down and I feel like it's my fault. I'm trying to be as gentle and understanding as possible but any words that put his circumcised penis into question seem to make him upset and defensive. I do want to be encouraging and I hope that soon he will see that.

Just let things go. Tell him you are there to listen to him any time he wants to talk. He is most likely very vulnerable at the moment as he realizes he is not all he thought he was. The reaction is like that of a women who has been raped while drugged. Be supportive. He may be gradually move from denial into the anger stage of grieving.

[RaZZberry]

Thanks for your perspectives. He did mention last night that he felt like I was trying to manipulate him. Reading your words helps me understand his comment. It hurt at the time but it makes sense, from his perspective.

[Science Monk]

In addition to the aforementioned book,
"Sex as Nature Intended It" by Kirsten O'Hara,
there is another book on sexual technique that you and your husband may be interested in:

“How To Satisfy a Woman Every Time…and Have Her Beg for More!: The First and Only Book that Tells You Exactly How” by Naura Hayden.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Satisfy-Woman-Every-Time/dp/094210417X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1316558956&sr=1-1

This long-time best seller has sold over 2.5 million copies in the U.S. We restorer/intactivists immediately recognize that one of the things this book does is it instructs circ’d men to adopt a kinder and gentler thrusting action, like that of an intact man, and to move in closer to one’s female partner to give her more clitoral stimulation, again, like an intact man typically does.

“How To Satisfy a Woman Every Time" may improve your and your husband's sex life whether he decides to restore his foreskin or not.

Naura Hayden has also written, "How to Satisfy a MAN Every Time," and "The Sexually Delicious Marriage," but I have not read them.

David
World As Monkey Island

[admin]

try this experiment. Use lots of water-based lube on the inside of a condom. He will feel his shaft sliding inside the slippery condom and you will feel motion from his penis but very little friction (until the condom slips off). This is a lot like what sex will feel like once he has ample slack.

Holy shit I just saw a commercial on Cable for Trojan Ecstasy condoms and this is EXACTLY what they do - SIMULATE SEX WITH A FORESKIN!

http://www.trojancondoms.com/Product/ultra-ribbed-ecstasy-lubricated-condoms.aspx

EDIT - See our other discussion: http://foreskin-restoration.net/forum/showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=9129

[RaZZberry]

Well, you are trying to manipulate him, but in a positive way.

LOL You're so right!

[RaZZberry]

Holy shit I just saw a commercial on Cable for Trojan Ecstasy condoms and this is EXACTLY what they do - SIMULATE SEX WITH A FORESKIN!

http://www.trojancondoms.com/Product/ultra-ribbed-ecstasy-lubricated-condoms.aspx

Cheese and rice! I wonder if it really works?!

[ctrclckws]

The Book Joy of Uncircumcising is available as a PDF from

http://www.norm.org/joy.html

Although, the google search also brought up some free / unapproved sources.

[RaZZberry]

I'll definitely take a look. Ya'll have been amazing!

[RaZZberry]

My husband came home from work today and told me he thought it was a good idea to restore his foreskin! Apparently, he has been doing a ton of research, on his own, and feels it would greatly benefit both of us. I am SO happy for him, for me, for our marriage. I think I’m in shock right now. This is awesome!

Now, we need to find the right method that works best for him…

[Science Monk]

Sorry, but as a member of NORM for eleven years, I know the history of accounts of women approaching us to try to get their men to restore their foreskins has met with little or no success.

For a man to restore, HE has to want to do it. The situation is similar to trying to get someone to lose weight, give up smoking or drinking, stay with an exercise program, or engage in any other form of self-improvement. The motivation has to come from within.

So, you have convince him that HE wants to do it.

But it is truly beautiful when HE is highly motivated to do it, and THE TWO OF THEM, as a couple, agree on a path of restoring for HIM, and SHE supports HIM in his efforts and the whole thing works out for the THE TWO OF THEM. I've seen that happen firsthand with members of the NORM groups I've belonged to.

As for your husband being a little scared: I think I know where he is coming from. When I first stumbled across the foreskin restoration web sites 11 years ago, my first reaction was, "Why would anyone want to do that?" After learning about some of the benefits of whole genitalia, I still had my doubts about what I perceived was leaving my USAmerican social group by acquiring a foreskin (circumcision was universal in my 1970s high school locker room).

Nevertheless, I was intrigued.

Later, at home that same day, I tried one of the simplest methods - cross-taping (also known as a tape strap) - using old medical tapes and Band-Aids I had around the house, just to see if it would do anything.

For a photo (graphic nudity) of a cross-tape in use see:
http://www.eskimo.com/~gburlin/restore/restdis.html

After three days of wearing the cross-tape as close to 24 hours per as possible, I felt a noticeable increase in the sensitivity of my frenulum. I found a cross-tape to be a potent aphrodisiac. ( I also found the very best tape to use for cross-taping was 3M's Nexcare Absolute Waterproof (a tan-colored foam tape, 1-inch wide)). After three weeks of wearing a cross-tape, I realized I never wanted to again live with my glans and inner skin exposed to the abrasive effects of the cotton jersey of my underwear. I researched the fastest ways available to restore, and used the T-tape and strap method. It took about two years.

But that was eleven years ago. I still think cross-taping is a great way to start experimenting with restoring. However, the more up-to-date correlates of the methods I used are the tapeless Your Skin cone and the TLC Tuggers available at tlcTugger.com. Married men, who enjoy having spontaneous sex with their spouses, are appreciative of how fast the tapeless tuggers come off.

The point of my cross-taping story is: I didn't actually become committed restorer until I felt a FUNCTIONAL difference. Until then, I thought cut versus uncut was just an aesthetic choice. I didn't know there was a big difference in feeling.

But my views about the aesthetics were to be influenced by some web sites too. My aesthetic choice was firmly steered towards intact when I reviewed the
Gallery of Intact Med and their Penises at circumstitions.com
http://www.circumstitions.com/Gallery.html

and I compared that with the Botched Gallery at the same site:
http://www.circumstitions.com/Botched.html

The Gallery of Intact Penises in Art was also of interest:
http://www.circumstitions.com/Art1.html

My aesthetic stance now:
Intact is beautiful! Partially amputated and scarified is ugly!
The whole, unblemished human body is to be held in high esteem no matter what anyone else says to the contrary!

The real reward occurs when a man has tugged enough to generate enough new foreskin to feel the gliding action of the foreskin during sexual intercourse. He is also often gratified to learn that his female partner notices the vast improvement in stimulation too. The foreskin bunches up and acts as a plug to prevent the loss of lubrication with each outstroke. The foreskin also stimulates her G-spot. Purrrfect!

See this web page,
Anatomy of the Penis, Mechanics of Intercourse
(and remember to scroll to see "The gliding mechanism" illustrations):
http://www.cirp.org/pages/anat/

I have a damn-near perfect result. It is virtually impossible to tell I was ever cut. My breadcrust of a circ scar completely resorbed. You really have to search through the folds skin at the junction of the inner and outer foreskin to find any thin hack marks that betray that I was ever circumcised (and to think I almost dismissed it all because I thought the results would almost certainly be something only the body modification crowd would love.)

I love being natural.

David
World As Monkey Island

[RaZZberry]

We must have cross posted. Thank you, for this.

Sorry, but as a member of NORM for eleven years, I know the history of accounts of women approaching us to try to get their men to restore their foreskins has met with little or no success.

For a man to restore, HE has to want to do it. The situation is similar to trying to get someone to lose weight, give up smoking or drinking, stay with an exercise program, or engage in any other form of self-improvement. The motivation has to come from within.

So, you have convince him that HE wants to do it.

But it is truly beautiful when HE is highly motivated to do it, and THE TWO OF THEM, as a couple, agree on a path of restoring for HIM, and SHE supports HIM in his efforts and the whole thing works out for the THE TWO OF THEM. I've seen that happen firsthand with members of the NORM groups I've belonged to.

As for your husband being a little scared: I think I know where he is coming from. When I first stumbled across the foreskin restoration web sites 11 years ago, my first reaction was, "Why would anyone want to do that?" After learning about some of the benefits of whole genitalia, I still had my doubts about what I perceived was leaving my USAmerican social group by acquiring a foreskin (circumcision was universal in my 1970s high school locker room).

Nevertheless, I was intrigued.

Later, at home that same day, I tried one of the simplest methods - cross-taping (also known as a tape strap) - using old medical tapes and Band-Aids I had around the house, just to see if it would do anything.

For a photo (graphic nudity) of a cross-tape in use see:
http://www.eskimo.com/~gburlin/restore/restdis.html

After three days of wearing the cross-tape as close to 24 hours per as possible, I felt a noticeable increase in the sensitivity of my frenulum. I found a cross-tape to be a potent aphrodisiac. ( I also found the very best tape to use for cross-taping was 3M's Nexcare Absolute Waterproof (a tan-colored foam tape, 1-inch wide)). After three weeks of wearing a cross-tape, I realized I never wanted to again live with my glans and inner skin exposed to the abrasive effects of the cotton jersey of my underwear. I researched the fastest ways available to restore, and used the T-tape and strap method. It took about two years.

But that was eleven years ago. I still think cross-taping is a great way to start experimenting with restoring. However, the more up-to-date correlates of the methods I used are the tapeless Your Skin cone and the TLC Tuggers available at tlcTugger.com. Married men, who enjoy having spontaneous sex with their spouses, are appreciative of how fast the tapeless tuggers come off.

The point of my cross-taping story is: I didn't actually become committed restorer until I felt a FUNCTIONAL difference. Until then, I thought cut versus uncut was just an aesthetic choice. I didn't know there was a big difference in feeling.

But my views about the aesthetics were to be influenced by some web sites too. My aesthetic choice was firmly steered towards intact when I reviewed the
Gallery of Intact Med and their Penises at circumstitions.com
http://www.circumstitions.com/Gallery.html

and I compared that with the Botched Gallery at the same site:
http://www.circumstitions.com/Botched.html

The Gallery of Intact Penises in Art was also of interest:
http://www.circumstitions.com/Art1.html

My aesthetic stance now:
Intact is beautiful! Partially amputated and scarified is ugly!
The whole, unblemished human body is to be held in high esteem no matter what anyone else says to the contrary!

The real reward occurs when a man has tugged enough to generate enough new foreskin to feel the gliding action of the foreskin during sexual intercourse. He is also often gratified to learn that his female partner notices the vast improvement in stimulation too. The foreskin bunches up and acts as a plug to prevent the loss of lubrication with each outstroke. The foreskin also stimulates her G-spot. Purrrfect!

See this web page,
Anatomy of the Penis, Mechanics of Intercourse
(and remember to scroll to see "The gliding mechanism" illustrations):
http://www.cirp.org/pages/anat/

I have a damn-near perfect result. It is virtually impossible to tell I was ever cut. My breadcrust of a circ scar completely resorbed. You really have to search through the folds skin at the junction of the inner and outer foreskin to find any thin hack marks that betray that I was ever circumcised (and to think I almost dismissed it all because I thought the results would almost certainly be something only the body modification crowd would love.)

I love being natural.

David
World As Monkey Island

[z726]

My husband came home from work today and told me he thought it was a good idea to restore his foreskin! Apparently, he has been doing a ton of research, on his own, and feels it would greatly benefit both of us. I am SO happy for him, for me, for our marriage. I think I’m in shock right now. This is awesome!

Now, we need to find the right method that works best for him…

Sounds like he gave more consideration to what you discussed a few days ago than you may have thought. It's just a lot of information to process - especially (at first) the very idea that the penis can even be altered in this way.

All the methods work. I would suggest first looking into manual tugging, since that's the quickest way to get started. It can be a method in itself, or of course there are all kinds of devices out there. If glans sensitivity is an issue for him, I would recommend some sort of retaining method like cross tape or a Your Skin Cone unless he decides to use a method that provides coverage while tugging (most of them do).

Ask him if he's found this site yet. We're here to answer questions on how it all works.

[greg_b]

My husband came home from work today and told me he thought it was a good idea to restore his foreskin! Apparently, he has been doing a ton of research, on his own, and feels it would greatly benefit both of us. I am SO happy for him, for me, for our marriage. I think I’m in shock right now. This is awesome!

Now, we need to find the right method that works best for him…

Great news!

As he is looking for what method to try, don't worry about which is most effective at growing skin. They all are. Instead look at how easy a particular method will fit into your and his lifestyle.

For example, taping, like I do, inhibits sex as tape gets in the way and is not so easy to remove on the spur of the moment. This is not a problem for my wife and I because we are generally busy during the weekdays, so save sex for the weekends when I am not taped up. And I take some weeks off during the year, which gives us times when spontaneous sex during the weeks is possible.

The key to whatever method working is to make it part of the daily routine. Like brushing teeth. Integrate it into your lifestyle. Then settle down and enjoy the improvements as they come. You and he will find improvements as he restores.

Regards

[Science Monk]

We must have cross posted. Thank you, for this.

Great News! Both you and your husband are hip!

I guess we did cross post, but I won't count it as wasted effort on my part. I think you can still gleen useful information from my post. Also, when I answer a post, I try to answer it so every onlooker who might be in a similar situation might benefit. That's why I tend to be...hmmm...long-winded.

As for methods...

A Comparison Chart of the Methods is here:
http://www.x-mail.net/restore/compare.htm

The NORM-Phoenix site has a good devices page:
http://norm-az.org/restore_devices.asp

Again, I recommend get started with cross-taping and/or a Your Skin cone. These methods will allow hubby to experience the increase in sensitivity that usually accompanies keeping the glans continuously covered with foreskin. Increased sensitivity early in a restoration is a powerful motivator. These simple methods will also allow him to experience some of the inconveniences of restoring. These simple methods are also retention methods that he will fall back on time and again during the course of his restoration once he graduates to a more aggressive, faster method.

3M Nexcare Absolute Waterproof tape is widely available at drug and discount chains for about $5 USD per roll. Last time I looked, Walmart had it cheapest (about $4). Band-Aids can be used if the glans insists upon protruding when taped up. The cottony part of the Band-Aid should be situated so it makes contact with the glans. Nothing sticky should come into contact with the glans. Alternatively, a faux Band-Aid can be made from tape by placing a square of tape sticky-side to sticky-side on another length of tape to substitute for the cottony part of a Band-Aid strip. When buying Band-Aids, buy the 1-inch-wide strips in preference to the ones sold in metric measure, which are a bit thinner (about 0.8-inch-wide). The little extra width helps. Also, get Band-Aids that are moisture resistant - often sold as "Sports" or "Active" strips. I had good luck with cheaper store brands of Band-Aids. You don't have to spend extra for the brand name. The newer "waterproof" Band-Aids that have come on the market n recent years tend to adhere too firmly to be peeled back several times a day without causing undo skin irritation.

Hubby should explore manual tugging. Believe it on not, it works.
It's not the fastest method, but some guys love the freedom from devices.
I didn't like it because it didn't like the feeling of constantly touching my circ scar.

I used the T-tape and strap method. I'm still a strong advocate of it for power-restoring (i.e., doing everything to go as fast as you can.) It is also a comfortable method for applying high tensions. T-tapes have to be soaked off though, inhibiting spontaneous sex.

The most popular commercial devices in the U.S.currently are:
TLC Tuggers
DTR
CAT Q R

The TLC-X seems to been the fastest growing part of the market.

David
World As Monkey Island

[RaZZberry]

I know he will really appreciate that chart. He's such a lists and charts kind of guy.

[Science Monk]

Oh David, tell me it isn't so! ;)

I personally would choose the words thoughtful and complete...

JO

Thank you. Short notes of appreciation, like yours, help keep me rambling.

David
World As Monkey Island

[RaZZberry]

Oh David, tell me it isn't so! ;)

I personally would choose the words thoughtful and complete...

JO

I agree!

[ctrclckws]

And as you and hubby explore the options, you can always help with manual tugging. At least one person that used to post here occasionally mentioned that she tugged him in the hot tub. This was an older couples enjoying the restoration process.

[RaZZberry]

And as you and hubby explore the options, you can always help with manual tugging. At least one person that used to post here occasionally mentioned that she tugged him in the hot tub. This was an older couples enjoying the restoration process.

I'd be willing but it makes me a bit nervous. I'd be afraid of tugging too hard and causing a skin tear or something.

[MySkinPlease]

many of us can only wish for such an understanding and helpful wife/partner. my wife is supportive, but doesn't participate in the restoration efforts. maybe I need to learn how to "sell" the benefits to my wife, and get her to participate.

[Science Monk]

I'd be willing but it makes me a bit nervous. I'd be afraid of tugging too hard and causing a skin tear or something.

You may want to leave the tugging to him. After all, your brain isn't wired into his pain receptors, so you can't feel exactly when you are causing him pain. But massage of the growing foreskin when he has his device off helps - and maybe you can (sensuously) help with that.

Massage increases blood circultion to the tissue. It also reduces inflammation in the foreskin tissue, which is a problem throughout a restoration journey. Reducing inflammation in the tissue can help speed progress. Massage in a hot tub, for instance, is really prime.

Biologically, tugging hard enough to induce cell division causes inflammation in the tissue, which manifests as a swelling of the foreskin. This bothers a lot of guys because they feel they may be growing a floppy-looking foreskin. But they should not worry about this so much because the inflammation will eventually leave the tissue once he has acheived the desired length and ceases tugging efforts. (However, also please be advised, the swelling actually goes up after one stops tugging for a period of days, or even weeks, depending upon the individual (for me it was 5 days) before it begins to go down. But at the end of the restoration journey, he ends up with a foreskin that slims down and grips the glans like an intact man's does. Have faith! This DOES happen!

David
World As Mnokey Island

[RaZZberry]

I'm sure he''ll appreciate knowing this.

I feel leaving the tugging to him is a better idea, too. He seems to think I"m already bossy in so many other areas and I don't want to add this one, as well. LOL His body, his choice...right?

You may want to leave the tugging to him. After all, your brain isn't wired into his pain receptors, so you can't feel exactly when you are causing him pain. But massage of the growing foreskin when he has his device off helps - and maybe you can (sensuously) help with that.

Massage increases blood circultion to the tissue. It also reduces inflammation in the foreskin tissue, which is a problem throughout a restoration journey. Reducing inflammation in the tissue can help speed progress. Massage in a hot tub, for instance, is really prime.

Biologically, tugging hard enough to induce cell division causes inflammation in the tissue, which manifests as a swelling of the foreskin. This bothers a lot of guys because they feel they may be growing a floppy-looking foreskin. But they should not worry about this so much because the inflammation will eventually leave the tissue once he has acheived the desired length and ceases tugging efforts. (However, also please be advised, the swelling actually goes up after one stops tugging for a period of days, or even weeks, depending upon the individual (for me it was 5 days) before it begins to go down. But at the end of the restoration journey, he ends up with a foreskin that slims down and grips the glans like an intact man's does. Have faith! This DOES happen!

David
World As Mnokey Island

[greg_b]

I'm sure he''ll appreciate knowing this.

I feel leaving the tugging to him is a better idea, too. He seems to think I"m already bossy in so many other areas and I don't want to add this one, as well. LOL His body, his choice...right?

Right.

Be patient. There is a significant learning curve with restoration. Some need time to try, stop, ponder, etc.

Best wishes

[MySkinPlease]

you can help celebrate his success though :D

[RaZZberry]

you can help celebrate his success though :D

Yes, indeed!

[RaZZberry]

Razz, when is your husband going to join the rest of us here? He's a fellow tugger now (or soon will be). Might as well be part of us...

JO

Great question. I'll ask him.

[EliteDoomer]

You can't control anyone else but what you can do is present sound information and show that you care.

I highly suggest the book The Joy of Uncircumcising, getting him paper tape and 3m transpore (as an introduction) and a TLC Tugger. Tell him that he can restore some of what he has lost and that such would improve your sex life and most of all that you are there for him as Pandora's box has been opened. The truth is that circ is unbelievably cruel and coming to terms with its consequences is Hell on earth.

Also manual methods are good to throw in the mix, keep the tissues guessing :)

Thank you for your post, it means a lot to me to hear females that hate circ as I do.

[RaZZberry]

You can't control anyone else but what you can do is present sound information and show that you care.

I highly suggest the book The Joy of Uncircumcising, getting him paper tape and 3m transpore (as an introduction) and a TLC Tugger. Tell him that he can restore some of what he has lost and that such would improve your sex life and most of all that you are there for him as Pandora's box has been opened. The truth is that circ is unbelievably cruel and coming to terms with its consequences is Hell on earth.

Also manual methods are good to throw in the mix, keep the tissues guessing :)

Thank you for your post, it means a lot to me to hear females that hate circ as I do.

Thank you...all of you...for listening.

He hasn't started restoring and it looks like we have hit a road block. He's back to square one, thinking that it can't possibly be his penis that is to blame. I've explained that it would help him and our sex life but he doesn't feel there is anything wrong with him. He seems to be in denial, right now. I have suggested books, forums, websites...but he seems uninterested or overwhelmed by it all. He's just the type of guy to over think things and procrastinate. I have no idea what to do and I think I'm just going to let it go for now.

[jojodancer]

Hello, I'm just curious. What makes you think it's the fault of his penis? It actually makes sense though I've never thought about it. If he loves you he will at least try. Just support him. :)

[RaZZberry]

Hello, I'm just curious. What makes you think it's the fault of his penis? It actually makes sense though I've never thought about it. If he loves you he will at least try. Just support him. :)

I think his circumcision is the issue because I have no problem making lubricaiton or getting aroused. Pretty sure that the dryness, raw burning feeling is due to the friction of having no foreskin.

[intact]

I think his circumcision is the issue because I have no problem making lubricaiton or getting aroused. Pretty sure that the dryness, raw burning feeling is due to the friction of having no foreskin.

of course. that is a nobrainer. you will experience the difference soon.
have fun good luck

[peterpink]

He's just the type of guy to over think things and procrastinate. I have no idea what to do and I think I'm just going to let it go for now.

I know it is frustrating, but give him some time and space. It is not easy for a man to admit there is something wrong with his dick. From his point of view it is like saying that he is not a complete man and a great challenge to his masculinity. I have a Powerpoint on reasons to restore which I can send if you give me an email address. It does not explain how, just the reasons to do it.

[Science Monk]

Thank you...all of you...for listening.

He hasn't started restoring and it looks like we have hit a road block. He's back to square one, thinking that it can't possibly be his penis that is to blame. I've explained that it would help him and our sex life but he doesn't feel there is anything wrong with him. He seems to be in denial, right now. I have suggested books, forums, websites...but he seems uninterested or overwhelmed by it all. He's just the type of guy to over think things and procrastinate. I have no idea what to do and I think I'm just going to let it go for now.
Damn!
Well, like I said in my earlier post in this thread:
The record of women getting their men to restore by approaching us is a poor one. HE has to want to do it.

But I haven't given up hope that both of you are hip!

Should hubby cycle back, show him my former post here, under the thread: Some Basic Questions.
In it, I give 18 reasons to restore, and 17 are for him. It's fun reading:
http://foreskin-restoration.net/forum/showpost.php?p=68286&postcount=6

David
World As Monkey Island

[kestrelsire]

I haven't read every post in this thread, but it's also worth mentioning that this is a very slow and gradual process. He's not going to to do anything irrevocably noticeable to anyone for several months, going by what seem to be the vast majority of restorers' experiences.

[photenman]

Should hubby cycle back, show him my former post here, under the thread: Some Basic Questions.
In it, I give 18 reasons to restore, and 17 are for him. It's fun reading:
http://foreskin-restoration.net/forum/showpost.php?p=68286&postcount=6

David
World As Monkey Island

I think as additional reasons, restoration improves intimacy between the couple. Also circumcision decreases penis size by 3/16 inch on average flaccid and 5/16 inch erect. Restoration helps regain the lost size. It is also more comfortable to have enough slack to accommodate an erection.

I also didn't read the whole thread, but suggest for starters on the restoration menu, if not suggested before, the MySkinCone from TLCTugger.com for about $8. Just wear it for two weeks and the glans starts to change from gray and lifeless to rosy and alive, and with that comes increased sensitivity. Even wearing it just at night would make a difference. That certainly motivated me to start tugging.

I also recommend a device, easier than tugging. He can move from the MySkinCone to the cone plus the one big weight (attached with a D ring). I wear that some days and can feel the tension, yet it's discreet. You might ask our fearless leader Admin, but I think the single weight would be enough to grow foreskin (no strap). And it's a bit advanced, but most days, I use a strap that attaches with Velcro above the knee - very easy on/off.

[JimOZ6]

RaZZ, when is he going to join us all here? I think direct interactions with the rest of us will help. There is "nothing wrong with him". It isn't about right/wrong so much as that all of us guys who were cut were robbed, most of us without our consent. Nothing is wrong with "us". But something wrong was done to us, and it has less than desirable effects. Most of us grew up with a sense that we were normal, and didn't think anything bad happened when we were circumcised. In fact, we pretty well counted on that.

I can well imagine he is a bit overwhelmed. But hopefully he can join us HERE and begin to talk about it. He can send private messages, and find a comparative (emotional) safety for now. After all, even though YOU are amazingly supportive, he has to accept a lot to get to the point that something bad was done to him, and to get to a level of understanding just how significant that was (when all along he thought all was well).

Jim

Thank you...all of you...for listening.

He hasn't started restoring and it looks like we have hit a road block. He's back to square one, thinking that it can't possibly be his penis that is to blame. I've explained that it would help him and our sex life but he doesn't feel there is anything wrong with him. He seems to be in denial, right now. I have suggested books, forums, websites...but he seems uninterested or overwhelmed by it all. He's just the type of guy to over think things and procrastinate. I have no idea what to do and I think I'm just going to let it go for now.

[RaZZberry]

He talked about it, again, the other night and explained that he was still thinking of restoring, it's just that he's worried it won't help with my pain. So, we discussed that side of the issue, again. The mechanics of a foreskin, the fact that I probably need it more than most women because I am so sensitive...

Part of him doesn't want to start restoring because that means that option is always open and there is always hope for our intimate life. Another part of him feels like he can't go on knowing that our intimate life is lacking, if it doesn't help. He's mentioned many times that he wished I had never told him because then things would go on the way they were (that always makes me very upset because I am not one to sweep things under the rug, so to speak).

I think it is all starting to REALLY sink in, now, for him. I'm sure it will take a while for him to process everything and I agree there is nothing wrong with him...he didn't have a choice. I will suggest he join the forum, again. Thanks, guys.:)

[greg_b]

If it helps, You can assure him that my wife noticed very soon into my restoration how much better it felt for her. He does not have to worry that it won't help.

As far as discomfort, she needed lube multiple times during a single session of intercourse. Now she does not need any.

It is no fault of his, as I am sure you have said. He is a victim. So am I and everyone this was done to. We should not feel bad or anything, it was done without our agreement, it was done under faulty logic and reasoning. Noone who can think critically would do this today. No one.

But we have the chance to make things better, to recover what was taken from us. I do not know anyone who has lost a body part who would not grow it back if they could. Why should we be any different?

Feel free to have him contact me via PM if that helps him sort this out. You both have a lot to gain, but he needs to do it and convince himself.

Regards

[maxadam]

Let it be his choice... your encouragement may seems forcing your decision on him. This can make him think he is not good and it can cause ED problem. So be happy in what you are getting..

[Colorado]

Other reasons to restore.

Oral sex. I can't climax from Oral....thanks to being circumcised.
Is he satisfied with that aspect of your love life. Have him think about that.
Colorado

[tootype2crazy]

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ee/Penisfrenulum.jpg

Your husband may not be into looking at other guys' dicks, but it could help to show him the above photo. It shows how the foreskin is supposed to function, with a wet foreskin and shiny glans. He may not have a frenulum, but at the very least we restorers can have a sense of wholeness and a shiny, moist glans.

[alex-oh]

Your husband may not be into looking at other guys' dicks...

I don't understand. What good is looking at that photo supposed to do? That's just a photo of what might be an unusually tight frenulum, and it's really unattractive in my opinion. Here's a better looking frenulum that's only the slightest bit tight: http://www.newforeskin.biz/CI/CIchart.htm#exceptions
But who cares about the frenulum so much? There are guys who have never been cut who detach their tight frenula. The frenulum does nice things but it's actually the ridged band attached to it that was the best feeling part of the penis. But who really cares about any of that now?

You need to enjoy sex until restoring gets somewhere. It sounds like you need to use lube if you aren't (or more lube) at least until he's got enough slack to not require it as much. This takes the pressure off about restoring. And makes it just about being able to enjoy sex more rather than at all.

[hondo]

Since your husband seems to be fine with his circumcision it doesnt really make sense to talk him into disliking it.
Whether or not he is in fact fine with it or has anything buried isnt really an issue.
You're not doing it for his therapy.

So, what can you do?
You have to find out how important it is to you that he restores.
You have to consider alternatives.
Is there really no lube that doesnt give you problems?
Some medical grade lube?
Some natural "organic" lube?
Is the lubrication factor even the the major focus for you?
Is it more important that you feel your sexual variabilty is somewhat limited?

After you have carved out what really it is you long for, you need to come to a conclusion, how important it is to you that he complies.
You dont tell him, why it should be important to him for his sake, you tell him that it's important to you and why it is.
Then you give him time to see inside himself what his stance is.

If you ask me, pleasuring your woman is any man's goal.
Isnt that why every guy thinks he needs a bigger penis?

You say you have a good emotional relationship.
Since that's the case, it should be of interest to him how you feel and how he can be a caring partner.
Of course it's his body, so you're definitely asking something there.
No question.

However, it's not like you want him to get surgery.
It's nothing that is done in a moment and then he has to deal with the consequences.

Once he isnt totally against it anymore to a point where is completely defensive, make him aware that he can always stop again if he decides it's really not for him.
Also there is no necessity to go all the way until he has inches of overhang.
Maybe a year or 2, just add in inch or 2, will make the crucial difference, in terms of lubrication.

If he is absolutely not complying, maybe a device like an artificial "hood" is an option.
Something that will sensitize his glans and possibly keep it a little moist.
I dont know much about it, so you have to see if that may be an option.
Also i dont recall, is there maybe some slack skin, because then maybe he doesnt need to restore at ll, he might just wear something like an o-ring to retain the skin over his glans.

[Chikoroll]

get him a bottle of "Neutrogena body moisturising cream" and get him to rub it up twice a day - use it as a lube if you will (can be used internally)

after a month, the penis will be incredibly smooth, couple that with the efforts of restoring, and whoooa it's a nice sensation - for both parties
:cool: