How do I tell my wife I'm restoring?

[jwforeskin]

We invited a couple over last weekend, a friend of my wives. Somehow the discussion of circumcision came up. My personality is such that I'm unwilling to merely accept the cultural norm, and I've always had an interest in this concept of circumcision.

The couple that we invited over doesn't accept cultural norms, and I've recently been researching the topic of circumcision. I've decided to start the restoration process and have been manually tugging and using the trombone mouthpiece technique some, but not consistently.. During dinner, the conversation somehow came up. My wife hasn't bothered to censor her strong viewpoint that circumcision is always the way to go. The couple brought up several things regarding the topic that I agreed with and had been researching.

My wife was the only pro circumcision advocate at the table. Also, she is Jewish and has that heritage, but it's just simply a heritage and not necessarily a religious conviction. She very strongly voiced her opinion that being uncircumcised was ugly and looked like an alien. She's also a nurse, so she has to go through the, what I can imagine to be, gross routine of cleaning uncircumcised men's penises.

We haven't really discussed this topic, other than me saying in the conversation with the couple that I sided on that of not circumcising your children, for the express reason that I'm not convinced parents have the right to decide something like that. I didn't mention that maybe the entire concept of circumcision should be re-examined, given the evolution of anti biotics, and the Biblical principal being outdated due to the progression of science. All of this even neglecting the personal reasons for my interest in restoring.

Without even getting into those issues of personal preference, how can I bring this up with my wife? This is a highly controversial topic, and, her being a nurse, this is a topic that she has expressed strong opinions of. I don't think she even knows what foreskin restoration is.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, I feel that I'm totally alone in this endeavor. Sorry for any typos - I'm a bit annebriated!

[ctrclckws]

I certainly feel for you, jw...

My wife is also strongly in favor of circumcision, for no good reason, as far as I am concerned. The funny thing is, she is from India, of Hindu heritage, for which circumcision is not common.

I've been restoring for years, eventually she saw me doing something with my penis and a tugger. She already knew I was against routine cutting, she just didn't know I was doing something about it.

I also, unfortunately, have a habit of NOT discussing things with her, that I think she won't like. It was not a good thing for a little while.

to your question, you could always get cut again, if it doesn't work out for the better.

Breaking through the Jewish heritage, and the cultural conditioning in the US will be a bit of a challenge. You know your wife better than I, and how open to change she might be.

There are Jewish groups rejecting circumcision. jewsagainstcircumcision.com? maybe.

Unfortunately, Circumcision is so ingrained in both Jewish and American culture that logical arguments and facts have a hard time breaking through.

I suggest manual tugging (no devices needed) and maybe you could integrate it into foreplay, and she could help you, not even realizing it. While this is happening, you could continue a gentle educational campaign. Maybe she'll come around.

Best wishes.

[peterpink]

If you need to educate her, I will supply you with a powerpoint that covers the reasons for restoration. Let me have an email address. If she watched that, it would also educate her on the damage of circumcision. She should also watch the CUT film. Ask if you want more educational suggestions. Best wishes.

[greg_b]

Only you can figure out the best way to bring this up. The fact that she has strong opinions on the matter does not mean she is right. Her argument, as you have laid it out, is that of personal taste. She doesn't like foreskin. OK, but your body is not hers, nor is a child's body hers. Some people don't like blonds. Some don't like fat people. Some don't like hairy people. Some don't like to go down on a woman. Shrug.

If it were me, I would not blurt out that I am restoring immediately. First I would lay out some ground work. Some thing like, "Remember when we were talking the other night with so and so? Well I feel pretty strongly that circumcision of infants is wrong for a number of reasons, particularly the loss of sexual function and feeling. So it was hard for me to hear your comments."

Then see how she reacts to that. Discuss as necessary. When you BOTH have Had a chance to say what you feel and both have listened to the other, then you could, if you are comfortable at that point, say something like, "Well I understand better how you feel and why, but for me it is clear that I want to try and restore my foreskin. I have read about it and think it is worth at least testing the waters. I am happy to show you the sites I have been reading if it will help you understand, but I need to do this for me."

But I have no feel for the context, for your relationship, etc. So do not use this as a script for you to say, rather use it to ponder your own way to do it.

Most importantly, make her feel safe to say what she feels. Listen to her thoughtfully. Recognize that although her logic and feelings maybe faulty and abhorrent, she is doing what she thinks is best for the both of you. Let her know this is something you feel strongly about. Assure her you will not damage your equipment.

Regards

[AC_Tech85]

For the record, I am vehemently opposed to the circumcision of minors unless medically warranted.

To state that we are not damaging our equipment is false. An intended consequence of restoration is to damage our penises. To restore, one must damage the tissue just enough to trigger mitosis to grow skin cells.

To say we are re-mutilating our penises is a stretch, I will concede.

Per Merriam-Webster: mutilate:

1: to cut up or alter radically so as to make imperfect <the child mutilated the book with his scissors>

2: to cut off or permanently destroy a limb or essential part of

Defining imperfect is semantics. To state that 200 million American men are imperfect because they were circumcised at birth is delusional. The state of perfection is subjective. Pro-circers would argue that circumcision makes one perfect or more perfect.

Also, to say that the foreskin is an essential part of the penis is subjective. Objectively, cirucmcision as a whole has not hindered in reproductive and excretory systems. Circumcised men still urinate and have sex resulting in successful pregnancies.

Thus, circumcision can classify as mutilation if complications occur. Meatal stenosis, strained or painful erections, and inability to reach orgasm are all indicative that a mutilation has occurred.

[admin]

To restore, one must damage the tissue just enough to trigger mitosis to grow skin cells.

I strongly disagree. Tensile tissue expansion does not involve damage.

[admin]

Circumcised men still urinate and have sex resulting in successful pregnancies.

Thus, circumcision can classify as mutilation if complications occur.

I disagree. Drastically altering the function of something is also evidence that mutilation has occured.

You include urination and insemination as the functions of the penis. (I include giving and receiving a full measure of pleasure).

What if I decided that grasping, lifting, and placing things was the function of your hand, and then I chopped off your pinky? Have I mutilated you? I guess not; you're still grasping and lifting like a champ. But I have deprived you of a normal appearance. LOOKING LIKE a hand is one the functions of a hand.

Only you can morally decide which of the normal natural features of your healthy hand you don't need.

LOOKING LIKE and acting like a normal penis are among the functions of my penis that were mutilated out of it.

[admin]

I always say suit the message to the audience. I'm an atheist but I'll quote the Qur'an or the new testament if it might resonate with the listener.

She doesn't like foreskin.

He's in luck. He can tell her - there is no way to re-grow a foreskin that has been amputated. He's merely lengthening all his surviving skin so he'll get more enjoyement out of sex and have a more normal appearance.

That's not really how I view it, but like I say an irrational audience sometimes warrants a certain spin.

[greg_b]

I always say suit the message to the audience...


He's in luck. He can tell her - there is no way to re-grow a foreskin that has been amputated. He's merely lengthening all his surviving skin so he'll get more enjoyement out of sex and have a more normal appearance.

That's not really how I view it, but like I say an irrational audience sometimes warrants a certain spin.

Not a bad way to spin it, especially to make her think a bit.

Regards

[JimOZ6]

If you need to educate her, I will supply you with a powerpoint that covers the reasons for restoration. Let me have an email address. If she watched that, it would also educate her on the damage of circumcision. She should also watch the CUT film. Ask if you want more educational suggestions. Best wishes.

Peter, you reminded me of something I've wanted to ask Ron. I was unable to get to any of the showings of the CUT film. On internet? Else, how might I get a copy?

Jim

[peterpink]

Peter, you reminded me of something I've wanted to ask Ron. I was unable to get to any of the showings of the CUT film. On internet? Else, how might I get a copy?

Jim

The information is on this site: http://www.cutthefilm.com/Cut_Website/Home.html

There is a short trailer and you can buy the film. The podcasts are well worth listening to.

[AC_Tech85]

I disagree. Drastically altering the function of something is also evidence that mutilation has occured.

You include urination and insemination as the functions of the penis. (I include giving and receiving a full measure of pleasure).

What if I decided that grasping, lifting, and placing things was the function of your hand, and then I chopped off your pinky? Have I mutilated you? I guess not; you're still grasping and lifting like a champ. But I have deprived you of a normal appearance. LOOKING LIKE a hand is one the functions of a hand.

Only you can morally decide which of the normal natural features of your healthy hand you don't need.

LOOKING LIKE and acting like a normal penis are among the functions of my penis that were mutilated out of it.

I was just playing devil's advocate, I wholeheartedly agree with you. In rethinking about it, I forgot that the head of the penis is an internal part. What with circumcision making the glans penis an external organ, I would classify that as a radical change. Then one needs to include the gliding action that is lost. A foreskin is essential for the gliding action.

Thus, circumcision in most cases is mutilation. A very loose cut may still not expose the glans or remove the gliding function.

[Going Hooded]

My thoughts for you are to use "I" statements. This way you aren't putting your wife on the defensive, but instead talking about yourself.

You could speak about the increased pleasure of the glans when they are protected.

You could proactively tell your wife you will clean yourself.

If your penis pains you from having an erection due to the lack of skin you may talk about this.

You could invite her to come on here for a discussion.

Hope these help you.

We invited a couple over last weekend, a friend of my wives. Somehow the discussion of circumcision came up. My personality is such that I'm unwilling to merely accept the cultural norm, and I've always had an interest in this concept of circumcision.

The couple that we invited over doesn't accept cultural norms, and I've recently been researching the topic of circumcision. I've decided to start the restoration process and have been manually tugging and using the trombone mouthpiece technique some, but not consistently.. During dinner, the conversation somehow came up. My wife hasn't bothered to censor her strong viewpoint that circumcision is always the way to go. The couple brought up several things regarding the topic that I agreed with and had been researching.

My wife was the only pro circumcision advocate at the table. Also, she is Jewish and has that heritage, but it's just simply a heritage and not necessarily a religious conviction. She very strongly voiced her opinion that being uncircumcised was ugly and looked like an alien. She's also a nurse, so she has to go through the, what I can imagine to be, gross routine of cleaning uncircumcised men's penises.

We haven't really discussed this topic, other than me saying in the conversation with the couple that I sided on that of not circumcising your children, for the express reason that I'm not convinced parents have the right to decide something like that. I didn't mention that maybe the entire concept of circumcision should be re-examined, given the evolution of anti biotics, and the Biblical principal being outdated due to the progression of science. All of this even neglecting the personal reasons for my interest in restoring.

Without even getting into those issues of personal preference, how can I bring this up with my wife? This is a highly controversial topic, and, her being a nurse, this is a topic that she has expressed strong opinions of. I don't think she even knows what foreskin restoration is.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, I feel that I'm totally alone in this endeavor. Sorry for any typos - I'm a bit annebriated!

[asdfjklmeh1]

This is a highly controversial topic, and, her being a nurse, this is a topic that she has expressed strong opinions of. I don't think she even knows what foreskin restoration is.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, I feel that I'm totally alone in this endeavor. Sorry for any typos - I'm a bit annebriated!

She's medical professional, eh?

In that case, be sure to point out the following things about penises:

Circumcised penises often keratinize around the glans, and make sex more difficult in nature for the female when menopause occurs, due to vaginal drying.

Circumcision is not a vaccine. More circumcised men in the US have HIV than intact men.

In Europe, rates of cervical cancer are very low, and they are more than 90% intact.

Circumcision removes valuable and irreplaceable neurological tissue.

The foreskin is actually very antimicrobial in nature. In the inner foreskin there are stationary T cells (dendritic) that are trained and ready to kill any pathogen that they can.

Ask her why you should have to even justify that circumcision is bad when the same procedure is done to baby girls in the same names of religion, hygiene, disease prevention, chastity even, and we abhor one so much that it is outlawed, but not the other. Both will permanently alter sex for the recipient.

If she throws you any jaded medical bullcrap, we can refute it in her terms--ask, we'll help formulate very effective arguments, I'm sure--although it should by all means unnecessary for you to do so because it is YOUR body, not hers.

[EliteDoomer]

to your question, you could always get cut again, if it doesn't work out for the better.

NO! LOL

He could always divorce her in a worst case scenario, not face further trauma, damage and desensitization. We own our bodies, those worthy of love will love us for being who we are.

She sounds like she cares about science and knowledge, she likely simply needs to be exposed to the brutal facts so often hidden.

Autonomy for all.

[jeff71913]

I don't understand why a man would have to ask his wife what he can and can't do regarding "his" penis? I seriously doubt that a women would ask her husband for permission in such a case. Personally, I would do as I please with my penis, but this may be why I'm single. If it is, then I would rather remain single. If this was my wife and she was a victim of genital cutting I would certainly respect her feelings. Oh, I forgot, you are a man and you are not suppose to have feelings. Now, take out the trash, mow the lawn and get over it! lol

[SteveKnees]

I don't understand why a man would have to ask his wife what he can and can't do regarding "his" penis? I seriously doubt that a women would ask her husband for permission in such a case. Personally, I would do as I please with my penis.

I'm 58 now, but when I was 45 I was experiencing a lack of sensitivity in my penis. It greatly affected the sex of my wife and myself. We had talked about this. I told her that it felt somewhat like I might as well be using my thumb to make love to her. One night I just told her, out of the blue, that we needed to talk about it. I was reading about foreskin restoration on the internet. I had already been doing some manual tugging, but wanted to clear the way for some really bizarre changes in my daily routine.

Sherrie was really cool about it. She didn't question why I need an extra 15 minutes in the bathroom to erect myself and tape up before work. She understood that the cup in the guest bathroom was to soak the tape off with warm water. She even kept finding things around the house, like an orange juice carton pull-top on the kitchen sink, or a garden hose washer. She would just put these unexplained pieces of trash aside and tell me that she didn't want to throw them away, they might be part of my restoration project. Gotta love a woman like that! Oh, hell, I had tons of paraphernalia around the house...tubes, canisters, clips, elastic, rings ,fimo, lead weights, tapes of all sorts. It's really unbelievable how much stuff you can accumulate when you're experimenting...

If you have been married to the woman you love for many years, I think it's OK to hit her with the statement: I want my foreskin back. She'll understand.

[pickyreader]

So, how did it go?

Here is my advice for anyone in the future with the same problem:

Just tell her how you feel.
Seriously - don't get in an argument - you'll just find it disheartening.

Your feelings are incontrovertible, so stick to those.

Simply tell her you feel hurt or violated or mutilated. Tell her you feel like something is missing. Tell her that that you feel like you need her empathy and support. Ask her to imagine how she would feel if someone had cut off her clitoris. If she objects, tell her that the foreskin is the most sensitive part of the penis, just as the clitoris is the most sensitive part of the vulva - and ask her to just imagine and tell you how she would feel. Make the conversation about your feelings rather than about circumcision. Even if circ was a valid practice, you would still be entitled to your feelings. Tell her how often and how strongly you feel that way. Tell her the most upsetting time that you have felt that way. Don't be drawn into discussion of other related topics - just remind her that you are sharing your feelings with her, and you need her support.

After she is able to integrate your feelings, tell her that you feel like you need to do something about it.

If for some reason she is unable to be supportive and acknowledge your feelings, try talking about that. Ask her why she thinks she is unable to be empathic about this subject. Has she been traumatized by seeing MGM firsthand? She might require professional help to deal with that.

Best of luck, mate.
Let us know how it goes.

[Bobc4383]

I have not told the wife yet - no good reason really - but since she is close to 65 and has put on weight and gravity effects over time since we got married 12 years ago, I thought about asking if she had the chance, would she like the boobs she had in college (perky)? Trying to put it in her perspective might work. I think I would not like to hear 'why would you want to do that?' as her first reaction.

Bob

[Going Hooded]

I have not told the wife yet - no good reason really - but since she is close to 65 and has put on weight and gravity effects over time since we got married 12 years ago, I thought about asking if she had the chance, would she like the boobs she had in college (perky)? Trying to put it in her perspective might work. I think I would not like to hear 'why would you want to do that?' as her first reaction.

Bob

My encouragement to you is the use of "I" statements. Then you aren't placing your wife in a position of being on the defensive, but instead are expressing yourself.

After a few months of restoring the glans become shiny. The callus from rubbing against underwear / boxers comes off because of being in an enclosed environment (as intended). You could photograph your glans now and then in a few months time show her the shine and at that time explain the increase in pleasure you experience.

[fotoshopmylife]

I am not married, but here's how I take things... You should just be honest with her. Tell her about what circumcision does to a man, and why you feel it's important to you. Remind her "my body, my choice." (even though you didn't initially have a choice). When she married you, she hopefully took you as a whole and not just one aspect of you. Whether she agrees or disagrees, it is your choice and it is something you want to do for yourself. As your wife, she should respect you enough to accept your decision to restore.

As for the "jewish heritage" aspect of things...you should get one of the many papers/articles written about how modern-day circumcision is not biblical circumcision and that the aim of modern circumcision rose from the attempt to dampen sexual pleasure (and stop masturbation) whereas, biblical circumcision removed, at best, overhang, and that only the minimal amount of skin was removed. I think it's also worth nothing that a LOT of the most important jews in the old testament were uncut...

http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/christian.html

[Bobc4383]

Good observation - thanks.

Bob