Someone open a window, 'cause I need to VENT!

[ilikeu1]

Howdy everyone,

This is my first post here. I just really need to vent right now, and get some reactions onto paper. I'm 23 years old, and I've been bothered by the fact that I was circumcised (at birth) for about two or three years now.

I wish I could go back to not knowing what uncut is; orgasms still feel good and if I never knew what I was missing then I would be content with what I have. But to know that I could've had a fully functional intact penis if my parents hadn't let the doctor cut off my foreskin makes it all the more painful to deal with.

Looking at my penis makes me depressed because I see my dried out, desensitized head and think about what could have been. I'm woefully aware of my circumcision every time I masturbate. It's a feeling I just can't shake. Even just going about my day, every time the head of my penis brushes uncomfortably against my boxers (which is often), it's just another reminder of what I don't have, and it makes me sad and angry. I imagine how amazing it must be to have a snug layer of skin protecting the head at all times, keeping it moist, shiny, and sensitive. It makes me jealous and depressed.

It's just frustrating to know that my parents made this decision for me and there's nothing I can do to change it. Restoration.. god what a sad thought. Having a device pull at your penis for 6-10 hours a day, every fucking day for multiple years?? Are you fucking kidding me? And after all that, you still can never replace the most sensitive foreskin nerve endings or the frenulum? Fuck, I just don't have it in me. Maybe some day, but I can't fit that into my life right now. I'm holding out hope that some day soon modern medicine will be able to regrow human foreskins, because the thought of not having that hope scares me. It's like, on top all the other reasons I hate my life, my penis has been disfigured. My ability to orgasm -- one of the most primal, animalistic, life-affirming experiences of mortality -- has been nerfed. I will never know the full pleasure of a sexual experience, and there's nothing I can do about it. That's just the way it is and the way it is going to be for the rest of my life.

[admin]

nothing I can do to change it. Restoration.. god what a sad thought. Having a device pull at your penis for 6-10 hours a day, every fucking day for multiple years?? Are you fucking kidding me?

And after all that, you still can never replace the most sensitive foreskin nerve endings or the frenulum? Fuck, I just don't have it in me. Maybe some day, but I can't fit that into my life right now.

I'm holding out hope that some day soon modern medicine will be able to regrow human foreskins, because the thought of not having that hope scares me. It's like, on top all the other reasons I hate my life, my penis has been disfigured. My ability to orgasm -- one of the most primal, animalistic, life-affirming experiences of mortality -- has been nerfed.

I will never know the full pleasure of a sexual experience, and there's nothing I can do about it. That's just the way it is and the way it is going to be for the rest of my life.
.

Sorry you were cut. Thanks for sharing. It's appropriate to grieve a loss but it's also healthy to do what you can to undo the damage.

Yes it's disgusting that we have to put in years to partially undo some of the sexual damage that was done so flippantly, but restoring doesn't "consume" 6 - 10 hours per day. You can apply a device and let the clock and calendar do the work.

Wearing just a comfortable discreet retaining cone http://TLCTugger.com/YSC-instructions.htm will even give you noticeable improvements in a matter of weeks, for roughly zero time investment. If you aren't eager to tug right now you could be a valuable test case for whether retaining by itself causes any appreciable skin expansion. Just be sure to carefully measure your FEC http://www.foreskin-restoration.net/forum/showpost.php?p=13490&postcount=1 before you start.

Good Luck,
-Ron Low
http://TLCTugger.com

[Purist]

Wow, thank you. This is exactly what's been the most difficult thing for me as well- the psychological pain of constantly being confronted with an inescapable reality, and not being able to go back to one's former unknowing state.

But thank you for putting your thoughts on paper and expressing it in a way that I couldn't have. Expressing it as you have is what it will take to end this madness, because in the end the personal experience you've related trumps ANY of the bullshit that pro-circs try to put out there.

I'm a relative beginner to restoring so maybe my perspective might help.

When I first learned about it a few years ago I thought there was no way in hell I could ever see myself doing it. I mean, literally, NO. FKKIN. WAY. IN. HELL.

I haven't been restoring for all that long, but now I can't see myself not doing it. Once I got over the initial resistance of getting started and experimented a little, it turned out the resistance was mostly in my mind. It's not that much of a hassle, and I've developed a feeling of getting hooked on it which overrides the inconvenience.

There's something about coaxing my remnant over my glans that makes me want to keep going, and I wouldn't have known about this experience if I hadn't started

As for inconvenience, it's not even noticeable (not that I'm aware of) that I'm taped and wearing a tugging strap under form-fitting jeans, which was a big concern since I like to be somewhat fashionable. And I've hit on plenty of girls since getting started. The first few times definitely felt a little strange, but lately I'll be in social situations and totally forget for long periods I'm even tugging.

And I've found tugging helps a LOT with the psychological pain you're talking about. I'm not exactly sure why it helps so much, but it does- and this is something I could not have imagined before I started.

[ilikeu1]

Ron,

Thanks for the suggestion. I've thought about getting the cone. I've also thought about getting the TLC-X because it doesn't require a strap.

restoring doesn't "consume" 6 - 10 hours per day. You can apply a device and let the clock and calendar do the work.

This is a good point, and I think approaching it with this mindset does make the restoration process a less daunting mountain to climb, although it doesn't change the reality of the situation.

Purist,

Thanks for sharing your perspective. It is definitely encouraging to hear your experience thus far, because it seems like you're coming from a similar place as me and you make it sound not so bad.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and what is your job? Also, what device do you use and what is your routine/program?

A big part of my hesitancy to restore is not only the time aspect, but that I would need to get used to wearing this device in public, while interacting with friends at work, in social situations. I'd be nervous about it falling off all the time. And what about using the bathroom? The urinals where I work don't offer much privacy. Would I have to pee in a stall every time if I don't want anyone to see my ridiculous-looking penis contraption? Is spontaneous physical activity just out of the question? It seems like tugging must become such a huge part of your life, because you really can't half-ass it and get results.

To be honest I'm still a bit skeptical. I don't mean any disrespect to anyone on this site, but I have not seen any before and after pictures of successfully restored foreskins from people who weren't selling something.

Despite all my reservations, I would still like to give it a try. I don't know if I will. It's easy to make excuses about why now is not a good time to start. And Purist, I want to reiterate my thanks for your post because it is truly encouraging.

[Purist]

Hey, I'm glad to help out.

Damn, I didn't realize this would be an epic post. Hope it's useful.

This is the method z726 from here recommended to me. Making a t-tape the first time can be intimidating, but this by contrast is VERY simple. I think of it as a "for dummies" taping method. And you'll notice he demonstrates it mostly in pictures :)

http://www.restoringforeskin.org/blog/2009/08/quick-t-tape-method

(I think you have to register as a member on that site to view it).

I really like this method because because my mutilation is very uneven, and I can apply the tape strips at the point of equilibrium the whole way around.

(I made a few minor, but very effective modifications. So if you try this let me know so I can give you those tips. For example, for the bands of tape that go around the entire circumference I found a brand of foam tape that can expand to accomodate a partial erection. So, I actually employ two separate types of type, whereas he only uses the one).

Anyway, a picture is worth a thousand words, so I took a few tonight

Image013.jpg and Image014.jpg - I'm all taped and ready to go. I can get this done in under 15 minutes. But I'm a slow poke. I'm sure it can be done faster.

Image010.jpg shows how I tug down my leg. It's just a suspender strap I got from a thrift store for about $4.00. Tugging down the leg like this looks like a pain, but it's actually the best way I've found to maintain evenness of tension during most physical activities.

Image0090.jpg another view of how I configure my tugging strap

Image019.jpg Tugging while wearing pair of slim-fitting jeans (H&M, my favorite :) )

Image00900.jpg All I have to do to pee is unclip the strap, separate the tabs, and I'm ready to go. You can see the suspender clip held in place by my boxer briefs ready to be re-attached. Convenience in peeing is something I was very concerned about. And if some guy in the adjacent urinal looks over and sees tape on my dick, I figure that's his problem. Why was he looking at my dick anyway. :p

By the way, if you're still hesitant about wearing a tugging strap, I think this method can be used just to retain by applying the tape and fastening the ends closed (like I do in 014.jpg). This will keep your foreskin over your glans and keep the glans protected from clothing.

I'm 46. I found out what a foreskin was and what I was missing in August, 2008 when I was 43. It's been nagging me ever since and I can relate 100% to everything you said.

I'm in an office 2nd shift, so I'll apply around 3:00 or so and tug until around midnight, maybe even til 2:00 am. Sometimes the tape comes loose and I just re-apply. I feel I could get by with less tugging time, but I'm aiming for 12 hours per day.

I'm also a free-lance musician and tugging doesn't get in the way of any of that. Right before I took those pictures I worked out strapped and tugging the whole time. The only exericise I need to remove the strap for is kettle bell swings.

The tape I use for the strips is 3M Micropore which comes off very easily when it's wet. Masturbation is no problem. I even like the sticky residue cause it helps me get a better grip.

I've seen lots of posts on here asking, "how do I tell my girlfriend/wife" etc. I think this is a bullshit, weak way of going about it. My theory is that if you feel comfortable with tugging, women won't care, and it might even pique their curiosity if they knew. So one of my goals is to go on dates tugging, and report back here the results. My hypothesis is that it won't interfere with anything.

And I also hope to accomplish another goal this way: any woman I'm with needs to know my view on this because if she's going to get pleasure from me, then I refuse to be a walking advertisement for genital mutilation.

Like I said before, I'm totally comfortable now in social situations. But as for what to do if someone were to notice and I felt the need to explain myself, I may not be the best person to ask. I'm defiant. I don't give a shit who knows. In fact, I'm hoping my strap comes undone around others so the subject will be brought up, and I can make my views known.

How fucked up is it that I didn't know what a foreskin was until 43. I had always heard it was a "flap" of skin. The mental image I held all those years was that of some unnecessary loose piece of skin hanging off the shaft. Like a hangnail, or something, needing to be cut off. So this societal taboo about keeping this topic hush hush really pisses me off.

The only time I would not want someone to know about my restoring is if I deemed the person in question might feel internally threatened by the topic of circumcision, and I would risk alienating them by becoming the object of their misplaced subconscious anxiety AND I was dependent on that person for something. This might be a boss or client. Anyone else is gettin' and earful if the topic ever comes up ;)

Hope that helped, and don't hesitate to ask me anything about my experience.

[Purist]

This is really cool, I had to post this.

I just finished tugging about 10 hours. The tape adhesive finally gave out and slipped off...leaving my foreskin inner skin remnant hugging my glans :D It's being held in place by adhesive residue, but I think it still looks really cool. Trust me, I'm a CI-1, I'm tight as a drum when hard.

This only started happening recently but I started restoring not that long ago- only about a month and a half. If this can happen this early into restoring, it motivates me to want to keep going the distance.

[ilikeu1]

Thanks for the detailed write-up, Purist. I think reading accounts like yours from people just starting out can be very helpful in nudging people like myself, who are on the fence about starting, to take to the plunge.

I had been intent on purchasing a bi-directional device (TLC-X, DTR, or CAT II), but now I am reconsidering a taping method. What appeals to me about the taping method is that it looks far less bulky and cumbersome than a bi-directional device, which is great in general and especially for going to the bathroom. But an apparent downside is that it seems like you have less control over the tension level with taping (or with any pure tugging method) than you would have with a bi-directional device. Also, it seems that in the long run taping could wind up being more expensive because you need to continually buy new tape, whereas a device you only buy once (I guess it depends how frequently you need to buy new tape).

I'm curious, what made you choose a taping method over a tapeless tugger like the TLC, or a bi-directional device like the TLC-X, DTR, or CAT II? And congratulations on your progress benchmark!

I had always heard it was a "flap" of skin. The mental image I held all those years was that of some unnecessary loose piece of skin hanging off the shaft. Like a hangnail, or something, needing to be cut off.
I think this is the perception most circumcised men have. I've heard foreskin be compared to the appendix; a vestige of the neanderthal era, superfluous for modern man. And this attitude -- which I believe stems more from genuine ignorance than a refusal to face the facts -- is what has allowed circumcision to persist and thrive for so long in a country as highly developed as the US. I like to think that if my dad had felt any bitterness or anger over his own circumcision (actually I don't know for sure if he is circumcised, but I think he is), he never would have allowed it to happen to me.

[z726]

Nah, the claim that a foreskin might be vestigal is just another weak argument made in self-justification by circumcised men - though this one's so ridiculous, to use it they'd have to know that other excuses for circumcision don't hold water.

With taping, you actually have better control over the amount of tension. You can place the tapes as close to or far from the glans as necessary to balance the tension between inner and outer skin , and adjusting the amount is as simple as pulling more or less on the elastic strap.

Purist, that's great that you're already seeing some temporary coverage. Early on when I was taping, I found that sometimes the tape would pull off but the adhesive residue would help the skin stick to the glans for a while.

[Purist]

I'm curious, what made you choose a taping method over a tapeless tugger like the TLC, or a bi-directional device like the TLC-X, DTR, or CAT II?

Well, I do intend to go tapeless, likely the TLC-x , I'm just not sure if I have quite enough slack yet. But taping will certainly have been worth it because without it I would not have fully appreciated the convenience of tapeless.

Another point that might be useful is that this didn't come to me all at once. You're seeing the end result of overcoming my mental hurdles, but it came to me in baby steps.

T-tape instructions baffled me. I was like, what the hell are they doing? But one day out of curiosity I just put ONE piece of Scotch tape on my dick not knowing what to expect. That's it, just one piece. I was very surprised how easily shaft skin could be pulled forward from just a little tension.

Then I added one more piece forming a very crude T-strip, and pulled forward from the scar. Actually seeing this was a real "ah hahh" moment for me. (And this was just with Scotch tape on my desk. You'd never want to use this for restoring, Lmao). I even tried hanging a bottle of water off it, which came undone pretty soon.

I put restoring on the back burner for two years, but the experimenting planted the seed in my mind.

The need to restore kept nagging at me, until recently I said to myself, fuck it, I'm gonna sit down and really figure this out.

I came up with a crude method based off a video I had seen, (I can't find that video now), but my skin reacted badly and I asked about it here. Z explained why and recommended that method I linked above, and that's the one I've settled on.

So I guess my message is, don't worry about an outcome-- just put a piece of tape on your dick and see how far it can take you! :)

[Purist]

Purist, that's great that you're already seeing some temporary coverage. Early on when I was taping, I found that sometimes the tape would pull off but the adhesive residue would help the skin stick to the glans for a while.

Hey, thanks for checking in!

Just wondering-- can you tell if it seems like I might have enough slack for one of Ron's tapless tuggers?

[z726]

Hey, thanks for checking in!

Just wondering-- can you tell if it seems like I might have enough slack for one of Ron's tapless tuggers?

If you can already force it to half coverage while flaccid, then that's probably enough. Ron could tell you for sure. Just try and imagine whether you'd be able to roll the skin part of the way over an inner TLC cone placed on the glans.

[ilikeu1]

Another point that might be useful is that this didn't come to me all at once. You're seeing the end result of overcoming my mental hurdles, but it came to me in baby steps. [...]

I put restoring on the back burner for two years, but the experimenting planted the seed in my mind.

The need to restore kept nagging at me, until recently I said to myself, fuck it, I'm gonna sit down and really figure this out.

Yeah, I feel like I'm at that point now. I found out about restoring over a year ago and wanted to do it, but it just seemed too overwhelming. But lately it's been bugging me to death, to the point where I have to do something.

I think I will order a DTR tonight. I don't even know if I have enough skin to wear one, but if it doesn't fit yet then at least I will have extra motivation to begin a taping regimen until I can use the DTR.

But one day out of curiosity I just put ONE piece of Scotch tape on my dick not knowing what to expect. That's it, just one piece.

Heh, this part made me chuckle :D

[EliteDoomer]

Greetings,

I can relate to you exactly. I know what it is like to dislike what I see of my penis, to dislike what I feel knowing full well what was I deserved to feel even if I never can feel such fully.

I know what it is like to feel irritation from an exposed glans. Such was felt every step for 25 years through the worst times to the best. When my parents took me to Cedar Point in Sandusky Ohio, I experienced the great thrills of technology but even in that heaven of the modern age I felt the top ridge of my glans rubbing against my boxers as I walked from ride to ride.

I see that you are new here and I can tell you brother that tissue expansion techniques have greatly improved the quality of my life.

I suggest with a whole heart that you begin your transformation today. Get yourself some medical tape and cover that which has been exposed for far too long. In a couple of months of effort you can upgrade to a TLC tugger. Throw in some manual attention a minimum of once a day and you will feel infinitely better in a matter of weeks.

I wish for you the best. We both were dealt a shitty hand but it is how we play it that counts.

You have come to the right place.

---ED