Advice for presently Intactivist parents who once circumcised

[asdfjklmeh1]

I have an acquaintance who is dealing with concerns for his own son, and he is worried on how to handle this.

For those of you who are intactivists now, but circumcised before reaching your revelation about genital cutting, how did you handle this situation with your son?

Or rather, how does one apologize for this? Do you do it early on in childhood? When your son reaches age of majority? Not at all unless it comes up? Should this parent write a future letter to his or her son? Would it be better to apologize unasked, or wait and see if it becomes a point of tension?

Have you ever dealt this before? Please, describe.

[photenman]

Originally Posted by asdfjklmeh1

For those of you who are intactivists now, but circumcised before reaching your revelation about genital cutting, how did you handle this situation with your son? ... Or rather, how does one apologize for this? Do you do it early on in childhood? When your son reaches age of majority? Not at all unless it comes up? Should this parent write a future letter to his or her son? Would it be better to apologize unasked, or wait and see if it becomes a point of tension?

I have not dealt with this before, so others might answer better. But I think best to tell one's son in person when he's about at the age of puberty. Because by then he can think for himself and is on the verge of adulthood, about to have sexual feelings. I remember my glans hurt from rubbing on clothing and did not understand that. Also it's about then that one should have "the talk" anyway. So you/he could combine it with the talk about the how sex works. I'd definitely do it face to face as part of an important meeting, so you test understanding, respond, etc.

I think it would be really unfair to circumcise one's son, wish one hadn't, know that restoration is possible, but say nothing about it. 100 million plus parents made the same mistake.

I look forward to reading more informed replies.

[Not-B-Angry]

My close friend is an intactivist and an exceptionally skilled parent....I was with her during her "awakening" on the issue of circumcision and she said it was the "worst mistake" she had made in her parenting. Her son was in high school at the time. She talked to him about it at that time and told him what she had learned and how she felt and how she regretted her misinformed decision to circumcise. I remembe3r that he wrote a high school paper on the subject of infant circumcision and that the U.S. was the only country that did it. It was a point of closeness for them...honesty and sincerity.

Sadly it didn't make him the intactivist I thought he was. He is now the father of a beautiful, but circumcised toddler. Oh! Well...I think his inlaws were adamant circumfetishists and let his wife decide. He's a pretty easy going guy and a great dad...except for that.....

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by photenman

But I think best to tell one's son in person when he's about at the age of puberty. Because by then he can think for himself and is on the verge of adulthood, about to have sexual feelings.

I had sexual feelings when I was 5, and that's quite normal.

I am NOT a parent, but...
If it were me, I may even be inclined to "brainwash" my son if he was pre-puberty, to do certain things for "health reasons" and have him know he *does* have a foreskin. (Ive spent most of my adult life having no idea that my foreskin can be stretched and grown to make it look normal again) I know it's a tricky one, but it may be possible to get him restoring without harming him, after all, the quicker a child can restore, surely the better. I always found it psychologically distressing to see I had a "missing part", or that I had a "different type", and always felt the need to cover my privates in the school showers as all other boys were intact. If at the time, I believed I was actually intact, but just had a very short foreskin, it may have been easier to live with. It would encourage him to work on that "short foreskin", and a good time would be when he starts school. When he's older, the truth would hurt less.

But then again, Im mad, so dont listen to me

[Dasher]

Originally Posted by Jamie

If at the time, I believed I was actually intact, but just had a very short foreskin, it may have been easier to live with. It would encourage him to work on that "short foreskin", and a good time would be when he starts school. When he's older, the truth would hurt less.

I have an intact friend I went to school with who has a short foreskin; he is now working to lengthen his foreskin. He told me he was always jealous of the boys who had long foreskins -- there were a couple of them whose overhang must have been at least an inch long, maybe longer. He said he felt like he had been cheated, because he only had a short foreskin. I asked him what he thought about circumcision, and he was just baffled by it. He said he just didn't understand it. I asked him if he would ever get circumcised, and he gave me this look like I must be crazy to even ask a question like that.

[Appalled Observer]

Nothing wrong with short foreskins! *There are a lot of them about, and not everyone has an elephant trunk sitting in their pants!

BTW, *this being the case, I sincerely believe that a restorer can save themselves loads of time and heartache by restoring enough to do the job...without going the extra mile (inch?) to get the "trunk" that some seem to desperately crave. It'll still be just as functional, and just as intact looking--but quicker.

[I do however understand the common desire to get the long version...it says "Look--I've foiled you, what you cut off, I've got back--completely.]

[BTW2--it's quite possible that a trunk-tryer only had a shorter version in the first place...hmmmm?]