I wrote a letter to my parents.

[airpud]

(I posted twice by mistake. It wouldn't let me delete so I edited it.)

[airpud]

Originally Posted by Falkner09

I haven't sent it to them. I typed my feelings and my story out in a word file yesterday, thought it would make me feel a bit better to vent and organize my thoughts. It ended up 3 and a half pages.

I've been especially pained lately, unable to get my rage and depression off my mind. I plan to tell them next month, when I'm home for Spring Break. I can't take holding it in any more, I've felt this way since I was 12, 14 years ago. any pointers for when I finally go through with it? letter below, it's my whole story, circumcision wise.

My reaction to the earlier post about the powerful letter, as of his posting yet to be sent:

I love it (the long letter)! And don't feel bad for just a letter. What they did to you was a million times worse.

I know it's just words, but it's better than nothing. I'm loving it. Maybe think it over and keep it to the point maybe tone down the words a tad but SEND it to them. If you never send it, then we are only talking about the possibilty of saying something - and that is WAY too indirect. Confronting them is actually DOING something.

My doing consists of ballooning. Just started 10 days ago. Big gains.

It has two things going for it.

1. painless so it can be worn all day
2. it holds the skin stretched basically all day, walking or sitting, and this is where it is so effective I think. that and the fact that air tends to get everywhere, so it stretches more parts of the skin and mucosa. And the mucosa is real preputial tissue - I don't want to say "foreskin" because it has the word "skin" in it and mucosa isn't skin. Oh, and oxygen is brought directly to the skin too!

Funny how some blame the parents and some don't. It's hard to blame parents who might leave you something in their will. If they're poor, maybe tell them where to go?

Who's gonna risk their inheritance? If I was rich.... Yup, if I had "fuck off money"...

action trumps everything

[airpud]

Originally Posted by w.o.f.

Agree on all counts.

Also, I'll never understand why some people keep falsely labeling resentment as "anger", even when it's their own resentment. Anger and hatred are just superficial symptoms. Suppressing anger or hatred does not make the underlying resentment magically disappear, quite to the contrary. It'll keep festering until it once again finds its way to the surface.

And many people's unwillingness to hold their parents accountable for signing the form is also weird and very counterproductive. What ever happened to "what goes around comes around"? How are bad actions ever going to "come around" when the victims obstinately refuse the role of the messenger who has to actively bring it back around and provide some form of feedback to the perpetrators?

Karma works, but only if we accept and dutifully play our part in it.

Total agreement here.

<duh>
Guys, don't buy books at Barnes & Noble. Books are basically just full of lies. Um, and you're wasting your money. Who is publishing those books? Why are they publishing them? Um, maybe for money? "Don't get angry". "Anger is bad." These are total lies. UG Krishnamurti said something about anger (the natural lust for survival) being completely natural for the body. Does this anti-anger propaganda apply to humans only? Or maybe all animals? Trees also? So are you going to convince a wolf not to get angry when it's being attacked? Total poppycock, this witch-hunt against anger.
</duh>

[airpud]

I think circumcision has HUGE fallout but not many people are talking about it. It's the huge invisible elephant in the room that nobody is talking about.

Anyway, here are the facts about me:

(you can believe this stuff or not, and it makes no difference to me)

- I never bought into the 9-5 job slavery thing. Why? Circumcision. Yes, this is TRUE. If you can cut me, all bets are off - I'm not going to contribute to a country that allows this. I basically rejected it all. I haven't lived in "my" country for over twenty years. If you have something, somebody wants to steal it from you.

- I haven't spoken to "my" "mother" in about twenty years. Why? Circumcision. Yeah, you can say there were other things, but circ is by far the main reason. Guys who don't do this are in denial.

- I don't think about my "mother" very often. Once every two years maybe? Literally. At most!

- The thing I'm most proud of? Disowning/shunning her. It's the thing I'm most happy about. That sounds weird, but it just feels so right. "It's the right thing to do." I would do more, but it's illegal and I don't want to get caught. Um, and I'm a 15-hour flight away.

- Father. I wish a had tons of money, but I have to keep connected to him because of the will. But even he is "out". If I get married, it will be overseas, and he will never find out about it or see the children if any. This is partly to protect the children from the cycle of violence and hatred.

- 45 and single, no kids, never married. Why? Circ. Why should I "give"? I'm a taker now. Society stole from me, so I don't give anything to society, parents, etc.

A lot of the repercussions from circ are "silent". People don't talk about the repercussions, but they are there. And they are big.

[airpud]

(just in case anyone thinks circ is some kind of excuse for tuning out or for failure, i assure you it's not really that, but i did reject the society i came from and family)

[Falkner09]

Update:

still haven't talked to my parents, I'm now back at school away from them. I was in my home area for most of the summer, but I didnt visit or stay with them, even though they kept trying to get me to come over through voicemails and emails. It's been great to not be around them or talk to them. My suffering from being cut is still there, but at least im not exposed to the additional pain of being around my abusers.

A couple weeks ago, I was having an especially angry day, and decided to release by sending an email to my mom about how I was wishing she were in jail for what she did. she wrote back this:

OMG, Just wondering what the charges would be for my jail time. "Loving parents who followed the doctors order and cared for our newborn who we waited for 6 years and hospitalized 3 times to conceive." GUILTY - My punishment is THIS!!!!!!!!!!
You need to focus on the positive and what we have.

So that made me angry, since she's still got no valid defense, and just gives excuses and misses the point. nothing she said erases the pain I feel or continue to feel, nothing takes away all the times i've considered suicide. I started drafting a response. It's below, but It was never finished and hasn't been sent. I've realized something; no matter what i say or they say, nothing takes away my pain, and in fact just causes more from exposure to my abusers. SO I havent sent the draft, and dont plan to. no point.

well since you ask, here's some of the publications from members of an organization I plan to eventually work with:

http://arclaw.org/resources/articles

http://www.cirp.org/library/legal/boyle1/

http://www.noharmm.org/bonner.htm

AH yes, following the doctor's "order." Even though you already admitted that the doctor said to mutilate me because of his religion, and even though you already said you did this to me because "everyone else was doing it."

And of course. the old "it was really hard to have a baby" excuse. I'd love to see you attempt to come up with some reason why this justifies genital mutilation. I really would, but frankly, I don't want to speak with you. The bottom line is, you KNEW IT WASN'T YOUR BODY. YOU KNEW WHAT KIND OF RISK YOU WERE INFLICTING ON ANOTHER PERSON. BUT YOU FORCED THIS ON ME ANYWAY.

tell you what. you claim to be sorry occasionally, although you clearly don't have enough empathy or concern for the humanity and suffering of another to actually feel real guilt. But if you really want to make some attempt at reconciliation, put your money where your mouth should be.

http://www.foregen.org/

that organization is dedicated to using new regeneration technologies to fix this. like I said, I'm not the only one who's angry at the abuse inflicted on him by people who didn't think our bodies belong to us. Their first in vitro trial is this summer, results expected to be published by the fall, then a human trial next year. If you want to show you have some value as a human being left, then you'll do everything within your ability to make sure this happens, as fast and as best it can. could be a year, 5 years, doesn't matter. what you've done to me lasts a lifetime, so that's how long you're on the hook.

so, a few days ago my mom called (I didnt answer) and left a voicemail asking what time would be good for her to arrive, because she's getting a plane ticket to Charlotte, where I live. In a text, I told her I have school, and that I clearly dont want to see her anymore, which Is why I havent given her my new address (I have a new apartment, since my last lease ran out.) she texted back that she was no longer going to pay for anything, and dont ask for anything anymore. (which I never asked for anything since March when I confronted her, but she did send me money for school that I accepted.) Also, she told e to look at Joel Osteen's message for the day, which was something about how God solves our problems, blah blah blah. If that were true, we wouldn't be in this situation, and its one of many reasons I'm an atheist.

So anyway, i'm supposed to mail her the credit card back. I told her I'll drop it off next week when I visit home, while she isn't there of course. I'm not worried, i have enough to get by and handle my education, I'm prepared for this. so far, I feel pretty good. I am considering getting some counseling, might help me be more at peace now and in the future. that of course, depends on whether I will be kept on their insurance. But one thing's for sure, breaking it off with them is a BIG improvement.

[MisterPig]

Sounds like you're going through a lot, so getting counseling from a professional is probably one of the best things you could do in my opinion. Even if you aren't on the insurances, there are still options out there.

Good luck.

[peterpink]

Sounds as though she is stuck in denial. It is hard ti understand how a mother lacks so much feeling for her son.
If she is into gods and magical stuff, you should ask her why her god does not heal amputees. (Religious people cannot answer that question.) She could pray for you to be made whole - if that happened it would be a miracle. It sounds as though you are becoming more positive. I wish you well.

[NoNipTip]

Hello I am new here and just want to say that thoes who hate their parents I think shouldn't. Yes maybe they didn't help and research more before they consented to cutting us, but most of our parents love us. I have times when I don't want to be around them when I feel discomfort from being circ'd. But in all parents defense our medical society is devious and greedy and very cleaver. They have been in the cutting business for a long time and have gotten very well at it. I don't think its worth deserting your family if you have a good relationship with them. When I feel bad at times and I think all these mean thoughts and curse the gods, sure enough I see something on tv or in real life someone who has it worse than me. I can't deny that I feel differently about my folks but I try to be the better person and move on. Living angry and depressed will kill us all.

I believe that Foregen will achieve what we all are looking to gain back. Until then Restoring is our only back up and considering how long it takes you might as well get started. This cycle of circumcision must be broken. I notice when I search with google it finishes the phrase or word and I know for a fact they watch the latest most popular trends and hopefully word of mouth will travel. With how many of us around the world (especially USA) are cut there is tons of $$$ to be made from regeneration. I only hope that people who can afford to donate money will like celebs and other rich men who want their bodies back. To me its not only about the sex its also for protection and feeling comfortable and more outgoing instead of depressed and anti-social.

[airpud]

Originally Posted by NoNipTip

Hello I am new here and just want to say that thoes who hate their parents I think shouldn't. Yes maybe they didn't help and research more before they consented to cutting us, but most of our parents love us. I have times when I don't want to be around them when I feel discomfort from being circ'd. But in all parents defense our medical society is devious and greedy and very cleaver. They have been in the cutting business for a long time and have gotten very well at it. I don't think its worth deserting your family if you have a good relationship with them. When I feel bad at times and I think all these mean thoughts and curse the gods, sure enough I see something on tv or in real life someone who has it worse than me. I can't deny that I feel differently about my folks but I try to be the better person and move on. Living angry and depressed will kill us all.

I believe that Foregen will achieve what we all are looking to gain back. Until then Restoring is our only back up and considering how long it takes you might as well get started. This cycle of circumcision must be broken. I notice when I search with google it finishes the phrase or word and I know for a fact they watch the latest most popular trends and hopefully word of mouth will travel. With how many of us around the world (especially USA) are cut there is tons of $$$ to be made from regeneration. I only hope that people who can afford to donate money will like celebs and other rich men who want their bodies back. To me its not only about the sex its also for protection and feeling comfortable and more outgoing instead of depressed and anti-social.

I wish all the best for those who want to be on good terms with their circumcisers.