My son is circumcised and I hate it.

[1madmommy]

Hi everyone, I don't know if this is the proper place to put this or not.
I really need to vent; no one in my family cares.

I have an infant son and he is unfortunately circumcised. Every time I change his diaper, I get so upset and disgusted. I didn't want this for him and even told my doctor (who ended up performing his circumcision anyway) that it should be his choice. Even after telling them I didn't want him circumcised, the nurse got my consent when I was half asleep (she talked to me like the procedure had been done already so I stupidly signed) and his father had gone to get breakfast. I feel like such a terrible mother.

My partner keeps telling me it's okay, no serious harm was done (except now our son has meatal stenosis), and my mom is actually somewhat pro-circ. But I hate what was done to him and I hate that I allowed them to hurt him. I just feel so mad that this happened. I had never seen a circumcised baby, only intact ones. It just boils my blood to think that my son went through so much suffering so the doctor/hospital could make over $400. It's even more insulting that I told them it should be his choice and they took advantage of the fact that I was suffering from lack of sleep (due to the construction work being done 30 feet from my window, nurses coming in every two hours, and pain from the birth) and possible influence the pain meds had on me (I was a little loopy even a couple days after we left the hospital). I didn't realize I would have had to actually be really vigilant to have my child left whole.

I think the worst part about it is that I know he remembers it. He refused to look me in the eye for almost a month after it was done, and now sometimes he acts angrily and aggressively toward me. He also gets stressed very easily and gets agitated to the point of having coughing fits. I've never seen a baby act like that before. He adores his father though, who actually wanted to have him circumcised! I guess it's only fair though. I was the one he knew most, and I was the one they got to sign the paper.

When he gets older, I will beg for forgiveness and definitely tell him about foreskin restoration. Maybe (hopefully) regeneration will be an option for him by then. And if I am ever blessed with another child and it is a boy, I am putting signs all over the room and his bassinet saying "DON'T CIRCUMCISE" and "NO CIRC SOLICITATION".

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I really had to get that off my chest. I don't mind if any of you feel the urge to bash me. Nothing in the world could make me feel worse about this than I already do.

[asdfjklmeh1]

I'm so sorry that the nurses took advantage of you in that situation.

Have you considered contacting ARC Law group? The medical facility administered those forms to you while sleep deprived, under the influences of pain medication, and under false pretenses when that nurse misled you like that. Furthermore, the fact that you had made your wishes known so clearly earlier and the fact that they continued to solicit that unnecessary surgery afterwards is malicious, and harassment.

I don't know what state you are from, but I do know that in most states it is illegal for medical professionals to solicit unnecessary surgeries. Their repeat visits and even bringing in the form would legally count as such solicitation. Heck, it might even count as harassment. Winning a case could set a legal precedent to stop this solicitation and thereby protect children in the future.

Furthermore, the fact that your son suffered from a circumcision complication (meatal stenosis) puts more weight behind you if you decided to litigate.

I would say contact these people. Email them, send them your story, and see what they think. Ask them if they think that you have a case.

If you successfully litigate, your case could very well be the domino it takes to stop hospitals from soliciting this at the harassing levels that they already do, prevent harm to children, and protect weary families from such medical harassment.

Legality aside, I recommend checking out this form and having it ready if you have another son.

http://www.noharmm.org/Noncircinstruc.htm
http://www.noharmm.org/Noncircform.htm

I am so sorry that this happened. That hospital took advantage of both you, and your baby, and I hope that the both of you are doing well.

[Aspie]

You are a victim so there is no reason for us to bash you. My suggestion beyond legal action (I highly recommend legal action) is to set up a restoration fund (think of it kinda like a collage fund) for your son.

[peterpink]

This is sickening. From what you have said, you have a very good case for litigation. Take asdfjklmeh1's advice. Any financial recompense you get could be put into a fund for your account when he is older.

[Not-B-Angry]

I read that with tears in my eyes. You are a wonderful, caring mom. I wish my mother at least cared the way you did. When I confronted her as a young adult, she dodged responsibility and said "i'm sorry" without really getting why I was so upset. I too remember my circumcision...

My very good friend, after talking to me, decided to leaver her two boys intact, and she had to fight the doctors who were trying to insist on cutting. She stood firm. It's so unethical of them to approach you when you were not fully conscious.

Talk to your boy sooner than later. Around adolescence may be a good time to explain how you tried to prevent it, and whether he feels bad about it or not, he'll know that you fought for him...which is all that really matters between a son and a mom.

Glad you posted!
~Rick

[maxximus1966]

NOONE in this forum will bash or criticize you!!! I wont repeat the comments which have already been offered to you from other members here but I would urge you to look into it. Love you son, educate him and when he is old enough to make a choice to restore or not, support him. I know you are a loving mother or you would have never posted your story here, for that we all thank you. Spread the truth about the wrongs associated with circumcision amongst all your family and friends and perhaps you can help another. Take care.

Steven

[DPX1]

They didn't get your informed consent, it sounds like a really questionable practice and you should sue. By half-asleep do you mean that you were still sedated? Because if that's the case it's really disturbing that they used your somewhat incapacitated state to get you to go against your wishes.

[admin]

Originally Posted by 1madmommy

Even after telling them I didn't want him circumcised, the nurse got my consent when I was half asleep (she talked to me like the procedure had been done already so I stupidly signed) and his father had gone to get breakfast.

This is the scenario under which William Stowell sued (upon reaching age 18) and prevailed with a cash settlement.

Do collect all documents about the circumcision. Who paid, what exactly was signed, where was it done, who attended? And of course, what was the diagnosis that warranted an amputation and what less destructive remedies were tried first with what outcomes?

Talk to an attorney. Make sure your son's options are not limited by anything you do or don't do.

[slickskin]

I don't think you're a bad mother at all. That hospital and the nurse clearly took advantage of both you and your boy. You were given a consent form when you were not in a sound state of mind, and they knew you didn't want him circumcised. He also suffered a complication. This definitely sounds like grounds for a lawsuit! Vent to us as needed, but also find a lawyer!

[intact]

sue NOW and save lots of boys!
also, do not give birth in a hospital... easy enough.