I wrote a letter to my parents.

[Allan85]

Originally Posted by Jamie

I really hope you can turn down the hate, at the end of the day, they are still your parents and deserve a slither of respect for that alone.

Agreed. Nobody is perfect, and no matter how wrong your mom and dad are still your mom and dad. I would expect my children to treat me with respect, as I am sure you would also.

Look, I know I am fairly knew to posting here, and I don't know you Falkner09 or your family, but I share in your grief, I really do, most of us here do.

I was born in the 1980's, and like yourself was a victim because everybody else was doing it, and that's all my parents knew, and it was cleaner, and prevented diseases and every other sickening excuse there is...

I know without any doubt that my parents did not make their decision with any malicious intent whatsoever, they would never intentionally do something to harm me. ( i know that really sounds like an oxymoron given the forum here huh?) They were misinformed and made a bad decision because of it. Did that bad decision hurt me, well yes, yes it did. However I still respect them as my parents, and I don't hate them for what was done, In fact I forgive them because I know and understand that they truly did not understand just what they were doing. I am truly disappointed and I'm angry with them, but infinitely more so with the doctors and everyone else who keeps the misinformation circulating and keeps the barbaric act of circumcision going. I have chosen to be an over-comer and a voice and model for positive change, and not succumb to hatred.

Something you might consider, is how much propaganda there was, and even still is, and I'd imagine you were also born well before the internet... The majority was circumcising, the majority of doctors were telling people it was necessary and prevented numerous diseases later in life. They were telling parents to be that the babies would not remember it, that they don't feel pain like adults do, and so on... I'd imagine that your parents, like mine, only knew of circumcision since it had been done for decades before they or us were here. They would have been conditioned to think the way they did/do. combine that with the total lack of knowledge of everyone at the time about the foreskin's functions and there's the reason so many were victimized... That does not make it right by any stretch of the imagination, but may help you understand where they were coming from.

My initial feelings towards my parents was right in line with yours when I learned the truth about circumcision, and I am very glad today that I did not let that monster out of its cage... I have been able to forgive my parents due to the considerations above, however the parents of today with all the information available, whoa to them... there's just no excuse today. It is truly a tragedy that in 2012 it is still going on, and there will still be a whole new generation of us's in twenty years who are also hurt and angry.

It seems so cut and dry to us today because we have all of the information at our finger tips, literally. We know the pain caused by circumcision, first hand. Back then, they did not have the full information so readily available, if at all. and I am sure they did the best they knew to do.

Please don't misunderstand me, I am in NO way trying to minimize your suffering, or tell you how to live your life. Nor am I trying to justify what your parents or any one else's here did; It's an unthinkable act, and should not have happened to anyone. I would just really hate to see someone throw away their relationship with their parents like this. If you go this road, and sever your relationship with your parents I am positive this will be something you will look back on in the future with much regret, Mark my words, and remember that some random stranger on an internet forum cared enough to warn you.

Two wrongs do not make a right. Yeah, sure, it might make you feel better for a time. I have to ask though, what kind of person takes pleasure in bringing pain on another? is that not your goal, to make them feel the pain you have felt? consider this then, Doesn't it lower you to the same level or even lower as the ones who hurt you, if you knowingly cause pain in another?

What kind of example is it to exhibit hatred? How will that hatred help others to see the wrong done to you or the suffering you have endured? Most likely the hatred you express will overshadow and cloud the perception of any wrong done to you or the pain you felt. and in other's eyes will make you seem to be the bad guy. Anger due to being hurt is one thing, pure hatred is another. Hatred like this is a downward spiral my friend, and can not lead to anything good.

Just some food for thought. and to sum it up in short, maybe just reconsider the approach, perhaps then your mom wont feel like she needs to be defensive and maybe she will actually remain open to listen to you.

You may hate me if you wish, it wont hurt me, I'm well past that, I just couldn't sit by and not speak up. I truly do care, and hope everything works out for you, and that you and your family can come to terms with what was done, and that they can understand the pain they caused you and sincerely apologize for that, and maybe salvage the relationship.

Take baby steps man, don't totally write it off yet, get the anger and hurt out in the open. Try to help them understand, maybe show them a video... then give them a chance, leave the opportunity open for dialogue.

If nothing else you'll be able to say you tried.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by w.o.f.

Bullshit. The child deserves support and respect. Parents don't.

Everyone deserves support and respect. I am sure you have made mistakes in your life that you regret.

[Tristan]

Wow. I just really can't relate to these feelings that some circumcised men have. Yes, I regret the fact that I was circumcised as an infant, but I also understand that my parents were only doing what they believed to be right for me, that they were misinformed, and that they certainly didn't mean me any harm. And maybe it's something to do with the way I was circumcised (i.e.: not painfully tight), but I've never felt that my sensitivity or sexual enjoyment have been compromised--certainly if restoring makes things feel even better that'll be great, but I don't feel like I've been missing out.

In any case, unless your parents were deliberately trying to harm you, I just can't imagine harbouring this kind of hatred and rage over something that, while I agree it's wrong--and to be very clear, I do believe that routine, medically unnecessary infant circumcision is wrong--is a relatively minor thing.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by Tristan

I just can't imagine harbouring this kind of hatred and rage over something that, while I agree it's wrong--and to be very clear, I do believe that routine, medically unnecessary infant circumcision is wrong--is a relatively minor thing.

While I agree that our parents did what they believed was the right thing, and that hating them for it is also wrong and unhealthy, it was still a grave mistake to make, and I can't help be a little offended by your comment. It is no "minor thing" to bring a baby into this world and put him through torture by slicing up his genitals. Even though we can't remember that, I have no doubt that in many cases it causes psychological harm, and in all cases: physical harm. People who even consent to circumcision, have adequate anesthetic be it local or general. Babies have nothing. Circumcising babies is sexually crippling them, where sex cannot possibly feel as nature intended. Perhaps if you don't know what it's like to have a tight cut, then it may not have affected you as badly.
When you learn about the purpose and benefits of the foreskin, then you realise just how much your sex *was* compromised. Personally, I have been affected very emotionally over this, but I'm finally able to move on and get back hope. I simply shelved this all my life for my own protection. Now, some clever people have brought many of us out of denial and ignorance, and we can look forward to having future partners where we are finally equipped to bring pleasure that we were previously incapable of.

[Tristan]

Originally Posted by Jamie

It is no "minor thing" to bring a baby into this world and put him through torture by slicing up his genitals . . . Circumcising babies is sexually crippling them, where sex cannot possibly feel as nature intended.

I would challenge the idea that most male circumcision is "sexually crippling." Certainly the most extreme forms of FGM (Type III involves the complete removal of the external genitalia, excision of the clitoris, and the near-sealing of the vulva) are sexually, physically and emotionally crippling, but the vast majority of circumcised men do not consider themselves in any way crippled, and it's not because they're ignorant of the functions of the foreskin.

When I say that male circumcision is in most cases a relatively minor thing, I mean that we need to keep things in perspective: it wasn't done maliciously, it didn't result in the kind of lifelong torture suffered by victims of FGM or by intersex people who are assigned almost at random to one or the other sex, and the overwhelming majority of circumcised men get along perfectly fine. But again, that doesn't mean that I think routine, medically unnecessary infant circumsion is ok.

[Jamie]

This is what I am talking about. This all rings true for me, my failures in relationships, and being unable to make love in a mutually enjoyable way.

Have you seen this thread from a woman? She makes perfect sense and I urge every unconsented circumcised man in this world to get tugging ASAP. I cannot wait for the time to come, and I'm fuking pissed off nobody told me to do this 20 years ago, when I was a teenager! I have lost out on sexual youth, I wont loose out like this for anymore of my life. (give 4 years)

http://www.foreskin-restoration.net/...ad.php?t=10918

EDIT:
Tristan, All men are supposed to have foreskins, all penises that enter vaginas need a rolling of skin motion, that is what nature intended. Fixed skin cocks do not work properly in intercourse. Am i just being arrogant here? Im just thinking logically about it having seen quite a few educational videos on it

[Cajoboy]

Great post. We all have experienced many of the emotions and feelings or we wouldn't be here.

At some parts of Faulkner's letter I think he is a little off base, then the next sentence is so dead on. Makes me think that we will never exhaust this topic.

It would be nice to hear the...... l almost said "the outcome". But there is no outcome, not really, what has been done is done. So now there is a fork in the road and you either take the road where you want to have at least some kind of relationship with your parents, or the road where you have no relationship. Really, those are the only two options. Frankly, I wouldn't blame you for choosing either.

I probably have even more baggage to carry around with me (trust me) and I think about these things every day and night but know what happened happened, but I can't stop ruminating. I guess in a way you can say it has seriously affected my life, to might I say, ruined it. I choose not to think the second.

I don't know if you are gay or straight by the way you worded some things, but if you are straight, the BEST thing to do to get back at your parents is have a boy, have a healthy bouncing baby boy, and you know what NOT to do to him. Then if you mother wants to see him.....well...... you know how many things you can say and do with that. This, I see, is a positive outcome. You can tell your parents where to go, and NEVER let them forget what they did, not ever. But have satisfaction in knowing that your son will be whole.

[Element786]

the BEST thing to do to get back at your parents is have a boy, have a healthy bouncing baby boy, and you know what NOT to do to him

Very well said!

I'm a gay man, and I try not to dwell on my own mutilation. I think that if I can influence as many expecting-mothers as possible to NOT do this to their sons, I will have led a successful life in that regard.

Until foreskin regeneration is possible, it makes zero sense to dwell on your own suffering. Put all that anger and energy into breaking this cycle of violence in other families.

EDIT: A fantasy of mine is to be a father and then when the nurse/doctor comes in and asks me if I want to circumcise my son, I could shoot him a cold glare and say something incisive that would stick with him for the rest of his life, like: "Why don't you go dock a puppy's tail, instead?"

[Appalled Observer]

Some assistance (I hope)

Bottom line:
1)You knew it was my body.
2)You knew it wasn’t necessary.
3)You knew it was permanent.
4)You knew it was MY CHOICE ALONE.
5)You knew that mutilating me like this was incredibly dangerous to my happiness for the rest of my life.
6)But you didn’t care.

1)....of course
2)...necessary for what? If you have forgotten that parameter, then maybe it didn't occur to them? If they had been subliminally persuaded that "it's cleaner/more hygienic" and "it serves no purpose anyway" and "it's a common practice" then "is it necessary?" may become "why not?"
3)...I don't believe a thoughtless action would make the notion of permanence occur. "They knew" would then become "didn't occur to us as significant/relevant".
4)...same reasoning as 3
5)...I would say FALSE. Why would any parent outside of an insane asylum, knowing what you say they knew, do that to anyone, let alone their own child?
6)...given the previous reasons, I would say "you didn't care" becomes "It didn't occur to you."

I'm so terribly sorry if what I'm saying is hurtful...it's said with affection, grief and sympathy. It seems to me that declarations of "You did this, didn't do that, why did you do/not do that!?" only have validity when the THOUGHT WAS PRESENT AND YOU WILFULLY RATIONALISED IT AWAY. But if the thought DIDN'T OCCUR (for whatever reason) then it's the THOUGHT's fault, for not occurring...meaning no human's fault.
It's the fault of the mechanism, the mechanism that made the thought not occur to the perpetrator(s).

Of course, rationale (as the above) isn't much help when on board hatred (as I have too, other reasons) needs a human target. I know vaguely why my dad was a disgusting c***...that doesn't mean that if he was alive I wouldn't enjoy murdering him with a spade. That would be the mechanism at work, in all its appalling simplicity.

Have to go now...have so much to say I'd be here all week at this keyboard.

[Appalled Observer]

Originally Posted by Jamie

EDIT:
Tristan, All men are supposed to have foreskins, all penises that enter vaginas need a rolling of skin motion, that is what nature intended. Fixed skin cocks do not work properly in intercourse. Am i just being arrogant here? Im just thinking logically about it having seen quite a few educational videos on it

Not arrogant, and the Tristan member could be a troll. Simply put, foreskins are a tubular roller bearing, and mitigate all friction in a shortage/absence of lubrication.