forced circumcision rage

[swordofpeace]

Pre-ramble (you can skip):
I wish I had more time to spend here. Once I have my own place again, I will, at least on the weekends. I am living out of a hostel now . Ok I am restoring but that also is slow since I can"t wear the devices at my current stage of length easily, especially living out a hostel. I also don't have as much time to get as deep into the issues, but I do lightly, every day or two. I really have to, otherwise my mind gets tense. I have found that studying these issues is the one thing that relaxes my usually tense brain. I realize grieving is work, and work that has to be done, apart from and aside from restoration/tugging, which also has to be done. I'm trying to be as fast and thorough as I can. People aren't always helpful but it's always enlightening. I feel alone, not understood, even by those close to me, by society. Not just in this issue but in many. I want to shout to everybody and shake everybody. Now I live in Germany, where they are probably horrified by this practice, but they do other bs I don't like. Their system is good, if you are in it, but to do so I have to buy hundreds of dollars worth of health insurance I neither want nor thing I need. But I would tell them all about my issues but I don't have a good enough relation build up with that many germans. Telling people about this is part of my journey. My strategy is to build relationship, then spring it on them when it is right. I see myself as a teacher sort of, I guess, and this has also given me a little expertise in trauma-ology and related issues. Now I"m supposed to just trust German medicine?

Ok now on to what I want to say:
I was reading the wiki article about "Forced Circumcision" and this angered me. I realize we still live in a culture and world that forces it on to people. I mean it was not a thing of the 80s that has passed. People are still as closed minded as ever. I read about how a woman turns in her man to other guys, while he's sleeping, a real Delilah bitch, and then he is forced to undergo a circumcision. I can't remember where, but probably in Africa. What kind of woman is this? Then people say now he will be a man. I start to hate this woman and I want to slap her, cut her face up, circumcise her, pull her hair out of her head. She definitely doesn't know her role. I want to end the violence cycle, but who taught me violence, by example? But I want to be the bigger man and end it, but this is really disheartening,

I learned how certain Muslims did forced circumcision this to various groups and people over time- in India, in North Africa, etc, including to British and western europeans. I look forward to the day when this religion is history, and I would help bring it about if possible. I'm not racist but I am culture-ist, and religion-ist. I hate it, especially when it would do this. They are winning by birth rate, which is sad, how we have fallen behind in the last 50 years. I would if I could, have seven children, starting this year. Also the Jews in the past did this, according to the apocryphal book of Maccabeas.

Ultimately circumcising a baby is forced circumcision, definitely, but studying it being done on adults brings a whole new dimension, and a fresh new sense of betrayal. I feel betrayed by proxy, as a man, betrayed by culture, betrayed by so much on behalf of my gender and all sane people. It makes me hate feminism even more, while all they do is whine about their problems and blame men as the cause. We have to step up if you agree with me. Anyway I want to stay on track.

I found another good website, on circumcision quotes

I learn more insidious things. We cannot, I have always believed, justify our mutilators, or let them off easy. At least not all of them. They know what they are doing, or went to great lengths to do it, anyway. This lady said twice that she didn't want her son circumcised, and yet as she woke up, she noticed they were taking her son away, and she asked why? Where? His name was on the board of babies to be circumcised. She saved him luckily but two weeks later, a nurse called and said it's not too late for him to be circumcised without pain killer. This was in 1997. So you see, I can't make excuses for them, like Ignorance. Maimonides and Kellogg both knew the sexual dimension of the foreskin. It boils down to people just want to justify their crimes. Even if they have good excuses, if they want to be really righteous, they'd admit they were abusers, and be humble. That is in a way the only real position I want from them- see the parable from Jesus about the rich man and the sinner.

There are are more quotes and insights. I learned how doctors instructed nurses to keep the babies in a separate room until they quieted down, or fell asleep, before bringing them back to their "parents". "Oh, he's so quiet". The nurse was thinking they were stupid idiots, that the baby was crying intensely the last half hour.

I'm sure I'll think of things I wanted to add to this rant. I can post them as replies. It doesn't matter. They are out there on google. Maybe you can add a separate forum for intactivism, or ranting, in addition to "grief" and "general restoration" because I don't want this post to clutter up the posts of people seeking techniques and guidance on restoring. Anyway if you're heart hasn't been broken, you're not human or you are ignorant. I hope it gets to the point where the only way people can be ignorant is if they are so willfully, and that is no defense in a court of law.

I believe the rage has to get out. If I don't let it out it goes inside of me. Already it exhausts me. Usually it just gets directed to the sky. There's no one I could anyway at the moment. But if I could, that's not so bad either. I don't think it destroys our cause. Good cop, bad cop, we need both. People say we should keep circumcising because nobody is complaining about it. Raging at others solves this problem loud and clear. A lot of women understand the rage and sympathize with it. A lot of women also have rage. If they didn't want rage, they shouldn't have caused it in the first place. I'm sorry it gets displaced on the wrong people sometimes but at least they get to keep their package. They could see this as an opportunity to be grateful for what they still have rather than have thin skin. I am exhausted and feel like a loser. I feel incompetent and impotent and directionless and living a meaningless life. I feel like I am a case of a lot of potential down the drain. Also, I almost never rage at someone who listens to what I have to say. If instead, they want to invalidate me, that breeds rage inside of me, as well as having no one to talk to. I am studying how to force others to meet my expectations if they want to have contact with me, but on the other hand, being a good authority if they do, and a servant leader, even ready to take a bullet. With power comes responsibility but I feel it is my duty to enforce my expectations, when they are functional. I have no position in society, no platform to stand on. I am a loser who is not effective. I can't get a girl and be satisfied with her.

Oh I also wanted to say this about beauty. I had the idea that as I got older I would find the most beautiful woman I could, and also beautiful in soul. I begin to seek and wait for more and more beautiful women, even though I have seen many beauties. I always think there must be an even better looking one out there. Part of this is pathological. Part is wishful thinking, instinctive programming. But being in Germany, seeing a lot of contented men with whomever they're with, and realizing my views are ridiculous, and learning what I have about circ, I realize this is a consequence of lack of sexual pleasure from even good beauty. In other words, if I can't feel much stimulation in my penis during sex (not that I have had a lot but I am a fast learner with most things) I realize I can expect and demand more from women- more obedience, more beauty, etc. I can't, can I? But I do, because hell, I want to be able to be satisfied, so that I can be recharged and be a giving man back. I realize it works both ways and I am working through that stellar book- Sex as Nature Intended it. I have nothing to offer a woman in terms of stability or community or wealth. I can only offer my poor unstable self without a career, nothing. So how the hell can I go on expecting the best, most beautiful, that I have never found? And even if she did like me, I would be reserved, hesitant, not because of low self-confidence necessarily, but in realizing I couldn't offer what she probably deserves and expects. I would talk her through things and make her read Sex as Nature Intended it, and question her as to whether she fully understood. that's my new questionairre for anyone who wants to be together with me. I'm not going to start on a path of future resentment.

But you see, now I crave the highest beauty, and quality in general, because I can't get proper enjoyment from normal vaginal sex. I am tired of always oral sex on women, all the time, though I like that sometimes. I want to give them basic vaginal pleasure. So anyways in my situation I end up being alone, for many reasons, which is sad because I want to have a wife and children, and I want it soon. My problems are not all caused by circumcision but they are all exacerbated by it. it becomes a necessary distraction but keeps my mind off things of other importance.

[dreamer]

I understand what you say. I'm angered by the idea of forced circumcision, and circumcision of babies is equally forced, only on more vulnerable individuals.

I actually just wrote to the board of the AAP in anticipation of their new policy, and part of my email reads:

I know that I'm asking something difficult. In order to stop cutting babies, we have to accept that being circumcised might have robbed us from something that we will never experience. We have to accept that we might have been harmed on a deeper level than we even know. Many circumcised men don't consider themselves mutilated. You said it yourselves in regards to female genital mutilation ("“mutilation” is an inflammatory term that tends to foreclose communication and that fails to respect the experience of the many women who have had their genitals altered and who do not perceive themselves as “mutilated.”" http://pediatrics.aappublications.or...25/5/1088.full), but let's call things the way they are. If circumcision was forced upon a non-consenting adult, he would have every right to consider himself mutilated and victim of an aggravated assault - so why would it be any different just because the procedure was performed during the early infancy? A parental consent form does not make the mutilation any less real or the scar any softer, or the severed nerves any less severed. Or the dead babies any less dead.

I wish you the best and I hope you find proper outlets for your anger.