Have to vent...

[saturnclue]

I recently had a discussion with my parents about being circ'ed and I was just blown away by what was said.
They said it wasn't an easy decision, but also called it "just a piece of skin" and asked if i "needed it."

I said, yes actually I do. It was a piece of MY body, which served a purpose and no one asked to remove it. They had no response when I asked why it would EVER seem okay to remove part of your child before taking him home.
They even brought up religion, and I was able to quickly list off several places in the Bible where circ is effectively called unnecessary.
I am also confused as to how they could read the bible and be able to preach to me not to "mutilate my body" but also that this particular mutilation is okay or even necessary.

Also they acted like I was somehow weird or stupid for even caring about it. I felt absolutely helpless because they could not understand the fact that it effects me because a decision was made about MY body without my permission, especially one that concerns perhaps the most basic function of a living being. After finding something like that out how could I just not care?

I am just baffled at how it could ever make sense to anyone to do that to their child? Probably there have been hundreds of posts like this but I just really had to get this written down.

Any advice on how to get over the fact that there is no compassion or understanding about this issue there?

[Z-bop]

If it happened to your father, he may not know the advantages of being intact. He could be blinded by his own ignorance. Same as your mother, how would she know. Has she had things removed from her body, and heard of what it's like to have what she should of had?

No parent wants to hear what they've done was horrible for their child. They did what they thought was best for their child.

As we get older. We've found out things we've followed were wrong for us. It's a process. We are evolving. All we can do is take what we know NOW, and bring it along to our future. Bad/wrong habits will die with our parents. As we progress, we will shape the future. We must be diligent. We can not blame our parents, we must progress and do better. And one day, our children will do better.

What we think is right now, will be replaced by what is better tomorrow. Keep growing. Circumcision will end one day. We are part of the forefathers. Keep on keeping on.

[moniker]

I had a very similar experience with my parents when I was 14. In fact, instead of showing compassion, my parents ended up being angry at me for even questioning them, and my dad acted like I had insulted him. They still don't understand, and I haven't talked about it with them since then.

It's rough. It hurts like hell, and the hurt isn't going to go away quickly. But it will hurt less over time, and if you can go through the healing process and see yourself not as a victim but as a survivor, you can come away from all this pain as a stronger person. Ultimately it's up to you to find some peace for yourself.

[peterpink]

You have every right to vent. Since there is no one else to vent to, this is a very good place. We do understand.

Your parents will be in denial that they have done any harm. They did not use common sense but were fooled by your culture and the medical profession. If your father is cut, it will be difficult to admit that he has a deficient penis.

The best thing to hope is that they will eventually apologize to you. However, this may take them some time, since they will be in a type of shock. It may help to write down your feelings so they can read them quietly. Because you are still in the anger stage of grief it is hard to present your case rationally. Write down how you feel and that you are grieving for the lost part of your body. Explain that it is like a woman who has had a mastectomy and needs to grieve. They need to know that the foreskin has several functions, so print off some of that material from the internet.

Here is my 'lost list'. Unfortunately my parents died before I woke up from the circumcision coma. You may get some ideas from it.

I am angry because …..
1. Part of my body was removed without my consent.
2. I suffered excruciating pain while the prepuce was cut and ripped from the glans.
3. I was mutilated twice (my circumcision was repeated).
4. My parents did nothing to protect me.
5. My brain and nervous system have been permanently damaged.
6. A part of my body that was supposed to produce pleasurable sensations experienced excruciating pain.
7. I was unable to bond properly with my mother.
8. I have kept isolated from other people.
9. The two most erogenous parts of my penis – the prepuce and frenulum - were cut off.
10. My penis has large amounts of scar tissue.
11. My body image is imperfect.
12. A private, sexual body part that should be hidden most of the time, is permanently exposed.
13. I have had to endure years of discomfort as the unprotected glans was abraded by my clothing.
14. I have spent years wondering what was wrong.
15. Both myself and my wife have been denied the pleasures of natural sex.
16. My glans became so keratinised and insensitive that sexual intercourse became unfulfilling by the age of fifty.
17. Foreskin restoration is time consuming, painful and will never restore the tissues and their nervous system that was taken from me.
18. I feel shame.
19. I am incomplete, unworthy, damaged, deficient, abnormal, inferior, victimised and violated.
20. There was never any scientific reason to mutilate me in the first place.
21. No one has apologised for what was done to me.
22. No one that really understands my loss.
23. I feel my life has been much less than it should have been.
24. I feel like a failed Victorian medical experiment.
25. Helpless male babies and boys are still having their genitals mutilated.

[AntonioRaphael]

I understand your feelings about what has been done to you. I think our parents were molded the way a lot of them were always told it was for safety for contracting diseases and illnesses and for women so they wouldn't get certain cancers. As much as we feel this is hog wash, they just do not get it. We think it should be a choice when we get older to keep it get circ'd." I hate that word". We are not cattle. So I choose to love my parents and chalk it up to the ignorance what the doctors told them to do with out any information to back it up. I do think now in this day and time that all parents thinking to do this to their children should be in serviced to the implications if they follow this path. Also what a child might later come too mentally and physical conditions that effect them for the rest of their life or till they choose to restore or implant. Just my thoughts, hope this helps a little.

[saturnclue]

Thanks guys, your understanding definitely helps. I think that in time I'll be able to move past it. I don't really completely blame them for their action, since as was mentioned they didn't have the knowledge back then.

At the same time I am upset over the lack of understanding, but it makes sense that their individual frames of reference, and the shock of being told something they did for me was wrong might cause this.

It's still just so appalling that people thought (and unfortunately, think) that this is something acceptable to do to a child.

Hopefully my anger over the issue will subside quickly.

I think that more than regaining what was lost, restoring is helping me cope with the issue, because I feel like it is something I can do for myself about it.

[ctrclckws]

I heard about FR at age 34 and have been doing things off and on since to restore.

My father, circed at age 8, had already passed away, but when I was born and cut, he was 400 miles away, so I don't know if mom and dad ever talked about it.

I've had one conversation with my mother on the issue of circ, she got immediately defensive and said things like "I did the best for my child". No apology there.

The medical profession said to circ all babies because... and mothers listened.

Circ got so prevalent that certain vintage references don't even mention foreskin. or have drawings of same. I remember looking through the US edition of Enc. Britannica to find knowledge of the reproductive system and don't remember the foreskin being shown.

No point in being mad at them. It doesn't help the spread of knowledge to prevent circ from happening to more babies.

Good luck with your anger, direct it to constructive efforts.

[Americut]

Originally Posted by Z-bop

They did what they thought was best for their child

You know, I always see this around here. Truth is, not everyone knows the reason, unless they've asked. I usually dont go around talking about this anymore, and I may not have started this thread but... My mom said "yes" to my circ for the simple reason that my dad was cut, and so was her dad. No questions asked. No concerns. Nothing. Just cut if off. I dont really see how cutting part of my dick off because it was done to her dad and her husband, falls under the category of "whats best for me".

One thing I like to say is "Well I'm glad my dad wasn't missing an arm!"

[Restoreme]

Originally Posted by Americut

You know, I always see this around here. Truth is, not everyone knows the reason, unless they've asked. I usually dont go around talking about this anymore, and I may not have started this thread but... My mom said "yes" to my circ for the simple reason that my dad was cut, and so was her dad. No questions asked. No concerns. Nothing. Just cut if off. I dont really see how cutting part of my dick off because it was done to her dad and her husband, falls under the category of "whats best for me".

One thing I like to say is "Well I'm glad my dad wasn't missing an arm!"

I stand in the middle of a line of generations of males who have been circumcised. I'm sure a lot of it was done because everyone does it -- not a good reason. The rationale about being like his father is really unthinking. I believe that my father was circ'd, but he didn't go around displaying his penis to me.

A lot of parents did have it done for what they honestly thought were health reasons. That's what we thought. If I knew then what I know now, there would be two more intact men in the world. Little did we know that the reason that it started a 100 years ago was to prevent masturbation. It definitely didn't stop me! Now it's a practice looking for a reason. Perhaps we can be part of breaking this cycle of unthinking.

I too, am glad that my dad wasn't missing an arm!

[Borneo]

Ugh! Religion.

The Bible/God also condemns homosexuality as "abomination". So If God hates homosexuality, why does he want our foreskins so badly?

Just sayin'.