Clueless...at 43

[Purist]

Edit: Woops, I should have read the posting guidelines first - I used some harsh language. I wrote this from the heart, chose my words deliberately, and feel the language is appropriate for the meaning and emotions I tried to convey-but I will edit it if necessary. Please let me know, and I apologize in advance.




I consider myself an informed person about many things. Well, evidently not.

I went through my whole life ignorant about circumcision and the normal anatomy. For whatever reason I just never learned about it. I knew that I had been "circumcised" as a matter of fact, but I was completely clueless about what it was or that my shit wasn't normal. The only thing I had heard was that it was "a flap of skin" that was removed, and never thought anything more of it. Then one day about a year and a half ago, for whatever reason I just got curious and did an internet search. I was 43 at the time.

I was like...what the FUCK??!!!

I was pretty floored. I had no idea it was a scar that I was looking at all these years. I went to my girlfriend at the time for support and she didn't get what all the fuss was about.

I haven't been dwelling on it the whole time since, but whenever I do start thinking about it, I've gotten really sad and pissed. But lately even more so cause I think it's causing me sensitivity, erection, tightness problems. One thing that's rather fascinating, in a sad kind of way, is a relatively recent change in masturbation style. I used to be able to use my whole hand along the whole shaft, my fingers encircling it, but have gradually moved to more of a finger-tip motion, closer to the frenulum. I interpret this as an instinctive, but vain attempt to stimulate a foreskin that isn't there. I'm pretty sure this evolution in style began during my ignorant phase.

I called my father recently. (My mother's deceased. It was actually she who had it done. Technically, he wasn't complicit, but I believe only by an act of fate since he couldn't make it to the hospital that day). I knew trying to raise a dialogue with him wouldn't be good for me, but I still wanted to know how the conversation would go since I tried to imagine it and couldn't - and I don't know how much longer he'll be around. Then I'd never know.

I expected to be disappointed, but the conversation surprised me anyway. Well, the overall schema of the interaction was predictable, but he did say some truly wacky, moronic, annoying, disrespectful shit that I never could have imagined in my wildest daydream. So I did learn something new about him, albeit, nothing good. Oh, yeah , and of course he said "well, there's nothing you can do about it". Yeah, thanks a lot, Dad for that pearl of wisdom. No fucking shit, patronizing asshole. He wound up shutting the conversation down.

So, here I am :)

I hope that didn't make anyone feel bad; I needed to vent, and I appreciate being able to tell someone who understands.

I should add, however, I am hopeful, have a positive outlook, and I'm trying to make the best of it. It has been one of life's interesting twists. As a thought experiment, I try to imagine a world in which circumcision never at any time ever existed . In such a world, I never would have known that there was ever something I could have lost and to be thankful for. Imagining myself in such a state of ignorance--and contrasting that to our world and the task we've been given--is somehow a little consoling.

I started seriously working at manual tugging since right before the New Year, and I've taken a fascination in learning about the anatomy after being clueless all these years-- including a kind of morbid fascination with my scar. I can't tell you how many times I've followed it around my flaccid circumference since learning it's a scar. I can clearly make out what look like jagged knife cuts, so I'm very curious which horrible method the (person calling himself a) doctor employed. Could it be free-hand? It pisses me off to think that could be the asshole's actual handwriting on my cock 44 years later.

Following it around, I notice how it starts as a rather low cut (low = close to the corona) on the right side, then dips way down after passing under the frenulum remnant to a much higher cut, then becomes a low cut again as it works its way back around to the dorsal side. What's up with that?

I could keep going, but I'll stop there and thank you for reading that. I'm really glad to be here.

[ctrclckws]

I read you, friend.

currently age 45, discovered that you could restore at age 35 or so. Decided immediately to start.

still at it now. I finally feel that it is working, now that the glans is covered 50% plus when flaccid.

The first 8 or so years were off and on efforts as I tried most of the options for restoration to find workable things for me.

The last two years are when I feel the real progress has been made, mostly using TLC and my home made weight system.

Regarding the parental conversation.

My father had passed away before I discovered restoration was possible, but it wouldn't matter, he was out of town on a business trip when I was born and cut. The one time I asked my mother about it as an adult, She became immediately defensive ("I did the right thing for my baby", etc). Of course in 1964 that's what the doctors were telling everyone, right. I don't know that my father would have prevented it, he was cut at the age of 8, for what excuse/reason I never asked.

You are not alone, must of us the post here have been through the initial anger of how could they do this to thier child...

It affects some of us more and longer than others, so each one has to work it through in thier own way.

Restoration techniques work, the anger you feel can help you maintain a consistent effort until you find out what works for you. It helps if you have support from others in your life, especially anyone you live with.

It is sad that a few minutes with a knife takes so long to undo, and even then, it's not the same. Some foreskin is better than none. I'll keep at it until I am done. current goal unforced erect coverage.


Best wishes and keep on tugging.

[greg_b]

Welcome!

We have been subject to a great wrong. Many in our society send out lots of propoganda. Fear mongering. Biased information. False information.

My feeling is that parents are frequently given partial, and biased information, so can not make a thoughtful decison. The medeical community typically gives out passive aggressive information and statements that subtly lead a caring parent to decide to RIC.

It is flabbergasting that human rights, medical oaths, laws, and morals go out the window when circumcision is brought up. Mind Boggling.

Thankfully, our bodies have this amazing capacity to restore our foreskin. And we are so fortunate that some men decided to experiement and shared what they found out.

And things are very slowly changing...

Regards

[woody130]

our parents are not to blame, this has been going on for centuries, its cultural, Our parents did not do this despite us or to curtail our sex life, it was just common and always done. We are finding out it was incorrect to do and the procedure is slowing down and one day will stop all together. It's fortunate that we can restore, not 100 percent but close. I feel better about it and it's only been a month for me so turn our energy to restoration and not to any blame.

[J4rstr]

Welcome, Purist. It's good to have you here.

Hope you find all kinds of encouragement for your journey here!

Make sure to let me know if you think I can be any help.

Sincerely, J

[Goatfoot]

Purist, I empathize with you. I am a lot younger then you are, but it wasn't that long ago that I was also ignorant of the natural male anatomy. When I found out what I had actually been born with and what had been taken from me, I was devastated. I just couldn't beleive that my parents would do that to me.

It wasn't long after that that I decided to start restoring, and have since seen some good progress. I'm sure you will too.

The fact that this "surgery" is still so commonly performed on infants and non-consenting children indicates that our society is not nearly as civilised or advanced as one might like to think. We still have a long way to go. At any rate, good luck with your restoration.

[admin]

Originally Posted by Purist

[i]I should have read the posting guidelines first - I used some harsh language.

I've told my own children this since they were little; there are no bad words, only a word used in a disrespectful way or at the wrong time. Strong words have strong connotations which are appropriate to convey strong ideas.

[(CG)]

Hmmm. I was cut as an infant, and found out about restoration about 2 years ago. Same kind of revelation. I was somewhat upset about it. I did not like the fact that I had been ripped off. I don't blame my parents for it, however. Like many well-intentioned people, they had and still have a high regard for the medical profession. Were they misled? Yes, I think so. Was it malicious. No, it was not. Is it unfortunate? Yes.

Now here is the rub. I have decided to do what I can to fix it. When I learned about what is lost by circumcision, I decided then and there to improve things. I was, actually, quite relieved that something could be done about it! Sure, it will never be the same as the original. I am sad about that. But, restoration will certainly be an improvement.

There is one thing that I do think about. An intact man will never really know how "good" he has it because he cannot experience what it is like to be circumcised.

The restored person, however, does have an interesting reference. He knows what sex is like circumcised, and one day, he will know what it is like restored. It will be better -- much better. And since I am about 1/3 of the way to my goal, I have experienced that already.

There is some joy in that. Sex is better now than 2 years ago. That makes me happy.

[rcloverjohnson]

This is my first post on this network. I wanted to post an announcement of a Change.org petition I started called "End Neonatal Male Circumcision," but I couldn't put the URL there, I learned, until I do some posts and establish my identity here. So here I am!

I may have lived longer without knowing about circumcision than most of you. I was 60 years old doing primal therapy to try to find out what caused intimacy for me to be associated with anxiety. I was astonished during the process of having an infant like temper tantrum to suddenly feel sharp cutting pains progressing around the shaft of my penis. In other words, I didn't have a clue about the impact circumcision had on me until I was re-experiencing it in primal therapy.

I am now 65 years old and have tried to make up for lost time by reading about it, thinking about it, feeling miserable about it, and doing on and off restoring efforts. I have a TLC Tugger and generally have felt that I am making slower than average progress, but I'm glad to say I have gained a bit less than an inch of new skin that is bunched up above the corona or covers the upper part of the glans when flaccid. That's definitely an improvement. I believe my cut was pretty tight to begin with.

It is fascinating to hear your discussions about your parents. Both of mine were dead by the time I had my primal therapy experience, so I never had the experience of discussing the matter with my parents. Looking back, though, I have remembered many occasions when my father, who was NOT circumcised, seemed to feel guilty about me for some reason. I had learned long ago from my mother that Dad had been away on a business trip when I was born and she was angry about it. Just before my dad died, I asked him if Mother had ever forgiven him for being away on that business trip. "No, she never did," he said very sadly. That was my last conversation with my father before his death. My mother was already gone.

I know you might wonder how I could be so ignorant about my own circumcision when I knew my father was not circumcised. Actually, I didn't realize he was intact until long after his death. The way I figured it out was when I visited him at a nursing home where nurses were adjusting his catheter. I was alarmed to see that my father had what seemed to me a huge mass of droopy skin covering his penis. I thought there was something WRONG with him . . . a kind of elephantiasis of the penis!!! I almost went to a head nurse to ask if anything was going to be done about this problem, but hesitated because the nurses were so blase about his condition, I assumed there was just something I didn't know about that most people knew.

I can't believe how naive I was!

Anyway, I certainly know better now, and I think I understand why my father felt guilty about me. He was a first-born son in a family of four sons and three daughters. My older brother was circumcised in 1941, when doctors weren't obliged to get parental permission. I believe my parent were horrified about what was done to my older brother. I believe my mother may have wanted my father to make sure the doctors didn't circumcise me when I was born in 1945, but I believe my father couldn't bear to allow his second-born son to have an advantage over his first-born son. So, he went on a business trip to Wisconsin just at the time I was due to be born. That way, he thought he'd have an excuse for having not been there to stand up for me and say "No! Don't circumcise him!" Of course, I'll never know for sure. But I like to believe that my father felt he SHOULD HAVE intervened. I forgive him. He was caught in a terrible predicament and did his best, hoping somehow the doctors might be right about the good aspects of circumcision.

Of course, we know there are no good aspects to circumcision.

I guess the long and short of it is that I am now working on making the most of what time I have left to restore and make myself whole or as close to that as is still possible. Part of the process for me has been to vent my rage in therapy . . . not at my parents but at the doctors involved. Perhaps someday I'll forgive them too, but not quite yet.

Please look forward to getting a URL that will take you to a Change.Org site that includes the petition "End Neonatal Male Circumcision." We must certainly do what we can to prevent an endless future of circumcisions. It is up to those of us who now are aware to stop this pernicious practice.

[photenman]

Purist, as you can see, most everyone here is in the same boat. The first foreskin I remember seeing was on Michelango's David in Italy, and it didn't make an impression on me, I was taken by the the beauty of the sculpture. So I was clueless until maybe 20 years after that. I had the same aha moment ... wait a minute ...!

You should notice quick improvement in sensitivity if you use the MySkinCone to cover the glans. Sex has definitely improved for me after only 6 months using the bi-directional TLC-X, and I started from zero slack foreskin. So it is encouraging that we can grow foreskin. Maybe teens or the like regrow it faster (I have no idea), but the rate is pretty quick even if you are older and get on a regular program. You're barely middle aged - the new 30's. After you get used to it, you probably will want to be using the tugger like the TLC-X most of the time or the cone, so it becomes automatic, and the results follow.

So take heart and good luck.