Another female here! Help/ Advice needed! - Helping partner start FR

[RDaki]

Hi everyone!

I am very pleased to find this site and finally join!!!!

I am going to try to make a long story as short as possible.

I have been with my Fiancee for 2 years now and we've been engaged for over a year. He is 30 years old and was circumcised as an infant. The reason why I am here, and looking for support and advice is that I would really really like for him to undergo foreskin restoration.

There are many reasons why I want this.

1. I have never believed in circumcision after I witnessed one first hand when i was maybe 10-12 years old. It was in the home of a family friend who had this done as a religious ceremony as part of their jewish faith. I really have no dilemma nor want to create an discussion here about the ethics of circumcision vs. religion.... my only point is that what I saw, deeply saddened me and I felt very strange to be watching something that seemed so senseless, cruel, torturous, and unnecessary. Regardless, every man in my family (my father and brother) were circumcised so it was something that was the 'norm', and of course there was no reason to ever really question it.

2. It was not until HS when i really decided to read about WHAT a foreskin was, that I discovered how unfortunate routine circumcision is (and mind you this was about 15 years ago!)..... I lived for a long while outside of the US form 19- 21 years of age in Australia and was an avid world traveler in my young adulthood, so circumcision was NOT the norm for my guy friends and for my friends boyfriends.

3. When I began dating my now fiancee, and we became sexually active, all of my feelings that i felt while watching that circumcision, rushed back to me every time I would see his penis.... Especially when it was erect as he has has a particularly tight circumcision.

4. His circumcision is so tight that the skin literally becomes stretched to the point that is is glossy. The penis, when erect also has hair half way up, because there is not enough skin to complete the erection so it "borrows" skin from the scrotum. As a result, sex can be unpleasurable for me, because the hairs cause chafing.... not to mention the fact that I find myself wishing he was intact which kills my mood. I am still able to orgasm, it just doesn't feel "natural" (if that makes sense)

This has been a long journey for me. This man is the love of my life. I was worried about bringing up the topic of his penis and his circumcision because, obviously it's kind of sensitive subject.

I did end up bringing it up a few times just in passing.... and he got kind of mad, and dismissed me by saying that no one had ever complained about sex with him in his past. (Well obviously! It takes a certain level up intimacy to bring this subject up at all).

The next time I brought it up was after about 9 months of dating when I mentioned that If I had sons, that I would ensure that they were intact, and that circumcision could be their own choice as adults. This prompted a large arguement. (Clearly this was a sensitive issue for him as he did not really get the magnitude of what was taken from him and as a result what was taken from me and our sex life.)

Over time I've gradually brought it up. And I've had to show him videos of circumcisions, and read him articles from medical journals about the nerves that are lost, and also i've had to show him stories and pictures of botched and failed circumcisions.....I've showed him countless sites and FINALLY he agrees 10000% that any sons we may have will not be cut in any way. VICTORY there. However.... the next issue was the toughest. During this process, he began to become saddened about his own loss of foreskin, he does not yet see restoration as being therapeutic and he is weary.... It has taken me a full YEAR of discussion to get him to agree to TRYING restoration.

I'm really excited but i'm not sure what my next step will be. I know that for this to be successful he needs to want this as much as I do. I believe now that he realizes all that was taken from him he is feeling for the first time in his life, a little grief, and stress. I didn't intend to make him feel inadequate, i just want him and I to have the sex that we both deserve with each other and I don't even think he knows what he is missing yet!

So, please help me if you gentlemen or women who are here to support your partners, can.... and let me know what types of things i can do to continue to be a positive, loving, and encouraging partner.... so that I can continue to make him feel that this is going to benefit him as much as me.

Also, we will be needing advice on how to really begin this as it might be more difficult then some of the others who have restored because of less skin, and also due to there being hair on half the penis (might make taping tougher??).

I don't mind this being a slow process, I'm patient and I plan on being with him for the long haul so a year or more will be a blink in the thread of time.... But he is not that patient and might expect SOME results in short term to continue to be motivated. What kinds of things can we expect considering how tight he is currently?

Where do I start?

Thanks!!!!

[woody130]

welcome to the site and you made a great start. You will find this site full of great information and everyone will help you out in anyway they can. Maybe a start would be to show him this site and let him surf all the information and slowly get used to the idea.

I am new at this myself and i find a big difference in the feeling and it really works, takes time but really works. The journey is fun too. You will get other posts from more experienced users on this site. You can also purchase some of the devices that help in the process. The ones i use is the dtr and the tlc tugger, google thoes sites and look them over.

Good luck and thanks for joining!

[peterpink]

You sound like a great and caring partner. A pity there were not more women like you.

This is a difficult one. I think sensitivity is a key, but many men do not notice any loss of sensitivity until they start restoring. From forty years of age sensitivity in circumcised men seems to noticeably decrease. Most circumcised men do not notice any decrease in sensation and those that do put down to the aging process. Many of us here find restoration helps heal our anger and resentment as well, so this helps us keep motivated. Also, we feel we are now in charge of an important part of our bodies. Your man may do it if he thinks it will give you greater sexual pleasure. (Some US men get cut to please their female partners.) You have probably explained that it will relieve the tension on his tightly cut skin and help foreplay. Let him read the success stories from both the male and female points of view. Get hold of a copy of the O'Haras' book 'Sex As Nature Intended It'.

Although I would encourage him to restore, remember it is his body and his decision. He may be worried about doing more damage or that he will be thought odd/gay. He may come round to it eventually - give him time.

Best wishes.

[RDaki]

wow thanks! you guys are really supportive! I appreciate the responses so far.

It's been a long process to even get to the point of discussing restoration with him. A year and a half ago, he was arguing for pro circumcision for his own sons (of we end of having boys)!!! YIKES. so we've come a long way, but it takes time to do things right!

In fact several months ago, he decided to TRY taping (cross taping method because his skin was SO tight we could only get it close to coming over the rim of the glans while flaccid even with the skin stretched as far forward as possible), but it only lasted half a day because he found it painful. It was not painful because of the tension, but because in order to tape he had to tape over hairs.

I don't let him shave the hairs on his penis because then it would be like having sex with a cactus for me (it's not like you can get a close shave on a penis!!!)..... so it's a dilemma.

I've been trying to do as much reading as I can about all this, i just want the best and most comfortable method for him... actually when I think about it, I'd be fine with him shaving the penis if he can get some new skin over time as a compromise.

Recently he asked me if doing this restoration would make it bigger and if he would have more comfortable erections.... the fact that he is asking questions gives me hope that he is going to be interested enough to actually stick with a method and try it out.

At this point he is well aware how I feel about circumcision, and how i feel about him trying this so I am hopeful! I also know that in part I have issues with it to that I need to think about and deal with. I look at him and feel like he was violated and lost something yet until i pointed it out he never felt that way. Now i feel a little guilty that I let my disgust for routine infant circumcision, make him feel victimized. I find intact penises more sexy because i feel like they were born perfect... why mess with perfection? So I need to be EXTRA careful that I am as sensitive as possible and that I make sure that he wants this too and that I am not pushing it on him or else then I am not doing him any service.

In that regard I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing by him which i think he will see if he gets even more sensation out of this....

which leads me to ask:

I know each man is different but how long on average does it seem that men notice a difference in sensitivity? I'm excited for him as I think he will really appreciate what even a little extra skin will do for him and his erection....


Thanks again for the help!

[Goatfoot]

He could start off using manual stretching, and eventually start using a device when he has more skin. Manual stretching can be better for some men since you just use your fingers to stretch the skin on the penis. There are other people on this site that can give you a better idea of how to do this exactly.

Restoring with or without a device can potentially be uncomfortable at first, but over time it will become easier as the skin becomes looser.

[ctrclckws]

Originally Posted by RDaki

Recently he asked me if doing this restoration would make it bigger and if he would have more comfortable erections....

Anecdotal evidence of those with the typical infant tight cut report that erections are more comfortable with restoration.

Regarding bigger, it makes sense that with more skin, the penis will feel bigger. Some posts have indicated that restoration has given the internals of the penis more room when erect so that erections are a little larger.

You can certainly find posts here with web sites for penis enlargement, but if it's in the typical range, why go crazy worrying about making it larger, then you would have to grow more foreskin....

One woman that has posted started using manual techniques as foreplay to encourage her husband to restore.

Good luck, and remember it's a long term commitment if he decides to restore.

[ctrclckws]

By the way, Rdaki, welcome to the forum, we love the feedback from partners and especially the women.

[RDaki]

Thank you i'm glad to be here!!!

I like the suggestion of initially beginning the manual techniques as foreplay.... great idea for a starter. We are not working with much skin so devices are out for now I would assume.

Well, you know how things are culturally in the US..... men seem to always feel like they need to be bigger . He is perfect the way he is now size-wise, so growth is not something that is important to me.... him feeling really comfortable IS important to me.

Another question (because for a while I will be full of them): He has an intact frenulum, which from what i can tell is a good thing due to nerve sensations; How does the frenulum play into restoration? Does it have the same function in a restored foreskin as an intact forskin?

[ctrclckws]

My frenulum is one of the most sensitive parts of my penis. With enough skin growth, I do feel it is helping the skin stay forward and cover the glans.

If he starts using a device, he may find that some kind of notch for the frenulum will prevent pressure point pain that can happen.

The TLC device can also be modified with a notch, just ask for it when ordering. See TLC Intact on the tlctugger site

I especially noticed this when using the CATIIQ device, probably with to much push on the center rod.

The creator of the CAT has since come up with a "deep pusher" that helps with the issue. see catstretcher.com. To use this one it is imperative that there is loose skin on the penis because it requres some skin mobility to attach.

Have fun.

[Americut]

You sound wonderful, RDaki

After reading what you've said, it seem like the best start would be manual techniques; and lucky him, he's got you to help! Tally is a member of this forum, whom has put together a site for manual techniques. HERE is a link straight to the manual methods. Of course there are other areas of that site with good info, as well as lots of good info in the methods forum on this board. As ctrclckws said, there was a woman around here that used manual techniques on her husband. I remember her saying that a lot of the sessions were done in a hot tub. The heat and the water should both help. I often manual tug in the shower. Well I used to strictly do it in the shower, but now I find myself putting in a quick session on the toilet or while reading. Other than that I primarily use the TLC Tugger, as suggested by my avatar.

One thing I was thinking is that his skin my be so immobile due to the scarring. It may have fused itself to the shaft on the inside, while healing from the circumcision. This is often the case, and many of us find that after a few weeks of tension (with various possible methods) we are able to break that fusion free, and gain a bit of mobility on the shaft. This certainly was the case for me. So you can keep that in mind while examining him. Not too long after gaining some mobility, I was able to comfortably wear a retainer (Your-Skin cone) and keep the glans covered with the mucosa. Doing so will fairly quickly preserve some good sensitivity in both surfaces.

The tightness in his erection is surely something worth doing even a little restoring for. And I say it that way because even if he doesn't want a whole foreskin, there are still many things that can be improved with a few months (as opposed to years). But I can say that after he experiences even the small benefits of starting this, I doubt he'll be stopping. Especially considering what a motivation you apparently are. As for me, my erections used to be tight and glossy, like you said his are. This creates an undesirable surface for the woman. This became clear to me after a few months of restoring. My erections began to have just as soft a feel as the skin did, while flaccid. The skin even took on a velvet-like texture! This (along with other things) has vastly improved mine and my fiancee's sex life.

Keep the questions coming, and repeat them if necessary.