Pissed off and enlightened somehow..

[Rikimusha]

Well.. for my story. I never knew what circumcision was until i heard people talking about it in school and one of the guys went "hell no, i aint circumcised!" and his friends all calmed him down saying "its just a joke dude, haha!"
I always believed the way my penis looked was natural until i asked my mom if i was circumcised. She said i was and talked about it being a piece of skin and how it was so much harder to clean. She talked of patients she had seen while working at the hospital with unclean uncircumcised penises, and I was led to believe every drop of it. I remember discovering bumps on my shaft at around age 16 and i was scared that they were some kind of infection, to later learn by my doctor that they were harmless and were ingrown hairs, but how did i get them?

So nothing new happened until my first year of college. I decided to check out circumcision again and i learned the details. I learned the true functions of the foreskin and I was ticked off for a bit. I attempted to restore a few times, but it was kind of a hassle since i didn't see much results. My friends who were also circumcised didn't understand and instead pushed the argument of hygiene, but i countered with the fact that we all have access to soap and water.

Some time on a break from college i decided to confront my mother for the first time. She got defensive and said something along the lines of asking if i was uncomfortable with my penis size or something, but i tried to explain what a foreskin was to her. I actually confronted her a few more times, and told some family about it, but no one understood, they continuously defended circumcision.

The final confrontation occured today, i wasn't in a good mood and my mother and sister kept trying to pry in on how i was feeling, but i kept telling them that i didn't want to talk about it (no one really cared anyway except for you guys on this forum). Eventually my mom stopped me and demanded to know what was on my mind. I fessed up and told her it was about the circumcision. Her response was along the lines of "oh, that again, thought it was something different". So we're in the car and my mother decides to ask if i will always feel a grudge and i responded with "i will use this anger to restore, and hopefully it will go away" and then hell broke loose. She talked about how she did it for the best of me, but i responded with why didn't she do more research and she asked how could she have been able. I responded with "books!"

I don't know... i just feel some hatred...

[Rikimusha]

I remember my mom telling me in the past how i would never speak in class. I was dead silent. How i wouldn't eat, not a bite of food at times, at a point in my
life. Maybe thats why now in this time, i'm not a very social person. I mean i am in a fraternity, but i tend to avoid socializing. Maybe thats why i'm not the most confident person.

I just want to go back in time and restore sooner and explode in rage to my mother so this drama could have had its high point already. Or even talk to her and convince her not to have me circumcised..

she did so much for me in life, but she is so arrogant, that i just want to finish my education and leave...

[nuuu4]

I am not sure how old you are but don't forget that most likely when you were born the information on the foreskin was not as readily available as now. Even now there are few books on the subject - most of the info is on the internet. The internet is not that old.

Perhaps educating your family without the anger would achieve better results. If your mother senses that you are angry with her and holding a grudge the natural human defense mechanism is for her to justify what was done.

To help her understand it may be helpful for her to know that you forgive her because she didn't have the knowledge and the information wasn't available. She is a victim of the this societal issue to an extent as well.

Once that is over with, she should be more willing to listen and understand. If you can convince your family they will become supportive allies. Also, they may communicate this to others and prevent future children from being circumcised.

Something to think about.

[Rikimusha]

Ah.. yeah, i'm 19. Born in December 1990. I guess she didn't understand.. considering that she came from Jamaica, i was born shortly after. She has even said she has read some of the sites i visited about intactivism, but she doesn't understand. She rarely understood me on many topics, we disagree on many...many things. She's relatively close minded on a lot of things like religion, dating, health, you name it. So she tends to stick to her guns regardless of the way i come to her. It just feels weird, but i guess i'll take your advice and tell her that before i leave for college.

[Rikimusha]

I apologized for being mean to her and told her i understand she didn't have as much access to info back then. She thinks i should get over it like she always thought , but no worries, restoration will come before i fully get over anything.

[admin]

Originally Posted by Rikimusha

I apologized for being mean to her and told her i understand she didn't have as much access to info back then. She thinks i should get over it like she always thought , but no worries, restoration will come before i fully get over anything.

I understand that you're grieving and angry. I think it only makes sense to hold that anger until your mom apologizes. You don't need anger to restore, just commitment.

It was hard in my case to get through my mom's thick religious head. When I told her I was pissed and wanted to sue the doctor, hospital, and insurer about my circumcision, she said: "I figured everything worked fine since yuo have two perfect daughters."

How do explain to your mom that you have much higher expectations for the quality of the sexual experience than she ever settled for?

Good luck,
-Ron

[Rikimusha]

Originally Posted by admin

I understand that you're grieving and angry. I think it only makes sense to hold that anger until your mom apologizes. You don't need anger to restore, just commitment.

It was hard in my case to get through my mom's thick religious head. When I told her I was pissed and wanted to sue the doctor, hospital, and insurer about my circumcision, she said: "I figured everything worked fine since yuo have two perfect daughters."

How do explain to your mom that you have much higher expectations for the quality of the sexual experience than she ever settled for?

Good luck,
-Ron

I don't even know how to answer that either, i told her "that i feel close to nothing when i actually masturbate", she completely failed to grasp what i said. It was like i had to be lying.

Yeah, it seems that the religious tend much more hard headed than everyone else. I feel that its not quite worth it to explain or try.

I guess saying something along the lines of "I don't have sex just to make babies, but to enjoy the pleasure with my wife. Sex isn't a job, but an animation of pleasure with my wife. Its not fair how she is the only one that feels pleasure, while i'm just a sperm donor. We should be able to enjoy sex, together."

[nuuu4]

Originally Posted by Rikimusha

I don't even know how to answer that either, i told her "that i feel close to nothing when i actually masturbate", she completely failed to grasp what i said. It was like i had to be lying.

Yeah, it seems that the religious tend much more hard headed than everyone else. I feel that its not quite worth it to explain or try.

I guess saying something along the lines of "I don't have sex just to make babies, but to enjoy the pleasure with my wife. Sex isn't a job, but an animation of pleasure with my wife. Its not fair how she is the only one that feels pleasure, while i'm just a sperm donor. We should be able to enjoy sex, together."

Very well put - for us at this site. But, it may not be the best approach to convince your mother.

I am glad that you at least tried to approach your Mom in a nonconfrontational way. There are obviously no guarantees but I generally find that I have more luck convincing someone if it is a nonconfrontational and positive approach. On this subject it is difficult to be positive - that is for sure -- except for looking forward to the results of restoration.

Your mother sounds like she will be tough to convince but perhaps in time she will come around. In order to convince her of your perspective, first think of the issue from her perspective. That way you will understand better how to whittle away at what is preventing her from properly understanding the situation.

Don't forget that will be quite hard for her to admit she made such a big mistake. It will take time - approach it slowly. Give her just a little bit at a time. It might be a good idea to initially focus on the positive aspects of restoration. For example the advantages of gliding action that intensifies sexual response. She may not feel so bad if she believes that is some resolution to the issue. (She may not want to admit that she caused such a significant loss to your sexual response).

Good luck!

[madbr3991]

Rikimusha i understand how you feel. i had very similar discussions with my mom. i was not able to convince her that circumcision is wrong. but she did tell me if she knew i would be angry about is she wouldent have had it done. but that was just a cop out. my mom refuses to believe that the foreskin has any purpose. i have shown her proof about sexual sensation, and the inherent immune system. and the other reasons for the foreskin. she refused to beleive any of the proof i presented to her. my mom told me that she has always enjoyed sex with circumcised men and that it wouldent be any better with a foreskin. but she has all her parts and most of us men dont.

but my moms an idiot she can't tell what Pi ╥ means and she believes anything a doctor person tells her. and i have never seen her read a book. her IQ test was below 80. average IQ is 100+

i did manage to convince one of my other family members tho.

[Someone mundane]

Your story mirrors my own in one regard; that you had always believed what you have was natural and the subsequent feelings of disappointment that result when you discover otherwise. My situation is a little different though, as I live with my grandparents rather than my birth parents.

When it comes to your mother, I'm not sure what to tell you, nor about what advice would be the most helpful. She certainly does sound rather close minded. My grandfather is the same way to an extent, but at least with constant browbeating about the matter he was eventually willing to apologize and admit it was a mistake, in MY case... He still stubbornly clings to the belief that in general it's not a bad thing to force on others against their will. But then he also believes that infants are deserving of no rights whatsoever. And the kicker, that they cannot feel pain. All I can say is that I won't be wasting my time anymore even trying to convince him. It starts with debate on the questionable ethics involved, me pointing out how it can be very similar to other things in effect, (FGM) even if it's intended purpose is not the same, degrades into discussion about personal belief, the "studies" and "science", then always ends up into BS philosophical discussions about the nature of "opinion" and "choice"... Goes nowhere, it's mental masturbation in the literal sense. It's tremendously pathetic, but what can you do?

Fortunately my grandmother is more understanding, but I still sense that it's hard even for her to accept. At times she still tries to make it sound not quite as bad as I make it out to be. I guess that reaction is understandable, though. My feelings about it have been fairly intense, so she comes from the angle that it "could be worse", and that "it was believed to help". I would add that she is also religious, (albeit catholic) so I don't think that has much to do with it. People just react differently to things...

I guess all I can offer is to try and engage her in a non-confrontational manner as the others have said, but not in a way that is conclusive or final like an apology if that's not what you seek. If you want to reach an understanding, a civil discussion about it might help. Just make sure to stress that you want her to listen. BUT, I would also warn you that it might not turn out productively, it does have the potential to go wrong (such as her turning around your words, that you should also listen, blah blah) and leave you even more pissed off than before. It is a gamble you'd be taking... I am in the same boat that I still feel some slight begrudging hatred towards them about it, from past talks that have gone awry. If she is really that shut in, you may very well be better off leaving it be. Probably not worth it, in that case.