The Gardener - poem

[WoundedBird]

OK...I didn't get any responses from my poem Razor Lips anyhow, but I ended up reading it repeatedly and being displeased. I think it is too amateurish. So, I reworked it completely and renamed it. Here are the results...this is:

"The Gardener"

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The blind mind shines
bright from the stainless liberator,
that tender edge
who loosens petals from their blossoms,
and feasts upon the nectar...

Carving in a hideous rythmn,
he hits each note like a pianist,
dancing on stalk and stem.
A creature like this
has no need for compassion.

Retracted are the jaws
which welcome males into this world,
as he gulps the petals,
anther coating his lips.

Ravaged rosebud,
once wondrous,
now dreadfully sick!
Earth bloodied with milky leaf tips...

The razor has shorn the blossom,
destroying the pollen.
Sensorial lamina flayed,
the vibrant vine has fallen,
bud badly mutilated-
forlorn, forever.

[tony12345]

Interesting

[Inactive]

Depressing.

[gtabula]

[Post Removed]

[admin]

Originally Posted by gtabula

We're looking to find ways to better our lives through restoration efforts, not depress the community with self pity

So we should only have bawdy limericks? I like the poem.

[WoundedBird]

The goal? I didn't think poetry was a practical, goal directed art. I wrote the original while still in the midst of my grieving. The writing of Confessional Poetry can be a therapeutic process. Also, I see poetry in everything, from the beautiful to the macabre and frightening.

I do have poems that focus on happy things.

Thanks Ron, I'm glad you like it. I think it could be better, but I don't know. I know the last line is very solid, that's the only thing I left completely unchanged. I think I tried to force myself too much while not feeling totally inspired. It needs more momentum. But I do like some of the new lines I came up with. Again, thanks.

If I have a goal, it's to simply work out my feelings while creating a piece of written art that communicates to the reader.

I wasn't sure if I should include poems that are not related to circumcision...and so far I haven't been able to write any happy poems about that subject. But I'd enjoy sharing other stuff I've written if it wouldn't be inappropriate of me.

The graphic narrative I wrote while very, very angry. I actually laughed during some of the stuff I was writing, because I was mocking the people who continue to mutilate boys, while also lamenting it. Again, that story is meant to really communicate the gravity of genital mutilations. As far as the fact that I am melodramatic, that is just me, hehe...I also enjoy acting. I've always experienced life in a very vivid way. This goes for love and joy as well as pain and sorrow.

I want people to be happy. I'm glad that most of you are over your grief. I'm not seeking to depress anyone. If my poems are THAT powerful maybe I need to keep them under lock and key! Hehe. Maybe for me the psychological scars will always be a bit more pronounced than for most others. Some people are more emotional and sensitive than other people. But I continue to get out of bed every day and keep working for a better life for myself and my loved ones.

[tony12345]

Artistic endeavors such as this are great. They are introspective, but can be used to enlighten people outside the Movement about the harms of circumcision.

[gtabula]

[Post Removed]

[Americut]

Originally Posted by gtabula

When I present a case for anything, even more so in the case of circumcision, I make the case on the basis of provable facts, scientific data, and logical conclusion of those things - I may or may not even get to the possible emotional aspects. I do not drag my emotional bias into an argument because how I personally feel about a subject will only weaken my argument.

To be fair, that's precisely what this division of the board is for - "THE ARTS: Audio, Visual, and Textual expressions about mutilation and rejuvenation"

Perhaps a day will come when there may be part II of this poem.

[WoundedBird]

I'm not offended by the criticism, especially as it had nothing to do with whether the poem is decent or not...just that you don't care for people to write poems with a dark edge about circumcision because you find it counter-productive somehow.

I sort of figured this place was a safe haven, where I can be free to be as emotionally distressed as I want about my mutilation, when the mood strikes. Do I need to act on here and just hold in any grief I have, so that pro-circ people don't read my writings and generalize all restorers?

Frankly, I've written in many posts about how excited I am about restoration, about how grateful I am to have what I do have left, sexually, and I've also extended myself to other people suffering through grief, offering to talk through it with them, since I can relate so well.

I might be a counselor one day, and I won't be telling my patients to "suck it up and keep it to yourself, you're making Intactivists look bad" when they express their unpleasant feelings. I have the thought of focusing some of my education in psychology specifically on sexual/genital traumas including male genital mutilation. I am very eager to be involved in the healing process for everyone who needs assistance. This is why I am also trying to get a group together in Pittsburgh. I want us to be able to discuss both grief and restoration.

It seems to me, despite the fact that we have been through a unique process of revelations regarding something that was done to us...American men are still American Men, and many are made uncomfortable by overt expressions of emotionality.

Again, I thought this place was a sanctuary of sorts where I didn't have to censor myself. If I was wrong, and I am offending people, then sure...please do express your offense.

Gtabula, why does my poem stick in your craw so badly? So I felt forlorn, forever when I realized what happened to me. And I thought the line was beautiful. This isn't a dissertation, it's a poem. How boring would a poem filled with scientific data be? It's about my emotional reaction, not my objective, rational analysis. Assuming someone is incapable of being rational because they write emotional poems sometimes is a bit of a leap. Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, Edgar Allan Poe, Dylan Thomas, Arthur Rimbaud...all these people were highly intelligent, and also highly emotional...and they wrote a lot of super-sorrowful stuff, but that doesn't mean they were incapable of objectively analyzing it, either. I would just have to venture to guess that poetry really isn't a big interest of yours, since you keep talking about the "goal" of the poem, the fact that it isn't "scientific" etc...I'm not insulting you, either. Most people I know (including my incredibly well-read and educated lover) don't really read poetry or care for it all that much.

You also take my poem extremely literally...which is common among very scientifically minded people. I don't actually think that I am NEVER going to recover emotionally. That was how it felt at the moment. And also, you keep relating the poem directly to yourself...that isn't very objective. I'm not telling anyone else how to feel. If you are comfortable with your genital alteration and don't feel any grief, I don't understand why you feel threatened by my poem, it simply doesn't make sense. Maybe as Sylvia Plath wrote in her poem "Tulips" my poems "Should be behind bars like dangerous animals" hehe. Imagine if people took everything she said in her poems literally...

Obviously I can't write even remotely to the level of a Plath or Sexton or Thomas...I wish.

Oh, I see now that Tony said something about it being used to express things to people outside of the movement. Well, I'm flattered that you like it Tony, and that you think it could do such.

I didn't write it explicitly for that reason. I wrote it for myself, I wrote it to create something vivid and hopefully beautiful out of something I find hideous. I don't plan on sending this poem to expectant mothers (LOL) or pro-circ individuals as a means of convincing them. For that I give a very scientific explanation of intact genital anatomy and what is lost to circ.

Thanks for saying that the poem isn't bad, Gtabula, I appreciate that.

Americut- Indeed, I will be inspired when I see progress in my restoration, and I will write about that too. Like I said, I write about all sorts of things I feel passionately about...good, bad, ugly, beautiful, etc...