New Supportive Girlfriend and Friend

[cliffbars]

I've known for a while now the negative effects circumcision has on males. I used to be one of those girlfriends who thought "nah, cant be bad, doctors do it," or "you can't compare FGC with circumcision. It's not the same. Blah blah". It disgusts me that that wasn't too long ago. My boyfriend has been restoring for a few months now and I'm beginning to realize that it's taking an effect on me. I've always supported my boyfriend when it came to restoring, but I feel really bad about this. I keep thinking, should I keep this up? Should I be dealing with this too? Some may say to just erase myself from his life because I should not have to be dealing with this shit but my question is, how is that being supportive at all? The only reason I feel so bad is because I don't want to see him cry on me for this. I don't want myself to suffer WITH him because this shouldn't have happened in the first place. This is making me want to not touch him. I want to touch him and make him feel good but now that we both realize that his penis is not the way it's supposed to be, I feel like he is thinking about it which turns him off or he's wishing for me to stop. It's really hard on me to watch him get so upset about this because I want to help so bad but there's absolutely nothing I can do to help. I've been thinking so much about it day and night and I never have before but it's making me feel horrible and disgusted at myself for not realizing this sooner. I just want to let everyone know that I'm not an ignorant selfish girlfriend. I don't want to be put under a category that guys here look at and blame for this horrible mutilation. I want to show other women that this is wrong, and there's no benefit for this unless you want your kid to kill himself over this. I'm not looking for any response here from anyone, I just want to let you guys know that there are women out there who want to change this. I know I'm not circumcised and I'll never have to go through what you guys have to go through, but it's changed my views on people and it's changed how I am towards my boyfriend and close friends who are restoring. I still haven't had the chance to be with an uncircumcised male but I am curious. Maybe someday my boyfriend will have a foreskin and we can both enjoy each other the way it's supposed to be. I wish everybody luck here because I know it's something very hard and difficult to deal with. I've browsed around on this site and it's pretty depressing. This forum shouldn't be here, we shouldn't all have to deal with this. I'm embarrassed by our culture here and I know that this will never happen to my kids in the future. I'll guarantee that. No one will touch my kid after he's born. I don't want to watch him not have the sexual pleasure he's supposed to have. Best of luck to everyone

[Inactive]

Just read via this quickly.

only thing that annoyed me is

Originally Posted by cliffbars

This forum shouldn't be here, we shouldn't all have to deal with this's

We DO have to deal with it hence this forum, without it thousands would not be on the road to DEALING with it.

[InsanelyApple]

Originally Posted by Inactive

Just read via this quickly.

only thing that annoyed me is



We DO have to deal with it hence this forum, without it thousands would not be on the road to DEALING with it.

I think she meant that genital multination shouldn't exist.

[Colorado]

Thank you for your thoughts and for sharing them with us.
You have told us and hopefully you feel a sense of relief from expressing yourself. Now continue to help us and all the other baby boys being mutilated at $400.00 a pop in the US. Ask your health care provider to NOT pay for infant circumcision. Tell your girlfriends. Tell your Mom. Tell your co-workers. Education is the key. Your friends,family and peers need to know. Are they aware that an infant is strapped down to a table and his limbs are Velcroed in place to prevent him from being moved? Are they aware that when a infant foreskin is rolled back it feels like tearing off a fingernail? Are they aware that 3,000 nerve endings are cut off and are gone forever. Worse yet the foreskins are sold to cosmetic industries and used to make age defying products?
At least let them know the next time they experience sex as a woman the raw, chafed, endless thrusting THEY feel is a direct result of their partner being circumcised.
Maybe then they will listen and be educated. Education brings about change.
Someday I hope Ron will have to close this website because men won't have to restore anymore. Maybe not in his or our lifetime but someday in the future we can all sleep. Really sleep without thinking about all those baby boys screaming in pain.

Thanks for making a difference. THANK YOU for sharing.
The more you know the more you will heal. Visit us often here. It helps.
Colorado

[peterpink]

Thank you for your posting. Someone has said that it is the women who will bring routine infant circumcision to an end in America. With support from people like you this may very well already be happening. As men we tend to get upset when women minimize the harm we are suffering. This is the most common response from women (and men). I still cannot believe that anyone, male or female, would want to do such a thing to a defenseless baby.

Support your boyfriend by listening to him. One of the difficulties for circumcised men is that no one wants to hear their grief. This has been called 'the circumcision of the soul'. Not only has a part of you been cut off, but you are cut off from society. This does not happen with other forms of grief, where society acknowledges the loss.

Thanks for posting. Your support means a tremendous amount to us.

[Inactive]

Originally Posted by InsanelyApple

I think she meant that genital multination shouldn't exist.

My bad i read it wrong.

[greg_b]

Welcome!

Yes, we are in a very odd situation, where logic and moral guidelines seem to have been twisted in the face of irrational emotions because we can't deal with sex as a society.

I am glad you took the time to vent, as we are all in a like mind about this.

It is great that you are supportive of your BF.

You seem to say that your support causes him additional stress and downer feelings. Am I understanding that correctly?

Regards

[pickyreader]

There is a book called "allies in healiing" that is quite good. It is aimed at ther partners of people who have been sexually abused. It's a good book, and you might find something helpful in there.
Circumcision is different than other forms of sexual abuse because the victim is usually too young to remember the traumatic event, but there are a lot of similar repurcussions.

For your partner, I would recommend "the joy of uncircumcising." It has a lot of statements and stories from mutilated men, and reading it might make him feel more validation about his feelings. PM me if you can't find a copy of the ebook.

[finman]

That is a great posting, Cliffbars. It is important that ladies spread the message about how circumcision adversely affects both partners. Sometimes when men complain they are written off as cranks. After all, a doctor would not mutilate a baby. YES (S)HE WOULD and many, many do!

[cliffbars]

Originally Posted by finman

That is a great posting, Cliffbars. It is important that ladies spread the message about how circumcision adversely affects both partners. Sometimes when men complain they are written off as cranks. After all, a doctor would not mutilate a baby. YES (S)HE WOULD and many, many do!

Yeah, I agree about the woman-to-woman talk. I probably wouldn't listen to a guy talk about stuff like this because I would think "what does this have to do with me?" but women don't understand that this has everything to do with them. I talked to my close girl friend about it and she seemed to understand. She also asked me why parents decide to circumcise and I didn't know how to respond except "money". Also because they are given the wrong information. We talked about the "it reduces UTIs" and I told her that I had one a year and half ago and I got antibiotics to get rid of it. Got rid of it in week. My co-worker is studying to be a nurse and she explained that its really hard for males to even get infections like that in the first place. Made perfect sense to me. But thank you all for welcoming me in and I'm going to spread the word any way i can