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Grief Realizing you've lost a perfectly evolved healthy normal body part (or even a diseased one) can hit you pretty hard. We're here to help.

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  #11  
Old August 14th, 2011
skunk1980 skunk1980 is offline
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Default Re: Ending The Relationship With My Parents

I think this is all very valid. In fact, part of me feels like my lack of anger and disgust is actually really unprincipled of me. I *should* be really fucking pissed and angry at my parents for forced infant genital mutilation but I dont actually have such active emotions. I guess its easy to let it go when its so common and done without malicious intentions. I think its great that you are so mad about it all and acting upon it. Its good for the intactivist movement too. Good luck, and happy healing.
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  #12  
Old August 15th, 2011
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peterpink peterpink is offline
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Default Re: Ending The Relationship With My Parents

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Originally Posted by chrish555 View Post
Sounds like they did what they thought was right and out of love....
Are you serious? If they did this to their daughter or an adult man would it also be 'right and out of love'? No, definitely not out of love. Out of inexcusable and gross ignorance. We don't cut off bits of children's bodies to show love. Ask any 7 year-old child if cutting bits off a baby's body shows love or hate. A child knows the answer, even if many adults do not. Circumcision has absolutely nothing to do with love for the child. The only love involved in circumcision is the love of the parents for their own self-esteem and the doctor's love of money.
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  #13  
Old August 15th, 2011
MelancholyLogic MelancholyLogic is offline
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Default Re: Ending The Relationship With My Parents

I mailed my letter tonight. I understand that some will view my decision as radical. As I mentioned previously, I don't believe that my course of action is the right solution for everyone. However, I feel confident that I made the right decision for myself. I have every right to eliminate people, including members of my family, from my life for my own mental health. I have every right to stand up for myself against persons who have harmed me physically and emotionally.

Intact, Cwehden, Peterpink, Dasher, Vicousg42, Ron, Kevin1992 and Skunk1980, I sincerely appreciate your words of support. In a world where many have been brainwashed into thinking that cutting parts off of children's bodies is no big deal, it is often difficult to find support and empathy for those who come to understand just how savage and digusting this practice actually is. Even among those in this forum, there is sometimes denial about the horrific nature of forced genital mutilation because it has been so ingrained as being "normal".

If there are any updates I will share them. However, I intend to ignore all forms of communication from my parents from now on so I don't suspect that I'll have anything new to report. Once again, I appreciate the support from those who gave and continue to provide it. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.
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  #14  
Old August 15th, 2011
skunk1980 skunk1980 is offline
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Default Re: Ending The Relationship With My Parents

Again, I really must wonder why more of us restorers do not feel a similar anger and loathing towards our victimizers, especially our parents who are supposed to be our guardians. Does anyone have any idea why more of us are not as angry as MelancholyLogic? (I'm jealous of your righteous anger).

And this thread has made me realize that how you feel is how vegans and pro-lifers often feel. Murder and mutilation are similar moral violations after all. Neat. And again, so few of them have the same level of deep seated disgust and loathing that you seem to show for their respective issues (which I think is quite appropriate, consistent, and principled).
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  #15  
Old August 15th, 2011
LannaD
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Default Re: Ending The Relationship With My Parents

This was an incredibly moving letter. I wish I could give you a real hug right now.
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  #16  
Old August 15th, 2011
kevin1992 kevin1992 is offline
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Default Re: Ending The Relationship With My Parents

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Originally Posted by chrish555 View Post
This is what happens when you get so obsessed with feeling sorry for yourself and your penis. Sounds like they did what they thought was right and out of love and all you see is hatred and reject their love, you interpret their love as something else. Yeah, I feel sorry for you too, but even more for your parents, they deserve better. You think you deserve better but have been a jerk about what they tried to give with love.
yea, there cannot be more love than cut peaces of your childs body. that kind of love is just, perfect
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  #17  
Old August 15th, 2011
new_recruit new_recruit is offline
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Default Re: Ending The Relationship With My Parents

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Originally Posted by skunk1980 View Post
Again, I really must wonder why more of us restorers do not feel a similar anger and loathing towards our victimizers, especially our parents who are supposed to be our guardians. Does anyone have any idea why more of us are not as angry as MelancholyLogic? (I'm jealous of your righteous anger).

And this thread has made me realize that how you feel is how vegans and pro-lifers often feel. Murder and mutilation are similar moral violations after all. Neat. And again, so few of them have the same level of deep seated disgust and loathing that you seem to show for their respective issues (which I think is quite appropriate, consistent, and principled).
I feel lots of anger...but it isn't towards my parents. They didn't know what they didn't know. They didn't check anything out because they didn't know there was anything to check out. They didn't begin my life with the thought that now that they had a perfect infant boy the first thing that had to be accomplished was to hurt him in such a way that was hidden for years. They didn't think to not tell me that they had purposefully requested that a stranger disfigure me when I was most helpless, because it did not happen that way. They grew up in a world where the Beave kissed his mom goodbye, the doctor was a god, and the police always did the right thing.

My anger is directed at the American Medical Association who said that it was necessary. My anger is directed at a dead physician who likely knew better. My anger is directed at the nurse who stood by and listened to me scream. My anger is directed at an insurance company who paid 100% for such a procedure and would not cover UTIs if it didn't occur. My anger is directed at a Puritanical backward-in-so-many-ways society who does not question or think for itself. My anger is directed at myself for not lighting a candle in the dark sooner.

My anger is righteous and cold, but tempered. I will use it and not let it use me. I will tug and pull and push and hurt and heal myself until I am whole. I will use it to awaken others to the issue until there is no one left for me to talk to or convince of the right. I will use it to accept that I cannot change the past, but I can form and forge the future. I will use it for my nephew and my one day sons. I will use it for my cousins and their sons.

I will use it...and not let it use me.
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  #18  
Old August 15th, 2011
admin admin is offline
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Default Re: Ending The Relationship With My Parents

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Originally Posted by MelancholyLogic View Post
Why should I invest any energy in repairing the trust that they've shattered?
Well in my case I can see from my parents' other actions and from their words that they've done immeasurable things for me in what they perceived as my best interest.

I will never thank my mom for wasting countless hours of my youth sitting in church, or for letting my genitals get cut, but her love and caring can't be dismissed. Pattern seeking and guessing at explanations for life's unanswerable questions is an evolved behavior that I can't fault her for buying into. "The scientific method" is a relatively new innovation. I've always said the least excusable thing about my family's decision was the lack of respect for the science of evolution and the absurdity of thinking a boy routinely has a birth defect. Ironically the propensity for that lack of respect is itself evolved as a survival trait.
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  #19  
Old August 15th, 2011
MelancholyLogic MelancholyLogic is offline
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Default Re: Ending The Relationship With My Parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by skunk1980 View Post
Again, I really must wonder why more of us restorers do not feel a similar anger and loathing towards our victimizers, especially our parents who are supposed to be our guardians. Does anyone have any idea why more of us are not as angry as MelancholyLogic? (I'm jealous of your righteous anger).

And this thread has made me realize that how you feel is how vegans and pro-lifers often feel. Murder and mutilation are similar moral violations after all. Neat. And again, so few of them have the same level of deep seated disgust and loathing that you seem to show for their respective issues (which I think is quite appropriate, consistent, and principled).
I want to note that my actions are not motivated primarily out of anger. Anger is definitely a component but I also feel betrayed and disrespected. My parents do not accept me for who I am. They have tried to keep me close enough only to try to forge me into what they want me to be, physically, spiritually and sexually.

I think that once we have questioned circumcision and have determined that it is indeed a terrible thing, the next difficult step is questioning the nature of relationships that would allow this to occur to victims of the practice. It is not just the fact that my parents consented to genital surgery on me, it is that they couldn't even be bothered to look into evidence that it was necessary or harm that it causes. There is a sense of arrogance in the assumption that because my father was circumcised then it could not possible have caused any damage. There is also a sense of entitlement that babies' bodies are not their own. Regardless of the intentions of my parents, they need to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions.
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  #20  
Old August 15th, 2011
MelancholyLogic MelancholyLogic is offline
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Default Re: Ending The Relationship With My Parents

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Originally Posted by LannaD View Post
This was an incredibly moving letter. I wish I could give you a real hug right now.
Thank you LannaD. If you were in SF I'd take you up on that. :-)
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