Cant get my girlfriend on board.

[jawnzer]

Originally Posted by RideTheSpiral

wow i didnt realize this thread was blowing up since i wrote it so long ago. I started restoring anyway shortly after and have kept it up without her knowledge. It was limited the amout of time i can spend restoring but i started T-taping and now have a DTR.

Thank you all for the advice and comments. I am doing this for us and if she cant understand that then its huer problem. Its my penis and i know it will benefit her as well.

How is your progress cuming? Has your girlfriend said anything about it and if not has she made any comments on sex being better?

[RideTheSpiral]

Originally Posted by jawnzer

How is your progress cuming? Has your girlfriend said anything about it and if not has she made any comments on sex being better?

Thanks for asking. Progress has been slow since i can only tug so much during the week. My lack of skin has been somewhat discouraging, When i first got my DTR i had to t-tape and pull my skin onto the bell because manually rolling the skin on positioned it almost at the base of my shaft and gave me a lot of penile compression. I ran out of tape last month and cant afford more right now so i have just been rolling the skin on by hand. I have grown a little to make it fit better but it is still far less than ideal and my jagged scarline makes my (forced) rollover anything but smooth and uniform. I discovered I can restore at work so thats helped a lot. There is a little more slack during masterbation but not my visual change. I doubt she has noticed anything during sex.

On the girlfriend side of things.....No progress whatsoever. She has no idea I am restoring. It was funny though; I got a new phone a few weeks ago an while setting up my email she saw an email notification from this site but she thought it was spam . The other day, the topic of foreskin came up and she actually told me that if I was intact she wouldn't date me. I was too shocked and angry to argue though. The next time it comes up I plan to show her all the ways circumcision has fucked up my penis(please excuse the language). I love this girl and this is our only real problem but if she truely feels that strongly about something so unimportant as skin on a penis(relationship wise, not physically haha) then I am not sure how much longer we will last. Which really sucks to think about.

Sorry for the long explaination haha you probably werent looking for that much. And to all that read this....I'm already bummed about this enough so dont start bashing my girlfriend, I already know its messed up.

Thanks

[TopHat]

Sorry your girlfriend isn't supportive, RideTheSpiral. I hope you can get her to see it your way before long; I have a feeling she's just unaware and needs a bit of education.

[greg_b]

Originally Posted by RideTheSpiral

...
On the girlfriend side of things.....No progress whatsoever. She has no idea I am restoring. It was funny though; I got a new phone a few weeks ago an while setting up my email she saw an email notification from this site but she thought it was spam . The other day, the topic of foreskin came up and she actually told me that if I was intact she wouldn't date me. I was too shocked and angry to argue though. The next time it comes up I plan to show her all the ways circumcision has fucked up my penis(please excuse the language). I love this girl and this is our only real problem but if she truely feels that strongly about something so unimportant as skin on a penis(relationship wise, not physically haha) then I am not sure how much longer we will last. Which really sucks to think about.

Sorry for the long explaination haha you probably werent looking for that much. And to all that read this....I'm already bummed about this enough so dont start bashing my girlfriend, I already know its messed up.

Thanks

I would perhaps stay away form how circ "fucked up" your penis, and instead focus her attention on the value of foreskin in general and how the trade off for supposed benefits is not there. I think it is easy to overwhelm and put someone on the defensive if you start listing all the ways you have been hurt.

Keep in mind that she has been bombarded by our society's fearmongering, and misinformation. I think a gentle approach, making sure she feels safe to speak her mind too, and giving time for concepts and discussion points to settle in as you and she both sleep on it, will be very helpful.

A good book that teaches how to stay in dialogue is "Crucial Conversations", I highly recommend reading it and using it's ideas fo this situation.

Best

[Appalled Observer]

Originally Posted by RideTheSpiral

The other day, the topic of foreskin came up and she actually told me that if I was intact *she wouldn't date me. I was too shocked and angry to argue though.

And to all that read this....I'm already bummed about this enough so dont start bashing my girlfriend, **I already know its messed up.

Thanks

*!!!!!!??????????!!!!
**Correct.

[allFOREskin]

My wife has been extremely supportive. I talked with her about it at the beginning. Initially she just had lots of questions about what my penis would or should be like. We have also been able to decide together that if we have any boys then we wont get them circumcised. Now in the process she says how much better it feels for her during sex due to the gliding that is occuring. The only thing that has happened which many would see as positive is that she started to bring up my restoring in conversation to her friends. Im not quite ready for that.

[RideTheSpiral]

Originally Posted by greg_b

I would perhaps stay away form how circ "fucked up" your penis, and instead focus her attention on the value of foreskin in general and how the trade off for supposed benefits is not there. I think it is easy to overwhelm and put someone on the defensive if you start listing all the ways you have been hurt.

Keep in mind that she has been bombarded by our society's fearmongering, and misinformation. I think a gentle approach, making sure she feels safe to speak her mind too, and giving time for concepts and discussion points to settle in as you and she both sleep on it, will be very helpful.

A good book that teaches how to stay in dialogue is "Crucial Conversations", I highly recommend reading it and using it's ideas fo this situation.

Best

Thanks Greg. Obviously you have never experienced the stubbornness of italian women haha. The problem isnt her not being able to speak her mind, it is her not allowing me to. I have tried the gentle approach and attempted to explain the benefits of foreskin but she will hear no part of it. I tried showing her websites and she wont even look at them. It is kind of like talking to a wall. Makes me want to tear my hair out.

I appreciate everyones advice though.

[TopHat]

I'd say just keep restoring behind her back and hopefully she'll be around to experience the benefits first hand. That seems like the best way to show her the light at this point, although I'm not exactly an authority on the issue so take this with a grain of salt.

[RideTheSpiral]

Originally Posted by TopHat

I'd say just keep restoring behind her back and hopefully she'll be around to experience the benefits first hand. That seems like the best way to show her the light at this point, although I'm not exactly an authority on the issue so take this with a grain of salt.

That is pretty much my MO right now, although I am not a huge fan of the dishonesty part. There isnt much else i can do though, imagining the fight it would start is somewhat nauseating. I know communication is critical but sometimes it makes it worse before it gets better. I figure once I stop tearing her vagina during sex and not take five minutes to get an erection she will start to come around.

[greg_b]

Originally Posted by RideTheSpiral

Thanks Greg. Obviously you have never experienced the stubbornness of italian women haha. The problem isnt her not being able to speak her mind, it is her not allowing me to. I have tried the gentle approach and attempted to explain the benefits of foreskin but she will hear no part of it. I tried showing her websites and she wont even look at them. It is kind of like talking to a wall. Makes me want to tear my hair out.

I appreciate everyones advice though.

Smile, OK.

But I still highly recommend Crucial Conversations. The Tools it provides would be even more important in your situation, I think.

I would suggest that her not being willing to look at web sites, not willing to listen, suggests a deep fear that she may not even realize she has. It will still take patience and gentleness, but in a directed way, to focus her on why she is reacting that way and shutting down the conversation. One good technique, I find, is to ask why. Not simply parroting "why", "why", "why" all the time, but using that conceptually to explore her feelings about it.

"What is it about that web site that makes you feel you cannot even look at it?"
"Because it is just a bunch of crazy people!"
"Why do you think they are crazy, I did not get that feeling?"
"They are promoting yucky foreskins"
"Why do you feel that foreskins are yucky, I haven't felt that they were yucky myself?"
etc

You have a difficult job, it will require patience and staying calm, sort of being a counselor. To use the book's terms, she, for whatever reason, does not feel safe being in dialog with you about this. so she shuts down the conversation, and, when you press, gets more and more adamant about shutting it down. Your strategy should be to try (no guarantees it will work, of course) and make her aware that she is doing this (many times people do not even realize it) and offer her a way to get back into dialog. You do this by making it clear that dialog is what you are after, and that means she and you both have a chance to tell you thoughts and feelings in a respectful and non threatening way.

Of course, I am guessing (and probably wrong) about a lot of your situation, text posts leave out a lot of very important stuff, but hopefully I got across some helpful thoughts for you to ponder.

Best